If you really want her back after your breakup, acting cold like you don’t care about her at all will not get her back. The classic chest puffed-out “fuck you” is not attractive to women. On the other hand, telling her how much you love her, and how you’re going to wait for her also isn’t going to help you get her back either.
If you want your ex-girlfriend back, the best way to act after the breakup is like a self-respecting gentleman.
The best way to make a great impression around your ex-girlfriend is to act like a gentleman. Heck, becoming your version of a gentleman makes dating and having a relationship with any woman (including your ex) easier.
We’ll get into how to do both of these later in this article.
In the sea of assholes that don’t text back, needy men that won’t stop texting, weirdos, creeps, and oh the incels galore, a true gentleman stands out – especially to your ex-girlfriend.
If over the last few weeks and months, you’ve either been acting like an asshole (or needy, which is more likely), you need to get that shit under control if you want her back. You need to start acting like a gentleman, otherwise, you are quickly going to disqualify yourself from her.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
The 21st-century gentleman looks a bit like the stereotypical image you have in your head of the suited down, carefully groomed gentleman of the past.
He acts a bit differently, however.
For our purposes today, a gentleman is:
- Direct and RESPECTFUL in his intentions;
- Intentional in his behavior (he has a plan);
- Outcome independent;
- Unafraid to escalate;
- Aware of his boundaries;
- Cool, calm and collected;
- Patient, but not passive;
- Respectful to those around him;
- Secure in himself;
- Operating under a growth mindset;
- Consistent with his words and his actions;
- Put together;
If you are familiar with Men’s Breakup and what I teach here, you may notice that I’ve touched on each of these principles in other articles.
This is because the characteristics of a gentleman naturally build attraction with ALL women, not just your ex-girlfriend.
And that’s the great thing about learning to act like a gentleman. Even if you don’t end up getting your ex-girlfriend back, you learn how to behave like the type of man that millions of women are literally dying to meet.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Why Acting Like A Gentleman After The Breakup Helps You Get Her Back
Gentlemen Stand Out From The Crowd
Being a single woman is rough.
I know this can be hard to understand, especially when you are hurting after being dumped – but dating as a single woman is tough.
When your ex-girlfriend re-enters the dating market, she may begin to realize that the grass may not be greener on the other side after all.
Almost every woman I’ve spoken to over the years has at least one or two dating horror stories with men that either really didn’t get it, or were just downright horrible.
These men varied from crazy stalkers to outright control freaks.
Sandwiched between the freaks and creeps are plenty of mundane encounters with guys who were “nice” but didn’t really move the needle.
Stalkers and creeps get rejected, and nice guys who don’t escalate get nowhere.
Being a gentleman you’re not a nice guy, and you’re certainly not a psycho stalker.
A gentleman never needs to force anything with a woman. He is patient enough to give her the freedom to come to him at the pace she chooses, unlike the freaks and stalkers.
And unlike the nice guys, a gentleman isn’t afraid to apologize for wanting her. A gentleman moves the seduction forward with confidence, conversation, and decisive action like I talk about here in my guide for meeting up with her.
Being a gentleman will make you stand out if you do it right. If she can’t replace you, she’s more likely to chase you.
And as you already know, you want her chasing you.
A Gentleman Makes Her Feel Safe And Comfortable
I know a lot of you guys feel like time is not on your side. You feel like it’s a race against the clock to get her back.
But rushing to get back together with her is a lot of pressure, especially if she was the one who dumped you.
If you are desperate to get her back, your behavior can come across like you are pushing, or forcing the situation. Pushing and forcing are SCARY to her and will destroy her ability to feel safe and comfortable around you.
Many women have this constant worry in their minds that they will be forced into something – whether that’s a relationship, sex, or just an unpleasant conversation.
A lot of guys hear this and then they are afraid to do anything to escalate the situation around their ex-girlfriend.
But on the other hand, the guy that attempts nothing will have nothing to show for it.
The middle ground is to act like a gentleman and approach her from a place of love, kindness, and patience.
When you act like a gentleman, you prioritize moving the interaction forward but you only do so at a pace that’s relaxing and fun for her.
You are also paying attention to how she reacts, so if she is reacting poorly, you can step back before pushing things too far.
By respecting her boundaries and only moving things forward when you know she’s comfortable, you will make her feel safe and comfortable around you, which builds trust.
Ask any woman what she’s looking for in a guy and I promise you, trust is high up there on that list.
When it comes to getting your ex-girlfriend back, rebuilding that trust is critical.
Acting Like A Gentleman Around Your Ex-Girlfriend Will Rehabilitate Her Attraction To You
As I talk about in my article about the 6 reasons why women leave men, when women leave you it’s almost always in response to something you did (or failed to do).
In other words, you screwed something up, and that dropped her attraction to you. When her attraction dropped past a certain point, she left you.
Chances are, her leaving you was at least partially due to one of the following:
As I’ve talked about before, one of the key pillars for rebuilding her attraction to you is to show her you’ve changed without having to say it.
By acting like a gentleman around her, you address 3 major areas that are critically important to both attraction and the long-term viability of any relationship.
And guess what that does?
It can (with plenty of patience) help to change her opinion of you, and rebuild lost attraction.
Alright, enough of the why. Let’s move into what you are really here for – the how.
How To Act Like A Gentleman Around Your Ex-Girlfriend
If you are following what I teach here at Men’s Breakup, the only time you should be around your ex-girlfriend is if she specifically reached out to you and you’ve invited her to a date at your place.
If you run into her out in the wild, you should try to avoid interacting with her unless she pushes the issue to come up to you.
1: If The Interaction Is Accidental, Wait Before You Escalate
If you see her walking down the street or at a friend’s house party, I know it can be tempting to want to talk to her. But just because you want to talk to her, does not mean she wants to talk to you.
A gentleman respects those around him – and that includes her too.
You want to mirror what she does, at least initially.
For example, if she walks by you and waves, you do the same in a relaxed, nonchalant manner.
If she keeps walking, you do the same.
If she comes up and talks to you, have a short & positive conversation before excusing yourself. You only really want to engage her if you’ve got her 1 on 1 at your place, where both of you can relax and have an open, engaging conversation without any distractions.
2: Dress For Success
Assuming she’s coming over to your place, you want to make sure you are dressed well. When you look good, you feel good.
Gentlemen do not dress like slobs. Gentlemen take pride in their appearance.
- Get a fresh haircut
- Style your beard or shave it off
- Trim your nails
- Smell decent (that means deoderant + a good cologne)
- Work out – if you aren’t already.
Besides the basics, you also want to wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself. Pick an outfit that naturally shows off the best parts of you.
If you need help picking out the right style for your body type, click this link to book a coaching session with me here. I help guys out with this all the time.
3: Ask More Questions Then You Answer
Gentlemen are good communicators and they have genuine interest in the people they are talking to.
A great way to show this is by asking engaging questions. You already know what she’s interested in – so ask her questions about those things.
As a rule of thumb, any time you are around your ex-girlfriend, she should be doing between 60-80% of the talking.
4: Remind Yourself, It’s Not That Serious
You have to resist the urge to get into an emotional discussion with your ex-girlfriend.
I know there are so many things you want to tell her, but keep those to yourself. Unloading your misery all over her is not going to help you get her back.
You want to keep things light, a little bit flirty, and fun.
Of course, this is easier said than done. Normally meeting up with her is a knees weak, arms spaghetti type deal for most guys.
It’s, for this reason, I’m always reminding you: go out and date other women! The more practice you get acting like a gentleman with other women, the easier it’ll be for you to act like a gentleman around your ex-girlfriend.
5: 2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back (Be Patient!)
When you have your ex-girlfriend at your place, you always want to be looking to move from talking, to touching, to kissing, to heavy touching…and you get the idea.
You don’t want it to be a linear progression though. You want to work touching her and kissing her (if she’s receptive!) into the mix while you’re engaging her in conversation.
Kiss her for a little bit, then move back to talking. Touch her softly for a few minutes and then keep your hands to yourself.
You want her to never know what to expect.
Even though you know this is all part of the plan.
6: Keep Your Emotions Under Control
Feeling a little bit emotional now that she’s finally over at your place? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Around 80% of the men I work with feel this way. Whether it’s nervousness, jealousy, desperation, etc.
Whatever it is you’re feeling, keep it to yourself. When you’re around your ex-girlfriend, you want to be focused on the fun.
Even though you may be DYING to talk about the breakup, or to ask her if she’s dating anyone, don’t.
Gentlemen are cool, calm, and collected. Again, this is why it’s so important to date other women. If your ex-girlfriend isn’t the only woman in your life, you’ll be a lot less stressed about what happens when you get together.
7: Don’t Hold A Grudge
This only applies to a small subsection of you guys, but I know some of you feel pretty angry that she dumped you.
That anger in a lot of cases is really just your reaction to the vulnerability of being rejected.
So let me remind you.
Gentlemen don’t hold grudges. If you want to yell and scream at her, the problem isn’t her. The problem is inside you.
If you really want her back, you need to remind yourself that anger is a poison. Find a way to work through it constructively so that you can let it go.
8: For The Love Of God, Don’t Lie
You might think you’ll impress her by spinning a lie as grand as Trump’s border wall.
But you won’t.
Gentlemen do not lie – because lying does not make you happy long term. Not only will she eventually find out about the lie, but if you feel compelled to keep it up you’ll eventually begin living in a fantasy world like half of the US Republican party (and Boris Johnson, for my U.K homies).
If you feel the need to pretend to be something you are not, you need to sit down and ask yourself if you are really living up to being the type of man you really want to be.
Gentlemen embrace a growth mindset – which means you can improve who you are with time and focused effort.
If I’ve noticed one thing in life, we tend to lie about the things we are insecure about.
So take note, take action, and fix those things.
But don’t, for the love of god, try to lie to your ex-girlfriend.
Learning to act like a true gentleman around your ex-girlfriend is a struggle. It personally took me YEARS to get the right balance, and that was only after I dated dozens of different women.
Talk soon my friend,