It’s been a strange few months.
Somehow we’re only halfway through March and if you read the news headlines it seems like half the developed world is either shut down or weeks away from shutting down.
And somehow, the first thing we’re running out of is toilet paper?
You know what they say…
And of course, BuzzFeed is buzzing like flies to shit, as usual. And guess what they’re suggesting this time?
This monumental piece of journalism is suggesting you hop on Tinder and tell your new Coronavirus boo:
As always, top-quality editorial content.
But the aforementioned BuzzFeed article about dating during this time does raise several interesting questions – how does one handle dating or breaking up during the Coronavirus?
Should you contact your ex because the sky is falling? Is it worth showing up at her house to get down and dirty?
That’s what I’ll try to answer for you today, as we all get closer to a potential quarantine to try to stem the spread of the virus.
But let’s get the elephant out of the way first…
The Coronavirus Is Serious, No Doubt – But Don’t Let It Keep You Up At Night
Now here’s where things get interesting.
A lot of you guys have been telling me you have Coronavirus anxiety, which is the last thing you need if you’re stuck inside dealing with a breakup.
It’s already hard enough as it is, considering how long it can sometimes take to get over a breakup.
So here’s the score, if you’re worried about the Coronavirus, get that out of the way first because it’s easier to deal with.
One thing at a time, after all.
Using Logic Can Cut Your Anxiety In Half
Your willpower relies on your big, logical brain working properly.
To do that, you need to be aware of two things:
- That you’re getting anxious
- What’s the result of getting anxious?
For example – if you’re losing your shit because you’re genuinely afraid that COVID-19 will infect you if you wipe your ass with toilet paper, here’s what you do.
When you feel anxious, stop for a second.
Take a deep breath.
Ask yourself “Am I really going to get Coronavirus from this sweet two-ply if I wash my hands afterwards?”
Probably not, all things considered.
By pausing for a moment and giving your brain the chance to ask a question, you’re allowing it to come back online and think rationally.
The better you get at this, the easier it is to defeat anxious thoughts and the actions that come out of them.
You can use the same line of thinking if you get anxious about your ex-girlfriend as well.
It really fucking works.
Dating during an outbreak on another hand?
Not so much.
You Don’t Want To Be Actively Dating During The Coronavirus Outbreak, Even Though It Isn’t The End Of The World
Let me preface this by saying that if you’re single, the last thing you want to be doing right now is hitting the streets to try and sarge some new tail.
The mainstream media is, of course, writing about all the lonely singles now finding love thanks to the Coronavirus.
Because hey, nothing’s more romantic than giving your partner a virus that’s somewhere between 5-10x as deadly as the seasonal flu.
By no means am I an epidemiologist or virologist though, so take what I’m about to say with a grain of salt.
That said, the sky isn’t falling and more likely than not, you’re not going to die considering that the overall mortality rate is likely somewhere between .5% to 2%, according to the New England Journal Of Medicine.
The virus seems to disproportionally affect the old and those with pre-existing conditions as it can cause pneumonia.
And even worse, you can spread it without showing symptoms.
So don’t be one of those selfish fucks who doesn’t take this seriously and ends up infecting others.
Whether or not you’re under quarantine, do me a favor and read these common-sense tips with how you should handle the coronavirus.
That said, the potential of spreading the virus isn’t the only reason you should put dating on hold.
In fact, there are two better reasons why you should consider waiting until after the outbreak ends.
1: There’s No Better Time To Catch Up On Things
Your social calendar is going to be pretty empty for at least a few weeks to perhaps even a few months.
Take advantage of it.
Ultimately you have a choice. You can look at the next few months as a disaster, or you can look at them as an opportunity.
While everyone else is losing their shit, or carrying on business as usual, you can double down on attacking all the shit that’s slipped between the cracks.
Whether that’s getting your taxes done or taking the time to learn a new skill, there’s literally no better time.
Make a coronavirus to-do list.
Include all the little things you’ve been procrastinating on, as well as to-do items for your big goals.
Then, invest your newfound time into getting everything checked off!
Plus, staying busy will help you fight the anxiety you feel if you’re stuck indoors.
Think of this as an opportunity to get your routine straightened out and then get ahead of everyone else.
With a few weeks of focused work, you’ll be able to take a deep breath and know that you’ve knocked out a bunch of shit that you would have had to otherwise sit down and plan to do.
This will be especially helpful because…
2: Once Things Calm Down More People Than Ever Will Be Out And About
Right now we’re already seeing mounting public pressure in response to the disruption of daily life.
Of course, the pressure is going to build as the spread of COVID-19 progresses and more people end up stuck inside.
Especially with the quarantine we have going on in the US, UK, and the rest of the developed world.
But once this is all over, a lot of people are going to have some steam to burn off.
I bet you can guess where this is going.
More people out = more opportunities than ever for you to meet new women considering how much cabin fever everyone’s going to have.
So there’s no reason to rush.
What About If You’re Dealing With A Breakup During The Coronavirus?
But that said, what you should be doing really doesn’t change that much.
You want to stick to a long-term, proven plan.
The standard advice still applies whether you’re in quarantine or not – but with a few caveats.
- Go no-contact immediately.
- Remove her from your social media accounts.
- Begin treating your Ex-Girlfriend Addiction.
- Start working on yourself while you’re in no-contact.
However – now you may have to self isolate because of the Coronavirus.
And as you probably know, staying inside is one of the worst things you can do when you’re suffering from a breakup because you’ll be much more apt to get lost in the sauce and overthink things.
And unfortunately, dating new women is out right now.
So the key then, is to relax your mind and keep your mood up.
The good news is that I have several science-backed recommendations you can follow to combat overwhelm.
1: Write In Your Journal
The mindfulness you feel from journaling is very similar to the two-step approach we discussed earlier to combat Coronavirus anxiety. Journaling has numerous powerful benefits that you can take advantage of if you’re stuck somewhere. You might not be able to journey outside – but you can journey inside and enjoy the power you feel.
2: Get Lots of Light (If Possible)
There’s a strong link between light exposure and increased mood. Try to get outside several times a day, even if you’re just sitting on your deck like I am right now. Don’t just do it all at once. Try to get outside 3-4 times a day if you can swing it for 20-30 minutes at a time. The idea is to distribute the positive effects over the course of the day.
3: Excercise With Bodyweight Movements
I don’t think I need to speak too much about why this is important. Read this article about why I recommend exercise as a breakup treatment for every guy. If you need a routine, T-Nation has got you covered.
While some guys might like doing it all at once with less rest, I like to spread my workout over the course of the day if I’m stuck at home.
For instance, I might train back to failure with pullups and levers in the morning, and then do chest and tries to failure in the afternoon with pushup variations.
I can’t say that there’s any science behind it, but it makes me feel good. Your mileage may vary.
4: Watch/Listen To Something Funny
Laughter has been shown to help reduce discomfort. While you shouldn’t spend your entire quarantine on Netflix, it definitely won’t hurt if you fire up The Office.
If you’re more into the comedic route, bless your ears with the Black Phillips Show with Patrice O’Neal.
You’ll laugh your ass off, plus you’ll get a heaping helping of the game and real talk. Just make sure you keep your wits about yourself. Patrice is a hell of a personality and you shouldn’t take everything he says to heart.
But seriously, if you have the time listen to Patrice, listen to him. You’ll thank me for it.
RIP.
5: Keep Your Sleep Schedule Consistent
I don’t think I need to go too into detail about how important sleep is.
Depression and sleep deprivation go hand in hand after all, with over 90% of depressed individuals reporting poor sleep quality in one study.
When you’re stuck inside all the time, it can be tempting to stay up late and get up late, or to go to bed early one night and late another.
I’m not here to tell you to go to bed early.
Far from it.
What matters though, is that your sleep cycle stays consistent!
Consistent sleep helps prevent negative acute and chronic health conditions, but that alone doesn’t tell you the full story.
Keeping a routine is one of the most important things you can do for your mental health, especially if you’re in quarantine.
Sleep is the basis of any good routine as is going to bed at a set time and then waking up at a set time.
It’s when you laze around the bedroom for an hour on each side that you begin to feel like shit because you’re wasting your time.
Plus, if you don’t know what time you’re getting up, how are you supposed to plan your day?
You don’t need to do anything complicated either.
If you go to bed at 10 and get up at 5, stick to that!
I know how easy it is for your routines to drift when you’re at home, but this is one of those you want to try to hit 9/10.
Because you’ll really need to…
6: Stick To A Routine (It Doesn’t Need To Be Fancy)
The way things are going it looks like there are going to be some unheard of disruptions to our way of life in the near future.
Your schedule is about to look a lot different.
Maybe now you’re working from home, and if you’ve got kids they’re home from school.
It probably feels pretty fucking weird, right?
It definitely does for me.
If you feel like your whole world is tilting upside down, one of the best ways to right the ship is to find some consistency in your life.
How you end up designing that routine is up to you (even though I certainly have a few suggestions here).
Try to create a routine that supports your goals and aspirations. It’ll keep you from going batshit insane while everyone else is losing their mind.
7: Find A Way To Relax Your Body & Mind
Your body’s condition mirrors your mind’s condition. When you’re under stress mentally, you feel it physically.
And as a result of that stress, your body tightens up which stops you from relaxing.
And all things considered, you could probably use some relaxation right now, couldn’t you?
Normally, I recommend getting a massage weekly to bi-weekly if you can afford it.
But probably not the best idea to go outside right now.
But I have a solution.
Get a massage chair.
I’ve had one of them in one form or another since I was 20, and my god does it make a huge difference in how you feel.
Imagine just letting go of all of your stress at once and enjoying total peace and harmony. That’s how good it is.
The massage chair I have is great, and I 10/10 recommend it. You could also look at getting a seat cover like this one (which I have for my car) if you don’t have the space.
If you’ve got the money, do it. It makes such a difference.
Now, let’s get into a few specific questions I’ve been asked.
Should I Break No-Contact?
No.
If you want to get her back (or just get over her in general) you shouldn’t break no-contact for any reason.
If you want her back, her coming back needs to be her idea! Let her chase you!
If you don’t, and just want to get over her, no-contact will dramatically reduce the time it takes to get her back.
Just because the Coronavirus is here doesn’t mean that’s going to change.
Stick to the long-term plan, and you will get her back or get over her!
What If She Reaches Out?
Here’s a tough one.
As you know, I recommend avoiding idle chit-chat over the phone if you’re trying to get her back.
It’s better to invite her over to your place for a date, after all. More romantic.
However, if you’re locked down that’s not the best idea.
If she reaches out you should tell her:
“Hey, it’s great to hear from you. I’d really like to see you once all of this blows over, but right now I’m hunkering down and working on some things. Once this all blows over, let’s get together”
After you send the message, back off.
If she’s really interested, she’ll contact you after the Coronavirus dies off.
Recap
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m actually looking forward to spending some time inside.
It’s a chance to refocus on my goals and double down on doing the work to crush them.
…it’s also a chance to shamelessly replay the Witcher trilogy as well, so I’m not complaining.
That said, you guys should be doing the same thing, with adjustments for your individual tastes.
Dial back your dating. Refocus on your goals. Get your routine the way you want it, and by all means, have a little fun along the way.
Don’t break no contact. Don’t have her over.
It’s really that simple. Consider this your comprehensive guide to dating and breakups during the Coronavirus.
Remember, this will blow over eventually.
When it does, do you want to be the same as you are now? Or do you want to be better positioned to enjoy long term happiness going forward?
I know which I’ll be going with!
Talk soon my friend,
Coach Jack