How To Get Her Back – Page 2

If you've been wondering something along the lines of "Does she miss me?" then you are in luck. Because the answer is yes. She does miss you. She will miss you after you break up. She may even miss you if she dumped you. In fact - I'll even prove she either has or will miss you at some point in just a second. But, that's contingent on you doing something important. You Must Walk Away For Her To Miss You There are a number of men in my audience who are scared to walk away. I get emails from guys like this all the time. They'll ask questions like: Will she miss me if I walk away?If I stop talking to her, will she miss me?Will she miss me if I give her space? The answer to all of the above is yes, probably. If this is you, and you are asking these types of questions - I know you are scared to walk away. I get it. But you keep reaching out to her after she has either asked for space or made the decision to end things, she's not going to miss you as much, if she even misses you at all. If she makes the decision to end it, you have to respect her space and respect yourself enough to walk away. Read More: The 7 Things You Need To Do When She Asks For Space You must have the courage to put yourself first and go no-contact. If you do, she will eventually miss you (or your relationship) at some point. Read More: The Ultimate Guide To No Contact With Your Ex Girlfriend This is on average, or in other words, the majority of cases. Yes, there are some exceptions. If you abused her or were in a short-term relationship (<3 months) then she might not miss you. But for the rest of you - your case is probably not an exception. She probably has missed you or will miss you at some point, assuming you were in a loving, supportive relationship that ended for whatever reason. So if you opened this article just to inflate your ego a bit, you can close it now. Those are the surface-level answers to the most common questions I get asked on the subject. For the rest of you who aren't satisfied with an average answer, I have an uncomfortable truth for you. You won't like it, but it will make you a better man. Your ex-girlfriend will miss you at some point, but... It may not matter. If you choose to believe those "Get Ex-Back Quick" "guides", making her miss you is all it takes to get her back. One word that so perfectly describes the orange man. It's not, which is another reason those guides don't work. Don't get me wrong, she has to miss you for her to want to get back together with you. Her missing you is what kickstarts the entire process of getting her back. But you're going to need far more than that. So if you're really interested in what it takes to get her back, you'll want to pick up your copy of my course The Fundamentals which will show you the 7 critical ingredients to your second chance. You can read more about it here. So what gives? Her missing you does not mean that she wants to be with you. Her missing you does not mean you should want to be with her. Her missing you does not mean your relationship is magically going to come back together. Look, I realize that you miss her, and hope she is missing you in return. There's nothing wrong with that, it's human nature to miss her. No one is arguing that. But I know you're also secretly hoping that if she misses you enough, she'll come back to you. Why else would you be reading this article? So here's the deal. I'm going to show you the signs she misses you, what you need to do to make her miss you, and finally...why her missing you may not matter. Make sure you read until the end - because there's a surprise twist to her missing you that I bet you aren't expecting. First things first, let's start with another uncomfortable truth. Does She Miss Me Like I Miss Her? If you're wondering "Does she miss me as much as I miss her?" the answer is: it depends. You can't assume that just because you feel a certain way that she feels the same. While it's impossible for either of us to know for sure, we can look to what the research says. Assuming she dumped you, she likely had time to mourn your relationship and make her peace with moving on. That doesn't mean she's not going to miss you, but it probably means she is going to miss you less. That's because... Read More: Your Ex Moved On So Fast Because For Her, Your Relationship Was Already Over Women (generally) tend to think less favorably of their ex-partners than men do[1]. And because of this... Women (generally) move on from relationships faster than men do - as they have more social support, and do a better job of expressing, and then accepting their feelings than most men do.[2] Does that mean you're doomed? Not at all. Keep reading, as there are steps you can take to help make her miss you. Now, what about if you dumped her and now you miss her? If you were the one who dumped her, it's certainly possible she misses you like you miss her. If you didn't give her much warning, or she thought the relationship was on good terms if you suddenly end things it's going to take her a little while to come to terms with what happened. Again - there's no way to say for sure, however. The best thing you can do if you want to know whether or not she misses you is to check the signs below to see if she misses you. 9 Signs Your Ex-Girlfriend Misses You (Pay Attention) Instead of lying awake at night wondering "Does she miss me?" like I used to, pay attention to the signs below have listed below. These 9 signs are the most reliable indicators that she may miss you. As I've already said, it's impossible to know how much she misses you. With that in mind, the more of these behaviors you see at once, the more likely she misses you. These signs are listed in no particular order, though I have called out the signs that may indicate she misses you, versus the ones that definitely show she misses you. 1: She Reaches Out To You (Even If She Ended Things) Assuming you are following no-contact correctly if she reaches out to you for reasons that are NOT related to the breakup logistics, she misses you. This includes asking how you are doing, sending you stuff she thinks you'll find funny, reminiscing, and asking you completely random questions. The problem is, most men I work with end up completely fumbling the football once they get to this point. They end up getting into a boring back-and-forth conversation until the spark fades. How can you avoid being like them? Read the article below. Read More: Ignore Your Ex-Girlfriend's Texts - Do This Instead 2: She's Interested In Meeting Up If your ex-girlfriend has expressed interest in meeting up - you can be 99% sure she misses you. This is assuming that she is the one who wants to meet up. This is also true if you follow what I teach and pitch the meetup if she reaches out to you while you are in no contact. So what do you do if she wants to meet up? Simple. Follow the method I have laid out in the article below and make a definite date. Read More: What To Do When Your Ex Agrees To Meet Up 3: She Stays Up To Date On Your Social Media Activity Is she watching all your Instagram stories and liking and commenting on your posts? Does she keep tagging you in stuff? She might miss you. Her keeping up to date with what you're doing on social media shows that she is at least paying attention. It doesn't mean she misses you necessarily - but it at least means she's looking. This sign on its own isn't a strong enough indicator that she misses you - you want to see it in conjunction with other signs on this list. With all that being said, if you still follow her on social media (especially Instagram) you need to cut that out right now. Read More: Why You Need To Unfollow Your Ex On Instagram 4: She Asks Mutual Friends / Family Members How You Are Doing If she's asking after you in her family or social circle - she's thinking about you, and she probably misses you. This is a great sign of interest, and usually indicates she misses you. In some cases, her intentions may be strictly platonic - because she still cares about you. Other times, this can be to determine if you have started dating someone else. If she hasn't reached out to you directly but has asked after you - don't do anything. There's a good chance you will be hearing from her soon, so sit on your hands and wait. 5: She Shows Up At Places When You Are There If she mysteriously shows up at a mutual friend's house, an event, or something similar - and she knows you are going to be there, she may miss you. You want to see this sign in conjunction with other signs. On its own, it doesn't mean she misses you. 6: She Drunk Texts You Drinking removes our inhibitions and unleashes the person that we usually keep hidden behind a carefully constructed mask. If she gets drunk and decides to reach out to you - she definitely misses you. I warn you though - while she might act uninhibited and free when she's drunk, you are likely going to see a very different version of her sober. If she drunk texts you, chances are you are going to want to go back and forth with her. Don't. If she reaches out to you while you are drunk, make sure she has a plan to get home safe (be a good guy, after all), and then tell her to contact you when she's sober. 7: She Acts Shy / Nervous When You See Her If you run into her, pay attention to how she acts - because that may give away if she misses you or not. It's important to understand that her acting shy/nervous around you may be because she is uncomfortable. If you notice her body language looks closed off (she's crossing her arms, standing at an angle to you, pointing her feet away, constantly looking away) then she probably is uncomfortable. On the other hand, if she appears receptive (playing with her hair, adjusting her makeup, making good eye contact, smiling, etc) when you see her - that's a great sign she misses you. Should you do anything though? No. If running into her was a chance thing - don't try to follow up. Sit back and let her reach out to you. Read More: Don't Chase. Let Her Go If You Want Her Back 8: She's Interested In Being Friends With Benefits If you've been hooking up with her, but she continues to keep you at a distance while saying things like "We're not getting back together" or "You're not right for me" - she is treating you like a friend with benefits. While it doesn't mean she misses you romantically, if your sexual chemistry was excellent, and she still feels safe and comfortable around you after the breakup, she may miss the sex. While she can miss the sex without missing the relationship (or you, for that matter) sex is a much more emotionally involved experience for women than it is for men. [3] Read between the lines here. More emotionally involved = she's still emotionally attached to you. AKA she misses you. Read More: The Myth Of Friends With Benefits With Your Ex-Girlfriend 9: She's Interested In Being Friends With No Benefits "Let's just be friends for now and see what happens". It's tempting to want to hold on to the friendship aspect of a relationship after it ends. If she suggests friendship, it's often because she misses you / still cares about you. It's also possible she wants to let you down easy. This is a good sign that she misses you. Does that mean you should agree to being friends? No. Never. Even if you want to be her friend. Read More: She Dumped Me And Wants To Be Friends. Now What? Read More: Why You Should Never Agree To Be Friends Bonus: She's Rubbing Her New Relationship In Your Face If she's dating a new guy, your first assumption is probably something along the lines of "Well, I guess she doesn't miss me". But that's necessarily the case. While it's completely possible she doesn't miss you, and she's completely moved on - there's a little quirk about rebound relationships, in particular, that screams exactly the opposite. What is the quirk? You can read more about it below. Read More: Why Your Ex Seems So Happy With Her Rebound TLDR: She Will Miss You / She Does Miss You Unless You Royally Fucked Something Up As I've talked about many times, she will miss you at some point, even if she dumped you. The one exception is if you massively, and I'm talking massively fucked something up. I'm talking abuse, severe neediness, you being her rebound or something of that caliber. And honestly, depending on what it is, she STILL may miss you. So what I'm telling you is she has missed, or is missing, or will miss you at some point. Even if she's shown you none of the signs. Most guys that get my help end up realizing their ex-girlfriend misses them. It doesn't mean that she will miss you for very long. Women tend to move on faster than men do because they have more social support than men, and generally do a better job of rebuilding their self-concept. It doesn't mean she's going to be hurting as badly as you are. Women get over breakups faster than men do. But on average, she will miss you at some point. I've seen plenty of "dating coaching" (including some you may have read) paint women as these cold, unfeeling bitches that will robotically leave your ass and laugh maniacally while they do it. But that's not the case. Read More: The Real Reason Your Ex-Girlfriend Is Acting So Cold "These women never miss you, because you suck, now buy my $7,499 master course on how not to suck, just like I do" "Dating coaches" as they suck up your cash faster than Obeezy sucked up all that sweet, sweet German data. But the truth is, most women will miss you, assuming you had a loving, supporting relationship and you weren't a giant, flapping asshole. Those good memories aren't going to fade overnight, no matter how the relationship ended. Breakups are an intensely painful process for women too. Don't lose sight of that - and try to keep some compassion even when it's hard. Read More: Don't Let One Women Influence How You Judge All Women That includes when you get dumped. It's unlikely you went through a breakup that was the equivalent of that nuclear level meltdown conservatives had when our man Obeezy wore his tan suit. Gotta raise those payroll taxes to pay for my new suit - Obama (probably) Credit: (Imgflip) If your breakup happens for a normal reason, she will miss you at some point. This includes breakups centered around: BoredomCheating Communication issuesBalance of power problems Jealousy & control issues Taking her for granted Etc. This applies to LONG-TERM relationships, which are generally relationships that are over 6 months long. If you were together for only a couple of months and you barely know her, this does not apply to you. That doesn't mean she won't miss you if you were together for a short time, it just means that I can't guarantee it like I can with long-term relationships. The point is, if she hasn't missed you already, she will at some point in the future. So with that in mind... Instead Of Asking Questions Like "How To Make Her Miss You After The Breakup" You Should Focus On Yourself Don't get hung up on actively trying to make her miss you, because there is nothing that you can do to force a woman to miss you. The things that will make her miss you are things you should be doing whether or not you want her back. If you don't believe me, feel free to try the "tactics" that all the always reputable ex-back coaches recommend and get back to me. See if they work. See if they make you feel better. Try calling her on the phone to "reactivate her feelings" by having all the short, witty conversations you want or go hog wild posting pictures of you having fun on Instagram. Or, you could try any of these hair-brained "tactics": Pretending to be unaffected by the breakupActing happy without her especially around mutual friends; Pretending to date or get involved with another woman immediately; Actually showing off a new woman to her; Giving back her stuff; Getting new clothes / a new haircut; Like I said - try them, and see what happens. The best thing you can do if you want her to miss you is to give her as much space and time as she needs to either miss you, or move on. You must walk away and never look back. Assume you will never see her again - and turn your focus from what you need to do to make her miss you, to what you need to do to help yourself heal. Seems easy enough, right? Too bad most men do the opposite. Why Doesn't She Miss Me? Before you assume that she doesn't miss you - pump the breaks for a second. Just because she hasn't shown you she misses you doesn't mean she doesn't miss you at all. With that in mind, if you are still convinced she doesn't miss you, I want you to ask yourself an important question. Have you given her the time and space to miss you? Have you been reaching out to her to beg, plead, or ask for closure? Have you continued to send her funny memes, texts, or other videos? Have you kept "checking in" on her? If so - there's a reason she doesn't miss you: because you're still a part of her life. If you want her to miss you, you need to vanish from her life. That means total radio silence, not 2 weeks of no-contact followed by immediately reaching out. C'mon man. I know that you've made this mistake at least once or twice, because I've made it many times, and so do many men I work with. So please, for your sake. Stick with no-contact. It really will make you feel better. Forget about using it to make her miss you. Do it because you deserve to feel better. You're not giving her the space to miss you (this is the most common mistake); You didn't have time to build a bond with her; She moved on to someone else; How To Help Make Her Miss You (If She Doesn't Already) While it's impossible to force her to miss you, you can definitely force her not to miss you. Here's how to avoid that. 1: Walk Away She will miss you more if you don't contact her. If you follow what I teach, you must immediately walk away after the breakup - so you can take the time to heal, focus on yourself, and find your way again. Walking away means indefinite no-contact. None of this 21, 30, or 45-day no-contact bullshit. You take the breakup like a man, and tell her that if she changes her mind to contact you. After that, you walk away until she reaches out. You don't contact her for any reason. If you are able to remain strong and resist the urge to reach out to her, this can cause her to miss you. If you are always there, and always available - how could she miss you? Her missing you is one of the side benefits of walking away with the no-contact rule, assuming your breakup A) was a long-term relationship and B) was a normal breakup. And her missing you is good. When she misses you during no-contact, she will at minimum not lose attraction to you. In some cases, (especially if you were too needy) this will increase her attraction to you over time. 2: Don't Spend A Ton Of Time Talking On The Phone If she reaches out to you, I know you'll be tempted to want to chit-chat and catch up. I get it. You miss her, and you care about her. She may feel the same way. But if you want her back, trying to chit-chat on the phone is not the way to go about it. You want to meet up with her in person so you can begin to re-attract her with the positive changes you have made to your life and your relationship skills. You don't do that over the phone. Instead of low-commitment, disengaged texting - assume she is interested and invite her on a date after 5-10 minutes of engaging conversation. Read More: Ignore Her Texts. Do This Instead If you are trying to move on - just ignore the message. You should have her blocked if that is the case. 3: Only See Her Once Per Week (Initially) If you are meeting up with her, don't meet up more than once per calendar week. You want to be busy living your life, so you can give her feelings the time to develop naturally. Too many men I work with try to go for everything all at once. You need to be patient...which leads me into my next point. 4: Have A Life You Love! It's your vibe that matters, not your looks. Positive, happy-go-lucky men who are fully immersed in a life they love to live are far more attractive than negative, downer men that don't have much going for them. Before you even think about getting back together with her - take some time to ask yourself if you are really living the type of life that you deserve. Think back to before the breakup. Were you as happy as you should be back then? If the answer is no, then it may be worth it to dare to ask one of the most difficult questions: Why? Your life is your fault after all, so why is your life less happy than you deserve? What choices did you make (or fail to make) that led you here? Should you course correct? There's no "hack" to getting your ex-girlfriend back - but being totally happy with your own life without her is about as close as it gets. Because that my friend, is true outcome independence. Read More: Outcome Independence In Dating: Be Different With Indifference Read More: The Stoic Man's Guide To Living A Good Life After A Breakup Are These Steps Garunteed To Make Her Miss You? Of Course Not. But what is the alternative? Begging? Sulking? Pleading? Chasing her away? Trying to be her friend? The best move you can make is to walk away and go no-contact. It's the best (and most effective) thing you can do to give her the time and space to miss you. But like I said before...that does not mean you will get back together. And that my friend is because... Making Her Miss You Does NOT Work On Its Own Remember what I said before? Just because she misses you doesn't mean she's going to get back together with you. That's not all it takes. Think back over the last 3-5 years. I bet you have a friend (or friends) that you miss from back then, don't you? Are you friends with them right now, even though you miss them? If not, why not? Once you answer these questions I think you'll get the point - that for one reason or another, not all relationships are meant to last. Even the ones you feel (incorrectly) are going to last forever. No special woman is going to stay with you forever. You can feel however you want. The numbers don't agree with your feelings. As I talk about in my article on the 6 real reasons she dumped you, most long-term relationships fizzle out in between 2-4 years, depending on your age. This is equally true for marriages and long-term, non-married relationships. Even worse, most of these couples won't get back together either. According to numerous studies I cite in my article "Will She Come Back? How To Maximize Your Chances" the chance that you'll fail to get her back (without the right techniques) is somewhere between 62-70%, if not higher. And for the guys who managed to get their ex-girlfriends back, the studies only measure if the women came back, not if they stayed. Read between the lines here. Almost all women will miss their ex-boyfriends at some point. But between 62-70% of couples that break up won't get back together. So why is that? There are two reasons. Number one, is most people underestimate the amount of work it takes to fix a broken relationship. Very rarely is it just one or two little tweaks. It's a much more involved process that sometimes takes years of constant effort that most people are not willing to put in. True change doesn't happen overnight. It also requires a level of self-awareness that most people just don't have. Look around you. How many people have the self-awareness to know their faults and the discipline to put in place a system to address them? Not many. Saving a broken relationship REQUIRES both of these, from not one, but both parties. And that my friend, leads us to another uncomfortable truth. Just Because She Misses You Doesn't Mean Your Relationship Is Worth Saving So now you understand that she: Has missed you ORWill miss you in the future Great! Assuming you do things correctly and immediately walk away, she will miss you. But now we need to explore the painful truth for many of you reading this: to her, your relationship may not be worth saving. And honestly, for many of you reading this, it's probably not worth going back. I know these are two bold claims, especially in an industry where "coaches" love to promise you the world in return for $1,997. So let's wind the clock back a few years. Gather around the fire kids, it's storytime. She Missed Me & I Got Her Back. But It Wasn't Meant To Be The first girl I ever dated seriously, (let's call her Gia) I was in a long-term relationship with for 3.5 years. When she dumped me, I was crushed. I lost my drive and motivation to do anything. In the span of about a month, I lost 15 pounds, my grades slipped, and I made no progress in any of my businesses. Read More: The Breakup Fast: The Reason You Aren't Feeling Hungry Lately That breakup was the one that initially inspired me to begin researching the beginnings of the Men's Breakup "Breakthrough Breakup" system, but that's another story entirely. My life felt like it ground to a halt. I (incorrectly) thought that the only way to get back to feeling normal was to do anything in my power to get her back. Just like you, I looked for all the signs that she missed me. After about a month of doing everything wrong, I managed to stay on no-contact for something like 2 months. And guess what? She reached out. She missed me. She literally told me "I feel like there's a hole in my life where you used to be". I went to see her shortly after that. We flirted and ended up having sex, just like I teach in my article about meeting up with her for the first time. At first, it felt great. After trying everything to get her back it felt like I was finally making some real progress. But when I went home the next day something didn't quite feel right. I couldn't put my finger on it. We went on a few more dates over the next couple of months, and even though I thought wanted her back, something was off. I was doing all kinds of things wrong, but she still wanted to see me, so I considered that a win. What I didn't realize at the time was the relationship wasn't worth saving. One day I sat down and asked myself what I really wanted in a girlfriend. I made a list that described her in every detail, and then I sat back and visualized what it would be like to be with a "perfect" woman like that. "Holy shit" I said to myself after a few minutes, as the reality of the situation smacked me across the face. I wasn't really interested in dating Gia. I wanted her back because I was scared of being alone. I missed her because I hadn't filled the space in my life where she had been. I didn't miss all the fights over next to nothing. I didn't miss all the crying for no reason at all. I didn't miss her yelling at me for stupid shit. When this realization dawned on me, I began to pull back from Gia. Apparently, she felt the same way. A few weeks after I had my moment of clarity, she told me she didn't think that we were going to work. I shrugged and moved on with my life. It hurt, but only to my ego. I was already dating another woman named Paige who I really liked, which helped. So what's the moral of the story here? She will miss you, and you definitely miss her right now. But I urge you to look deeper and ask the question "Why?" Why do you miss her? Do you miss having someone there? Or do you miss her because she was the "perfect girl for you"? If it's the second one, you need to read this. For you young guys under 35, I can assure you: she's not the perfect girl for you. You've got a lifetime to meet other women. She's one of many, I promise you. As your dating/relationship management skills improve, you'll end up meeting and dating women that will put your ex-girlfriend to shame. There's no rush to settle down. For you older guys who DO want to settle down, the same thing applies. Do you really want to settle down with a woman who has already shown she'll pull the rug out from under you when things go wrong? I wouldn't. Let Her Miss You. Focus On You! Right now, the last thing you need to be worried about is whether or not she is missing you. You know that her missing you is not enough to get her back. So what do you do instead? You stop focusing on what she's doing and how she's feeling and you start focusing on yourself. Here you are, so worried about how the woman who dumped you is feeling. But what about you? How are you feeling? If you really want her back, you need to stop worrying about how she's feeling. If she's not reaching out to you, how she is feeling is irrelevant. What matters instead is how you feel about yourself. Are you happy with the way your life is going? Are you happy with the women in it? The job you have? Your grades in school? Her missing you is not enough. If you want to get her back or get someone better, you need to BE BETTER. And that my friend, comes from work. If you need suggestions on where to begin, I suggest you start by reading my article on 8 ways you can start working on yourself right this second. Stop wondering. Start doing. Talk soon my friend, Coach Jack