I’m gonna skip the bullshit and get right down to the point: being friends with your ex-girlfriend to get her back is a huge fucking mistake.
Hell, it’s even worse if you don’t want her back and you just want to feel better.
And look, I get it.
I know what’s going through your head – because I’ve been in your shoes before.
You’re terrified of losing your best friend. Your life feels dull and empty without her.
And while you don’t really want to just be her friend – staying friends is better than losing the connection you had completely, right?
Because if you agree to be her friend, you can slowly win her back while you work on yourself.
Better yet, you can show her what an awesome, sensitive man you are by supporting her through one of the hardest times in her life.
What could go wrong?
Spoiler alert: a lot of shit can go very wrong – especially if you want to get her back. If you agree to be friends with her right after the breakup, you almost always end up paying a heavy price. And even worse – you’re not any more likely to get her back.
While there are a number of reasons why being friends with your ex-girlfriend to get her back is a mistake, today, we’re going to focus on the 7 most important. They are:
- Being friends right away makes it impossible to move on
- The friend zone destroys your confidence and masculine energy
- Conflicting emotions make it difficult to re-attract her
- Being her friend when you want her back can further damage her trust in you
- If you agree to friendship, she never gets a chance to miss you
- You make yourself emotionally unavailable to other women
- Your “friendship” will make it a hell of a lot harder to focus on yourself
If that’s all you came here for, great. Fuck off and get back to working on yourself. I’ll see you tomorrow when my next article drops.
On the other hand…
If you actually want to understand why being friends with her after a breakup is a bad idea, buckle up Johnny boy, because we’re going two feet first into this motherfucker.
Let’s start with the elephant in the room.
Reason 1: Being Friends With Her Makes It Difficult To Move On
“Wait a second” you’re thinking “Jack, I want her back! Why the hell would I want to move on?”
And my answer to that my friend is simple: you’re not guaranteed to get her back. I’ve written about this several times before: you have around a 30% chance of getting your ex back period.
Don’t listen to the fucking crooks like Brad Browning or Matthew Hussy who promise that you’re only a few psychological tricks away from getting her back – because you’re not. If you really were, you wouldn’t be reading this article.
Take it from someone who has spent the last 6 years and thousands of hours helping men like you: getting your ex-girlfriend back is harder than Liver King’s fake natty abs.
By the time most relationships end, the damage done is too great to repair, and the partners are too far apart for anything to be done.
It’s one of the greatest complaints of couples counselors around the world: when a relationship is broken, more often than not, it’s not coming back.
That’s why my course on how to get your ex back focuses on long-term masculine happiness instead of two-bit tricks to get your ex back – because the best place to be if you want her back is a place where you’re happy with your life – with or without her.
Unfortunately, being friends with your ex basically shoots that in the foot, because friendship with her makes it more difficult to do the shit that helps you move on like:
- Constructively working through your conflicting emotions about her and your former relationship with her
- Finding perspective on the relationship and your role in its end
- Stopping the obsessive thoughts / compulsive behaviors relating to her
- Finding peace and acceptance with where you’re at in life
- Dating other women (more on this in a second)
- Becoming truly outcome independent
And that’s not to mention that the friendzone is basically like being kicked in the gonads over…and over…and over.
Reason 2: The Friendzone Can Destroy Your Confidence And Masculine Energy
Quick – what do Kim Jong Un and the Friendzone both have in common?
Both have the potential to absolutely nuke the shit out of you if you don’t approach them correctly.
Your masculine energy and your confidence are aligned with where you fall in the dominance hierarchy.
A dominance hierarchy is a social structure where you are ranked in a particular order of power or social status. It refers to the way that individuals and groups within a society establish and maintain a social pecking order.
When you get stuck in the friendzone, what you’re implicitly signaling to yourself is that you are in a lower position of power than your ex-girlfriend – which nukes the shit out of your confidence and your masculine energy at a time where you desperately need both of these things to recover from the breakup – and to stand any chance of getting your ex-girlfriend back.
Why is this the case? Well:
- The friendzone is a form of sexual rejection – basically saying that you are not good enough to be with the woman you love. And despite this rejection – you’re willing to take table scraps – less than what you ultimately want. What does that say about you?
- The friendzone hands over all of your power to her – she’s able to extract the resources she wants from you (affection, support, social proof) while easily sidestepping your needs. And if you protest? “We can’t do that! We’re just friends!”
- The uncertainty creates an environment of fear and anxiety – where you’re one move away from potentially losing her forever.
- The friend zone destroys your ability to connect with other women and further diminishes your confidence that you’ll be able to find a better option.
Confidence and masculine energy come from standing up for yourself, stating what you want, and being willing to walk away from people and situations where your needs are not being met.
And let’s be honest: do you really think the friend zone will meet your needs?
Moreover, do you really think your ex-girlfriend wants a man who isn’t willing to stand up for what he wants?
You tell me.
Reason 3: Friendship Makes It Difficult To Re-Attract Her
While there is no one formula for re-attracting your ex-girlfriend because every relationship is different, I’ve covered the general formula before in my article on how to re-attract your ex-girlfriend.
I won’t go into detail since you can learn everything at the article above, but the process generally goes like this:
- Once the breakup happens – you make it clear that you love her, but it’s a relationship or nothing for you because you see her as both your friend and your lover – not just your friend.
- You back off and give her all the space she needs
- You take time to reflect on the relationship and diagnose what went wrong
- You actually fix what went wrong (if you can) via a habit stack
- You wait for her to contact you when she misses you (or use the advanced technique I teach in Module 8 of my course on how to get your ex back to reach out to her once you’ve moved on)
- You demonstrate change with action – not words
- You focus on having fun while you continue to work on yourself
The whole point of backing the fuck off and working on yourself is to inject an element of novelty back into your relationship.
Shake things up a little bit.
Add some mystery.
Give her something to discover about you once again.
You’re not the same old guy. Now, you’ve got layers of added depth and complexity ready to be undressed.
More than that – when you get too used to something, the subjective value of that thing diminishes.
Remember how f*cking wild it was when you got your first smartphone? Suddenly – anything was possible. You could effortlessly flip between TV, slicing the shit out of watermelons, and kreepin’ on some HD cooch.
Today, your smartphone can do that all and more – and now you don’t really give a shit, do you?
Same principle works with relationships.
Fun and incredible fireworks at the beginning, boredom and disinterest at the end.
Novelty is good.
Absence can make the heart grow stronger.
And guess what being her friend does?
It makes you predictable and boring – in addition to everything else we’ll talk about here. You’re not a wild-card anymore.
Reason 4: Being Her Friend Can Damage Her Trust In You
By all means – be her friend if you genuinely want to be her friend. I’ve talked about it before. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being friends with your ex-girlfriend once you’ve moved on from the breakup if you genuinely want to be her friend and you’re okay with no romantic relationship.
And in some cases it can even be beneficial – but that’s a topic for another time.
On the other hand, being her friend only because you want to get back together is bad.
It’s weak and makes you look selfish.
And once she sees through your smoke-and-mirrors charade – she’ll likely trust you even less than she does right now.
- It’s not respectful of her decision to not be in a relationship with you – AKA you don’t really care about her feelings – all you care about is relieving the pain you feel;
- It makes you look insecure – like you’re unable to exist without her in your life. Do you think she feels safe around a guy who needs her, not wants her? (Spoiler alert: no)
Have some fucking balls.
It’s okay to hurt without her. It’s okay to feel like you’re drowning. That’s why I’m writing to you right now. Your feelings are valid. And even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, if you stick with me, you’re going to make it.
But for the love of god, find the strength that I know you have somewhere deep down, and stand on your own two feet.
You might be broken, but you’re not fucking beaten.
It’s that strength, the courage that deep down, I know you have that is the start of rebuilding her trust.
Not lying to her face and pretending you’re really okay with being her friend because secretly, you can’t stomach the thought of a life without her.
Reason 5: Being Her Friend Makes It Harder To Focus On Yourself
By this point, it should be crystal clear why that’s the case.
It takes a shitload of self-control and emotional energy to stay friends with your ex-girlfriend.
And in case you haven’t noticed, you’re skint on both right now.
You need that self-control and emotional energy to be self-directed so you can find acceptance, put yourself back together – and actually start feeling better…
…and get her back.
Don’t forget that.
Isn’t feeling like yourself hard enough as it is?
Do you really want to make it worse?
Seeing the woman you love right in front of you while you have to pretend you’re okay with the idea that lurking in the shadows is your replacement?
Okay, I’ll stop.
It may not be that drastic.
But don’t get it twisted.
Her decision to dump you was not some spur-of-the-moment decision that she’ll snap out of and apologize for out of nowhere.
Oh no motherfucker. It goes way deeper than that.
She thought this thing out, likely for several months before the breakup.
And she’s got her reasons not to be in a relationship with you.
So it’s going to take time.
So why in the name of The Trumpmeister’s glorious toupee would you want to wait on feeling better?
Put yourself first.
Reason 6: Being Her Friend Distracts You From Other Women
When I was in my early 20s, I mistakenly agreed to be friends with my ex-girlfriend after we broke up. I was confused and so afraid of losing her. She was my best friend after all.
Our friendship was not much of a friendship. She was cold to me – for good reason. I had broken the trust beyond repair prior to our breakup. I hid my true feelings, lied to make myself look better – and didn’t have the balls to be honest about what I really wanted.
Plus I was a shitty communicator.
And she knew I wasn’t going to change unless she smacked me across the face – and that she deserved better.
She was right on both counts – and smartly held me at arms length.
While this was all going on, I had my back completely turned on not one, not two, but three different women that I ended up dating. I was so focused on my ex that I basically ignored all of them
All three of these women wanted to be with me and were emotionally available.
Why does this matter if you want to get her back?
Because here’s the thing – you might not really want her back.
There’s a good chance you’re just scared of being alone.
And even though the mainstream normies will tell me I’m an asshole for saying this – it doesn’t hurt to have a reminder that you’ve still got it.
And sometimes that reminder is all it takes to give you the strength to say no to a relationship that really doesn’t work with who you are, even if you’re scared to admit it.
Reason 7: It Gives You False Hope
Be honest with yourself and me for a second.
Her offer of friendship gives you hope. Hope that this is reversible. That you can fix this if you try hard enough.
You want to be the hero of your story.
And the hero always gets the girl.
Then again, we live in a world where tyrannical arch-villain Vladimir Putin is doing his best Comrade Stalin impression by massacring innocent Ukrainians and sending hundreds of thousands of his own people into a vicious slavic meat grinder – yet no one has put a bullet in his dome.
So suffice to say, we’re short on heroes right now.
And you’re probably not going to get the girl.
Your chances of getting her back hover around 35%.
Being her friend can just delay the inevitable.
TLDR: Don’t be her friend if you want her back – do this instead.
Hopefully I’ve smacked some sense into you without giving you CTE or any of that shit.
Being friends with your ex-girlfriend is counterproductive if you want her back, and even damaging to your long-term, masculine happiness.
- It makes it difficult to move on
- It blows your confidence and masculine energy to shit
- It makes re-attracting her that much harder
- It distracts you from focusing on yourself
- It damages her trust in you
- It distracts you from other potential relationships
- And it gives you a whole hell of a lot of false hope
So do us both a favor, even though you want her back, don’t be friends!
Stand your ground.
It’s a relationship or nothing.
Okay, now that I’ve got that out of the way – one more thing.
If somehow, I haven’t talked you out of trying to get back together with your ex-girlfriend…
And you’re still convinced she’s the best partner for you…
And you want a proven self-development system that will help you re-attract her without games…
..Or dishonest bullshit like agreeing to be friends…
Pick up The Fundamentals – my course on how to get your ex back and learn how to re-attract her right way.
I’ll see you inside,
Talk soon my friend,