Getting dumped sucks, there’s no getting around that. Not only is it a blow to our physical routine, it’s a blow to our ego.
There seems to be a misconception that alpha males don’t have feelings, or shouldn’t feel anything at all after being dumped. No one, not even an Alpha male can control what they feel afterward. What you can control is HOW you react.
Women react by venting their frustrations to others. Alpha males on the other hand, choose to harness them and use them to create something from nothing.
You can let your emotions run wild, or you can remain the master of yourself, where you allow your feelings to be released productively. You can choose to try to control those around you, or you can master yourself.
You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strengthMarcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor
There are really 5 key things you’ll need to do to handle being dumped in the most alpha way possible.
1: Handle being dumped in as calm and collected a way as possible.
Chances are, you’ve already been dumped. But, on the off chance you’re reading this right before you expect to be dumped, here’s the deal.
If you know a relationship can’t be saved, accept that it’s over. Start thinking about yourself as a single man. Remember what it was like when you were free to meet and date women and otherwise be unfettered. Visualize what it’s going to feel like when you get dumped. Practice seeing it in such clear detail that it feels like you’re there.
See yourself as handling it in as stone-cold as possible. Not angry, not cruel, just detached. As if it’s just you talking to a complete stranger. Focus on removing the emotion from the situation.
Chances are, it will hurt when you do it the first time. Keep doing it until you can view the entire scene with no reaction. While it won’t soften the blow when it actually happens, having prepared for it ahead of time will keep you from overreacting in the moment.
Developing rock-solid outcome independence will help a fuck ton with this.
Don’t yell, don’t shout, don’t scream or cry. If you have a chance, calmly ask her what pushed her over the edge. Keep her answer in mind, it’ll be useful later. If you don’t have the opportunity, don’t worry too much about it.
If you’re at her place, get all of your important things before leaving. Anything trivial, just let her keep. Don’t try to spite her – you’ll only look immature and childish in her eyes. Remember, an Alpha male always is in control. He doesn’t react to others. Others react to him.
As soon as you walk out the door, resolve to never look back. You’re about to go on a journey and become a better man.
2: Go No-Contact IMMEDIATELY.
Once she’s dumped you, the real work begins. If you haven’t heard of no-contact yet, read my complete guide here. It’s VITAL that you go no-contact immediately. It will help you keep your emotions under control. Limiting your access to her will also help you begin processing your new reality as a single man.
To completely embrace no-contact, you need to make sure the logistics of the breakup have been handled properly. If you have any things of hers, put them into a box and send them back to her house.
Afterward, anything that reminds you of her goes into another box. Either throw that box away or put it somewhere that you won’t be tempted to get into it in a future moment of weakness.
All of no-contact is simple afterward. Remove her from social media, block her number, and avoid places that you know she’ll be.
I also advise avoiding mutual friends, at least until you are completely over the breakup. They’ll pass information back to her, which can make your breakup harder if say, she decides to reach out to you.
It’s one thing to ignore her when she isn’t saying anything to you, and another thing entirely when she reaches out.
That’s why it’s important to BLOCK her number and not just delete it. If she reaches out, you will be tempted to answer. It’s just human nature to seek validation from someone who rejected us, and even the best of us have fallen prey to this urge in our low moments.
3: Release your pent up emotions productively.
Sadness, jealousy, and anger are a poison that will turn you into a furious incel if you let them. The only thing that separates the road to incel and alpha is how you harness these feelings.
For one, you should be on a take no prisoners daily routine that keeps you disciplined. Part of what makes a breakup so painful is the disruption to your routine. You can combat that by reading this guide about creating the ultimate alpha male routine.
You should already be lifting, but if you’re not, it’s time to start. Get on a 3-day full-body split that uses heavy compound lifts. I shouldn’t need to say too much about this, because it should be common knowledge by now.
The other piece, find another physical outlet besides just lifting. Ideally something competitive. Any kind of fighting or other type of contact sport is best. No matter how shitty you feel, dominating in competition will get your testosterone flowing and slowly help you get back to normal.
Make it a point to get strenuous physical activity at least 5x a week. For me, it was a refuge when nothing else seemed to work, save one thing.
Journaling. It is without a doubt one of the most transformative things most men aren’t doing.
In your quiet moments while you’re alone, you need to spend time reflecting on what happened during your relationship, otherwise you’re going to be doomed to repeat the same mistakes later.
Whenever you catch yourself thinking of her, or playing back memories of her in your head, ask yourself what you did wrong. Were you too needy? Not consistent enough? Did you lead her in the relationship, or allow yourself to be led?
Take note of the insights you find in a journal. Keeping your collected thoughts in a journal is one of the most valuable things you can do as a man. Powerful men the a across history, from the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius, to General George S. Patton kept journals throughout their lives.
They used these journals to collect their thoughts where they could later analyze them. Aurelius’ journals of his own personal musings and philosophies were turned into Meditations, the seminal text on Stoicism.
Patton used his notebook for everything from war-strategy to drawing. It allowed him to keep himself collected while the American forces under his command swept through Europe during WW2.
Learn from their example and do the same. The notes you take will allow you to look back later when you are emotionally removed from the situation. Then, you can truly begin to understand why you felt the way you did, and learn more about what really makes you tick.
An Alpha is the master of himself, and true masters keep detailed notes.
4: Strive to become a little bit better of a man every day.
By now you’ve heard the Greek Philosopher Aristotle’s famous words:
“These virtues are formed in man by his doing the actions … The good of man is a working of the soul in the way of excellence in a complete life.”Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics
Although, you’ve probably not heard them stated like this, in their original translation. Chances are, you’ve heard this quote before, instead:
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit”Will Durant, The Story of Philosophy: The Lives and Opinions of the World’s Greatest Philosophers
In the most ironic sense, this is a great example of being fucking lazy. We’ve grown to “know” the second quote as belonging to Aristotle because many haven’t bothered to do their research. They didn’t strive to go a little bit deeper.
Handling a breakup like an Alpha means not taking shortcuts like our lazy researchers above. Most men will just passively sit and wait to get better. But that’s not you, now is it?
You’re already getting better in the physical sense by hitting the gym. But you can do more. Being Alpha is being excellent, and as Will Durant so eloquently said, excellence is a habit. Whatever field of endeavor you choose, you should strive to excel at it.
I am a big believer in using goal setting and achievement to recover after a breakup, and you should be too.
Goals give you purpose, which you can lack after a breakup. Is also no secret that goal achievement is linked to greater confidence, assertiveness, and happiness.
It’s no accident that the opposites of these three values (uncertainty, passiveness, and sadness) are exactly what you’re going to feel after a breakup.
I talk more about how to use goal-setting in my no-contact guide, so do go read about it there.
Once you have a goal in mind, strive to get a little bit closer to completing it every day. Make the effort, even if you can only do 15 minutes a day. Every minute you spend in pursuit of the goal gets you closer.
The more often you work towards the goal, the more often it will possess your thoughts. You’ll find yourself thinking less about your ex-girlfriend and more about the achievement of the goal.
You’ll be getting a little bit better every day, and chances are, someone will take notice.
5: When your ex-girlfriend reaches out, don’t rush to get back to her.
Even though she dumped you, if you follow the no contact rule and prioritize growing as a man, the chances are very good that your ex WILL reach out to you at some point after the breakup.
This isn’t an excuse for you to reach out to her, however.
What you do when your ex girlfriend reaches out depends on your own goals, as I discuss here. If she hasn’t reached out to you yet, read the article and figure out what YOU want to do when she reaches out.
If you still aren’t over the breakup, to the point where you wouldn’t react at all even if she showed up to your door, then continue to stay no-contact. If she reaches out once, the chances are overwhelming she’ll do so again in the future. You have time, there’s no rush.
She’s not going to forget you overnight.
Whatever happens when she reaches out, don’t react to her. Part of being a confident and assertive man is having others react to what you’re doing. It’s up to you to dictate the terms of the conversation (or lack thereof).
Bonus: Start dating new women
Now we’re on to the good part.
What’s the best way to get over how hot your ex was? Sleeping with a new, hotter woman.