It’s amazing to me how often we take books for granted.
Quite literally, the answer to any question, or the solution to any problem can be found in a book with very few exceptions.
And if you’re reading this, I’m willing to assume you have a problem that you need to solve.
Maybe you’re trying to get over the ex-girlfriend that dumped you.
Maybe you’re trying to get her back.
Perhaps you’re wondering where to go from here?
Or maybe you’re just looking for hope for the future.
About 5 years ago I was in your shoes right after I was down and out after the worst breakup of my life. As a voracious reader, I certainly didn’t have all the answers at the time. But I knew what did.
And by now I’m sure you’re going to guess where I turned!
I went on a search for the best breakup books for guys.
But I was disappointed by what I initially found. All these books that dealt with heartbreak and moving on were written for women.
Even worse, the ones that weren’t didn’t really have anything new to add except for the time honor, honey-dipped bullshit that is “give it time“.
Fuck that. I’m a patient person, but I wasn’t going to wait.
So I decided to branch out. I spent about 6 months reading every single personal development book I could get my hands on.
I figured I would be able to pull lessons from each that would help me ease the heartbreak I was feeling.
And guess what?
In those 6 months, I went from being devastated about my breakup to realizing it was the single best thing that had happened to me in my life up to that point.
I then used that motivation to launch my career as a marketing manager, start several small businesses, date numerous beautiful women at the same time, and enjoy the best period of prosperity I’ve ever experienced.
All because I decided to pick up a few books.
But this is about you – not about me. So without further adieu, here are the 7 best books to read after a breakup for you guys.
Again, none of these are going to be traditional “self-help” relationship books, because most of them are a re-hashed version of the same old bullshit.
1: Maximum Achievement, By Brian Tracy
The first time I finished Maximum Achievement, I bawled my eyes out.
I mean it.
And no, these weren’t tears of sadness. They were tears of joy.
I felt free. Free from the pain, the jealousy, and the hurt that I felt.
It was a life-changing experience I still remembered vividly on account of how powerful it was.
I consider this book required reading for any man, whether you’re going through a breakup or not. If I had to pick one book that was responsible for all my personal and professional success, it would be Maximum Achievement.
While it’s not a dating book by any means, many of the principles laid on in Maximum Achievement helped me to create unbelievable abundance in my dating life.
It made me realize that the life I had always dreamed about was not only possible, but probable if I put things into motion.
Don’t think twice. Get it, read it 5-10x, and thank me later.
2: How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World, By Harry Browne
If you identify as liberal or conservative, this book is going to rustle your jimmies real good, like the nice ole’ priest at Sunday School.
But that’s exactly why you need to read it.
Whether you realize it or not, most of the pain you are experiencing right now isn’t because of what’s happening to you.
The pain is caused by how you handle it, or in many cases, don’t handle it.
Browne argues that nearly every pain can be fixed if you’re willing to pay the price. That includes financial, spiritual, and relationship pains.
None of the advice in this book is groundbreaking and you’ve probably heard bits and pieces of it before. But, in my opinion, no one source has laid it out as eloquently as Harry Browne.
This book completely changed my life. Not only did it open my eyes to how good freedom felt, but it taught me to approach pain as something you can solve – if you’re willing to pay the price.
While Maximum Achievement may have been what set me free, How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World was what kept me free.
3: Meditations, By Marcus Aurelius
Now let’s rewind a couple of thousand years and add some serious western philosophy to this discussion.
At first glance, the personal writings of a Roman Emperor who’s been dead for nearly 2,000 years might not seem to be very related to dealing with a breakup.
That’s what I thought too when I picked up Meditations for the first time.
But when I finished it, I realized I was completely off the mark.
Just like How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World, Meditations focuses on the many pains we suffer at the hands of our environment and the hands of others.
And much like how Harry Browne offers a solution, so does Marcus Aurelius.
And the solution is as simple as it is eloquent: our pain isn’t caused by what happens to us. It’s caused by how we react to it.
The single most attractive trait to women is outcome independence. True outcome independence has a gravity that pulls women to you in droves.
If you want magnetic outcome independence that makes women throw themselves at you, reading Meditations will get you there. In my opinion, a 2000-year-old Roman Emperor taught me more about getting laid than any modern game “guru”.
Not bad for a guy who never remarried after his wife died.
4: Extreme Ownership, By Jocko Willink & Leif Babin
Jocko Willink & Leif Babin are two bad motherfuckers.
Seriously, Jocko looks like he’s been chiseled from unyielding granite, and Leif has eyes that shoot bullets into you.
I picked this book up for the first time while I was in New York City on my way back to my hotel from a conference.
Less than 4 hours later, I found myself glancing at the red numbers of the shitty hotel alarm clock. It was nearly 2 AM, and I had just read Extreme Ownership cover to cover.
By the time I got on my flight back home a day later, I had read it 3 times.
Ironically enough, the conference my company had paid handsomely for me to attend with some of the leaders in the marketing space (think Google, Amazon, Apple) taught me less then what I had learned in 3 cover-to-cover reads of Extreme Ownership, which cost me about $30.
I didn’t mention that in my report, mind you.
If you’re struggling to control yourself and have drama free relationships with friends, family, and women, you NEED this book.
Just be prepared to start getting up at 4 AM.
5: The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People, By Steven Covey
Begin with the end in mind.
Yeah, you’ve probably heard that one before.
It’s the second of 7 “habits” that Steven Covey teaches – but in my opinion it’s the most important. When you’re going through a bad breakup, it can feel like the world is ending.
Shit, I know it did for me.
The key to surviving a bad breakup is to get outside yourself and remember that you still have a lot of life left to live.
And guess what the 7 habits of highly effective people does?
It helps you re-focus on that virtue.
While Maximum Achievement showed me that creating the life that I wanted could be possible, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People was the book that showed me HOW to make it possible.
By beginning with the end in mind, I was able to create the life I had always wanted.
And guess what? Building that life for myself took away all the pain I felt from my breakup.
6: Words That Work, By Dr. Frank Luntz
Think back to the last time you talked to your ex-girlfriend.
You definitely said some things that made sense to you that she didn’t quite seem to understand.
And the reverse was probably true for her as well.
I know there were things she told you that left you scratching your head.
So what gives?
According to Dr. Frank Luntz, it’s not what you say, it’s what other people hear.
Imagine for a second you were able to tell your ex-girlfriend exactly how you felt about her.
Imagine how she would react if she understood every word you spoke perfectly, as you understand it.
Or imagine if you could walk up to a beautiful woman and effortlessly get her to agree to a date with you.
Guess what Words That Work teaches you how to do?
Words That Work teaches you to get your point across in a way that people understand. It’s helped me to enjoy more meaningful relationships where I get what I want.
7: The Tipping Point, By Malcolm Gladwell & Made To Stick, By Chip & Dan Heath
Before you start flaming me for having two books in one, hear me out.
Even though these books have different authors who didn’t work together, they both discuss one part of a whole idea.
For example, have you ever heard that criminal gangs are drugging people and stealing their kidneys?
If you have, I have some good news for you. For one, your kidneys aren’t at risk of getting stolen. This “idea” is a myth.
But it’s been spread faster then the clap at a Las Vegas strip club.
And unlike the clap, it actually has stuck with people.
While Words That Work deals with being understood, these two books address how to make those same words be unforgettable.
The concepts you can learn from these two books make dating effortless. You’ll be able to communicate your ideas in a way where they stick to the women you’re dating like glue.
Better yet, if you’re trying to get your ex-girlfriend back, the principles in these books will help you convince her over time that you’re a changed man.
Convince her that you’re a changed man and you’re much more likely to keep her for good.
Bonus: The Defining Decade By Meg Jay, PhD
Let me preface this by saying this book is really for the younger guys here – specifically those under 30.
If you’re in your 20s right now and you don’t have a plan for where your life is going, you need to read this book.
Your 20s the most important time of your life. Ask any guy that’s over 40 and he’ll tell you the same thing.
This book deals with how to take full advantage of your 20s, both personally and professionally.
While I don’t agree with all of it, the overarching message of urgency Meg Jay stresses is refreshingly welcome. You’ll feel the same way once you read it.
So read it. Don’t waste your 20s and end up regretting it.