When I say the term high-value man, most men (and women) assume that I am talking about a man who rises to the top of the social hierarchy, makes a ton of money, and can boss people around without repercussions.
Who does that sound like?
While there is something to be said for making it to the top and having enough power to say whatever the fuck you want, that alone does not make you a high-value man. It just makes you rich and powerful.
What makes you as a man high value is not social capital or physical capital. Sure, these things can help, but your value as a man goes much deeper.
Guys like Kevin Samuels and Daddy Trump who get off on “being honest” and “telling it like it is” (translation: being an asshole) miss the bigger picture of what makes a high-value man, and today I’m going to show you why.
Because my definition of what makes a high-value man is very different from these guys.
To put it simply…
A high-value man is a man who structures his life to maximize his long-term, masculine happiness.
If you follow what I teach, I’ve been beating you guys over the head with this concept in one form or another for years. Focus on yourself. Ignore your ex. Ask yourself what you really want. Live the life you want, not the life other people want for you.
Why is this so important?
There are 3 reasons why living a life of long-term, masculine happiness (AKA a high-value life) is important:
- It will help you move on from your breakup or re-attract your ex-girlfriend;
- It will prevent you from getting crushed by future breakups;
- It will allow you to live a life that you find meaningful and rewarding;
Considering your situation right now, working to maximize your long-term, masculine happiness is one of the best things you can do. Right now you have no excuses. There’s no girlfriend to get in your way, and I know that you are ready to stop feeling like shit, right?
So how can you become a high-value man? While it’s not easy, it is simple.
1: You Operate From Your Masculine Center
Learning to operate from your Masculine Center is the quickest and easiest way to start your journey toward becoming a high-value man. Quite frankly, if this is the only thing you take away from this article, I’d consider that a success. It really is that important.
Your Masculine Center is comprised of 3 components:
- Your 7 core values;
- Your unbreakable personal code of ethics;
- Your purpose in life;
My upcoming book Lovestuck has 3 chapters dedicated to defining and operating from your Masculine Center, so I’ll keep it brief here. To operate from your Masculine Center you need to do the following:
- Have a clear definition of what your values are (these need to be written) that you strive to live by on a daily basis;
- Have an unbreakable code of ethics you follow 100% of the time that is in tune with your values;
- Have an exciting purpose for your life that is supported by your values and your code;
If you need help defining and then operating from your masculine center, book an email coaching session with me and I can help you. Or get Lovestuck when it releases in about two weeks (when shit isn’t burning down!) More information on that coming soon 😉
When you are operating from your masculine center you are proactive, not reactive. You don’t get overwhelmed and act under the influence of emotion.
Read More: Let Her React To You If You Want Her Back
This is incredibly helpful if you are currently struggling with:
- Reaching out to her when you really miss her;
- Crutches like booze, social media, television, weed, or porn to numb yourself;
- Limiting beliefs about yourself, relationships, or dating in general.
In the immortal words of the ronin Miyamoto Musashi:
Once you find your masculine center, hold it close, stay centered, and seek to live by it on a daily basis. When you do, you will be shocked at how much happier and fulfilled you will feel.
2: You Put Your Long-Term Happiness First
Putting your long-term, masculine happiness first means doing 4 things well:
- You know what will make the future you happy;
- You cultivate the mindset and habits necessary to accomplish item #1;
- You set healthy boundaries with yourself and those around you;
- When your cup is full, you give freely to others;
Let’s cover each of these briefly.
1: What Will Make You Happy 5 Years From Now?
Right now, I want nothing more than to kick back, take my german shepherd out for a walk, and listen to the throwback J-Cole mix I have linked above.
But I’m writing this article instead, looking at the gloriously sunny day outside my window.
Because to at least 1 man (who I hope is you) this article will be the pick-me-up he needs to get his life back on track after a nasty breakup.
Plus, even if you hate my guts and this article sucks, you’ll hopefully find it mildly entertaining.
So either way – I am making the world a better place, even if this article blows.
When I defined my masculine center many years ago, I identified giving back as one of my 7 core values. Writing this article may not be the most fun thing in the world, but I will be so glad I did it 5 years from now.
So ask yourself: what will make the future you happy? Do you need to stop being a fat fuck? Break your addiction to your toxic ex-girlfriend? Leave your shitty job to start a business you enjoy? Learn some game to meet and have fun with new women?
Defining your masculine center and having a vision of what your perfect life looks like will help you with this.
Don’t think about the discomfort now, think about the grand (and more satisfying) payout later. Which reminds me…
2: What Mindset or Habits Will Get You There?
If what will make you happy in 5 years is the frame of the car, the mindset and habits that will get you there are the tires. Without tires, your ass is not getting very far.
Let’s say you are facing the uncomfortable challenge of healing yourself after a bad breakup. That describes 90% of my audience, and it’s most likely why you are here.
If you want to heal after a bad breakup, you need both a mindset and a habit shift. If you follow what I teach that means:
- Breaking the habit you are in of talking to her all the time;
- Building a no-contact habit;
- Cultivating a mindset of acceptance of impermanence;
- Growing your outcome independence;
It’s great to know what will make you happy in the future. It’s another thing entirely to have it broken down to the mindset changes you need to make and the habits to get you there.
Most men aren’t capable of it. That’s why most men aren’t high-value.
3: What Must Be Done To Keep You and Yours From Overstepping?
Sometimes you need to set boundaries for those around you, like the Fresh Prince himself. Easier said than done. We’ll get to that in just a minute.
A high-value man is very comfortable setting boundaries with himself. He knows what lines not to cross. He understands that he has limits on himself for a reason. Your code, one of the 3 core elements of your masculine center is one such example.
A man’s code is a very personal thing, but I will share with you one such example from mine:
In context, that item means that I must live a location independent, sexually non-monogamous lifestyle where I own my own businesses and have the ability to leave the United States as needed.
So ask yourself – to get to where you want to be in 5 years, what lines can you not cross?
4: How Will I Give Back?
Compassionate giving of time, money, and empathy are strongly correlated with long-term happiness and success.
The road to long-term, masculine happiness is often lonely. Sometimes it requires you to do and act in a way that others consider selfish. It’s a good practice to stop along the way and make sure you also make the effort to lift others up when it is appropriate.
A Quick Word On Putting Yourself First
By now you’ve probably gotten the advice to put yourself first a million times, and I’m the third asshole to mention it today.
Putting yourself (and your long-term happiness) first can feel a lot like swimming upstream. It’s fucking difficult, and a lot of the time you feel like you are going nowhere. Whether you have cultural norms that dictate you need to take care of your parents, religious ones that tell you not to have sex before you are married, or even practical ones like putting your kid’s happiness before yours.
It doesn’t matter what your objection is because whenever you put others first, you are not just doing yourself a disservice, you are doing them a disservice too. There is nothing noble about sacrificing your happiness for others.
No one else is ever going to put your happiness first. That’s not their job. So if you don’t, who is going to? A high-value man understands this, and instead of trying to find special people to put him first, he puts himself first and is okay with whatever others around him bring to the table, instead of expecting them (read: being disappointed when they fail) to deliver.
The most valuable person in your life is you! No one’s happiness should ever take precedence over your own. If you feel otherwise, you need to take a deep look inward and ask yourself why you feel it’s appropriate to put someone else’s happiness above your own.
Because the truly high-value man realizes that his happiness always comes first.
Being able to recognize that you have to put yourself first takes balls. But it also takes something else…an even greater skill that you must learn to be a high-value man.
3: You Are Emotionally Intelligent (EQ>IQ)
Emotional intelligence is one of those skills that we all need to know, but no one is really willing to teach us. The problem is, it’s gotten a bad rap for a long time. See above.
Emotional intelligence does not mean crying your eyes out to anyone who will listen or getting in touch with your inner feminine.
It’s far more profound than that.
What emotional intelligence is instead is the ability to manage your emotions.
This is easier for some men than others. For example, if you are highly neurotic (as measured by the neuroticism component of the Big 5) you are going to naturally experience more negative emotional arousal. If you notice you frequently get angry, needy, sad, touchy, lonely, etc, then that may include you. Double that if you frequently criticize yourself, or don’t feel like you are good enough.
If that’s the case, it’s critical that you develop your emotional intelligence.
And that’s because…
The lack of emotional intelligence is what ruins between 40 – 60% of all long-term relationships.
People with low EQ find it difficult to identify and understand their emotions and the emotions of those around them. They are often quick to judge, blame, make excuses, and act in ways that are self-destructive and unhealthy in the relationship. A trademark of low EQ people is the inability to admit fault, or apologize.
If you lack emotional intelligence, you cannot be a high-value man because you will never experience long-term, masculine happiness.
So if you look at it another way…
Increasing your emotional intelligence can help you get your ex-girlfriend back…or help you live the kind of life of long-term, masculine happiness that you deserve.
But it’s so much more than that. High EQ is predictive of success in all areas: work, school, interpersonal relationships, and happiness.
So whether you want your ex-girlfriend back or not, you need to be working on your emotional intelligence to maximize your long-term, masculine happiness.
To do that, you need to understand the 4 key domains of emotional intelligence.
All of the above are critically important for you as a high-value man because they influence your ability to achieve long-term, masculine happiness. These qualities will help you move forward and develop as a man while being able to relate and connect with others.
Self-Awareness And Self-Management
Self-awareness is knowing where you are going, while self-management is having the grit to get there.
This cluster of traits is what sets apart the men who get sucked into the hedonistic treadmill apart from those who choose long-term, masculine happiness.
Knowing what you want sets you apart from the docile lamb who mindlessly obeys the rules and demands of his many masters: his boss, his friends, his ex-girlfriend, his family, etc.
This is why I believe it is so important that you take the time to define your masculine center. It’s impossible to break free of what others want from you until you know what you want from yourself.
To know what you want is not enough.
Look no further than the “artist” who dreams of producing the next great masterpiece, only to chase his next hit of cocaine at the beaten-down dive bar he and his friends frequent. He knows what he wants, but he will never get there.
To be a high-value man, you need to fucking show up. You must be self-managed. You must refuse mediocrity, grind when you don’t want to, and be willing and able
The man who does is the man who refuses mediocrity, who shows up when it counts, and holds himself to a higher standard even when things get difficult.
But to have complete and total mastery over yourself is only one part of the emotional intelligence equation.
Social Awareness And Relationship Management
Social awareness is understanding what people want, while relationship management is knowing how to give it to them.
Taken together, social awareness and relationship management represent your ability to understand the social dynamics around you and act accordingly to build positive relationships that add value.
If you are naturally very extroverted (based on the Big 5 test) and agreeable, this may come easier to you. If you are introverted on the other hand, chances are you are good at understanding what people want, but you may find it difficult to build the relationships needed because of a lack of desire.
Not to worry.
No matter where you fall on the spectrum, you can increase your social awareness and relationship management skills with time and focus.
That’s partially the point of this website, after all.
4: You Are Outcome Independent
A high-value man always has options.
Always having options (AKA outcome independence) is about living a life of abundance, one where you always have more than you need. When you have more than you need, the outcome of any one situation doesn’t have the power to ruin you or your life.
- Owning more than one small business so if one fails, you don’t lose any sleep;
- Dating multiple women at the same time so you don’t get bent out of shape when you lose one (which you inevitably will);
- Not putting all your money in one investment so you aren’t ruined if it fails;
- Using a non-monogamous relationship structure so you aren’t going months without sex if your girlfriend leaves you;
- Having a backup citizenship/permanent residency so you can leave your authoritarian country when they raise your taxes;
You get the idea. I’m a broken record about this because outcome independence is mission-critical to a life of long-term, masculine happiness.
But the real secret to outcome independence is always having options, even when you don’t.
How is that possible?
It all comes back to confidence – specifically, confidence in yourself to produce an outcome. High-value men are self-aware, and know what they are capable of.
An easy example is that of the talented seducer moving to a new city. If he gets rejected, he doesn’t sweat it, because he has confidence in his skills. He knows that if he puts in the numbers, he will eventually meet a woman who is interested.
Developing that confidence takes repetition – this isn’t the kind of confidence that you can fake. Only through sweat, toil, and results can you develop this kind of confidence.
Another classic example is getting your ex-girlfriend back.
Think about the last time you spoke to her. If you practically oozed neediness, do you think it has anything to do with the fact that you’re afraid of losing her (read: not confident that you can get her back)?
Now think about how you would feel if you were working on getting your life together. Imagine you were fucking crushing it, kicking ass at work or school, slamming the weights like Ronnie, and out having the time of your life.
Would you be as concerned if she came back?
Outcome independence when done correctly keeps you focused on what matters: you, and what you want, not what’s occurring externally.
I’ve written an entire article on this topic, at least how it relates to dating and getting your ex back, which you should read as soon as you are done with this article.
Read More: Outcome Independence: Be Different With Indifference
5: You Seek To Understand First, Judge Second
To be a high-value man you must be able to understand a person, place, or thing the way it is intended to be understood, not the way you want to understand it.
I didn’t arrive at this trait on my own. It’s based on Steven Covey’s The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People, specifically habit #5, which is…
Seek first to understand, then to be understood.Steven Covey
But when Covey is talking about this habit, he is referring to how we relate with others. While this is a noble pursuit, our goals are broader. We are not just pursuing harmonious relationships. We are pursuing long-term, masculine happiness.
Seeking to understand first, judge second is the opposite of how many people think – and that’s no surprise. It’s easy to filter the world through our own biases, judgments, and experiences. The alternative: learning, listening, and seeking understanding is laborious, painful, and lonely.
But it is necessary, at least if you want to be a high-value man who experiences long-term, masculine happiness.
It really comes down to 3 reasons:
- When you seek to understand, you expose your beliefs to scrutiny, which allows you to develop yourself (more on this in just a second);
- You need to be able to relate and understand others who don’t share your worldview;
- How you understand the world (and particularly the people in it) is often wrong;
Let me tell you a story that illustrates all 3 reasons nicely.
When I was in my early 20s, I was a serial nice guy. I was raised by a single mother, with no masculine uncles or even a brother. In women and in life, I was weak, timid, and unsure of myself.
Growing up, my mother always taught me to be kind to women – which is a good lesson. However, I interpreted it to mean that I should avoid doing anything that might potentially make a woman uncomfortable.
Needless to say, I was terrified of approaching women, flirting, escalating to sex, all of that.
I knew this was a problem, so after my girlfriend of 3.5 years dumped me, I joined a redpill pickup/seduction community that eventually became infamous for all the wrong reasons. For the first couple of weeks, it was hard to see past some of the extreme views that were being expressed.
But because I support free speech (and wanted to get laid) I managed.
And guess what? My dating skills improved dramatically. In less than a year, I went from being afraid of my shadow to having more success with women than I could have ever dreamed of. The ability to walk up and talk to any woman with no fear of rejection was like a superpower to me.
If I had judged first, instead of looking deeper I would have missed out on a wellspring of knowledge that completely changed the trajectory of my life. I realized that many of my negative beliefs about myself, and about women were totally fucking wrong.
Along the way I learned another (even more important) lesson. Underneath all of our beliefs, we are all human. I was able to connect with men who believed things I found vile, derogatory, or just plain stupid. When I peeled back the curtain, I was always able to find common ground. Beneath it was the very same fear, envy, and hurt that we all feel.
A high-value man understands this, and he also understands his own predilection to judge first. So he instead takes the high road, the road of understanding.
Remember, ignorance breeds fear. We fear the things that we do not understand.
6: You Understand That Time Is Your Most Valuable Resource
A high-value man knows that his time on this earth is limited. He only has so many days, weeks, months, and years before his candle is snuffed out for good.
Because a high-value man lives his life grounded in his masculine center, he knows his limited time must only be given to causes and people that are truly important.
So are you truly valuing your time like a high-value man?
Or are you wasting it by chasing after a woman who rejected you and doesn’t want you in her life right now?
Read More: Don’t Chase. Let Her Go If You Want Her Back
Are you working towards your purpose and your dream life?
Or are you getting piss drunk every night and jerking off compulsively to numb the pain?
Read More: Getting Drunk All The Time? Here’s Why You Need To Quit
So – are you moving forward in life? Or are you merely chasing the absolution that can be found in vice?
As the stoics often say: memento mori.
Remember that you have to die.
But while you have to die, you do get a choice about how you want to live. Use it wisely.
Life is transient and fleeting, yet we often become attached to people, places, and things as if they will be in our life forever. When we hold on to anything as everlasting, instead of impermanent, we suffer.
7: You Have A Growth Mindset
A high-value man understands that he is never complete.
He may be good, but he can be better.
Likewise, he may be terrible, but he can improve.
He also understands that people, places, and things are in a constant state of flux. Nothing stays the same forever. He knows growth is required, and he cultivates a mindset that not only allows growth but celebrates it.
A high-value man is always growing. He is always learning. He is always striving to be more than the sum of his parts.
This final, terrible trait is what separates the high-value men from everyone else. No man is born high value. High value is earned, not given. To become high value you must grow. There is no other way.
Right now, my friend, you are at a tipping point. You came here seeking information, and now the question is – will you act on it? Will you take the final step and turn your words into action? Will you embrace the growth mindset?
Will you choose to become the high-value man you were always meant to be?
Or will you just smile and nod your head and keep living your life the way you have been?
If you are ready to change, I can help you. Here’s what you need to do.
First, sign up for my free 7 day email course down below. It will give you the blueprint to breaking free from your ex-girlfriend so we can get you back on track.
Second, I need you to visit this link here. This link will take you to a collection of my most important articles that will help you start taking control of your life again.
I look forward to seeing more of you around here, because it’s my mission to help high-value men like you.
Talk soon my friend,