There’s no question in my mind: staying off social media will shave weeks, if not months off the 2.38 years on average it takes to get over a breakup.
Staying away from social media stops you from seeing whatever your ex is doing, and allows you to focus on your own healing, as you should be.
Plus, if you’re really addicted like I was, you’ll add hours to your day.
There was a point in my life back in 2016 where I would obsessively refresh my feeds waiting for a post, a sign, or anything at all.
I would do it in class. At the gym. Before bed.
It got to the point where I would feel the urge to pick my phone up every few minutes, just to see what was happening.
Luckily, it wasn’t very long until I got a rude, but much needed awakening.
You can probably guess what I was looking for.
I wanted to see something from my ex-girlfriend. It was particularly bad with Snapchat and Instagram stories.
I’m willing to bet if you’re reading this, you’ve been through something similar.
Personally, I hate that social media has become borderline essential, but in this adapt or die world, we adapt.
Anyway, today if you want to adopt, adapt this.
During no contact, stay away from social media. Just drop it. Cold turkey.
During No Contact Don’t Waste Time With Social Media
If you plan on using the no contact rule correctly, social media should be one of the first things to go.
For those of you who don’t remember a life before social media, this probably seems fucking crazy. Even for some of you older guys I can see it being a problem.
Social media is an addiction, and no contact is your detox.
As soon as you’ve gone no-contact with your ex-girlfriend, here’s how you cut out social media the right way:
- Start with your phone. Go in to each app and delete any messages you two have. It might seem extreme, but it can be tempting to go back and read those messages, which I’ll talk about later one.
- Delete every social media app (Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, WhatsApp) and then log yourself off any you have saved in Chrome or Safari.
- Repeat the same process with your computer.
- Recommended: Block your ex and her friends and family.
- Optional: Install a web filter and block social media access.
- Spend at least a month without social media, although longer is absolutely recommended. I personally like taking a 2-3 month hiatus.
I’ve found that taking a 2-3 month hiatus from social media during no contact to have tons of tangible benefits, the greatest of which is keeping you from seeing the shit your ex-girlfriend is probably posting.
But it’s not just that.
Why The No Contact Rule Includes Social Media
Social Media doesn’t make you happy.
Science has proven it. Social media makes you feel more lonely, and more depressed.
Neither does seeing your ex-girlfriend’s face after a breakup.
Guess where both show up?
On social media.
And there’s no question about it, the no contact rule means no contact, of any kind. That includes seeing her throw up random sunsets that no one really cares about.
Your job is to completely ignore her and give yourself the space you need to heal.
Part of this is psychological. Your brain is addicted to your ex-girlfriend, and the only way to stop an addiction is to cut it off.
Giving yourself the emotional space where you’re not constantly seeing her will help you express your feelings and come to terms with the end of your relationship.
Just like killing the hydra, with the no contact rule you’ve gotta chop the heads off one at a time.
The other piece is for improving your confidence. When I stopped using social media for the first time, I had no idea that I was unconsciously comparing myself to others on my feed.
My life at the time was pretty good. I had good grades, was in great shape, and I had a solid network of friends. I had also started using nofap after the breakup for the first time, and was riding a high.
But whenever I looked at Facebook or Instagram I felt unhappy.
It wasn’t until I decided to cut social media in an effort to avoid seeing my ex girlfriend that I realized how negative of an impact it had on me.
Since then, I’ve come to realize the importance of not being inundated with what other people are doing. It distracts you from your main mission, especially after a breakup.
It distracts you from success, and part of success is achievement.
Ironically enough, I enjoy taking a page from those #hustle people you see flexing on Instagram a lot, who are always talking about ignore all their #haters.
What they really mean is blocking out all the noise, and they’re right.
You only need to hear one voice after a breakup.
It’s not your ex-girlfriend’s.
During No Contact Block Your Ex On Social Media
Blocking your ex girlfriend on social media will help when you inevitably slip up and check social media during your no contact phase.
Because you will slip up during no contact and check at some point when you’re sitting in a quiet room, with nothing else to do.
The addiction is really that powerful.
The best part is if you finally cut back after a few weeks of creeping, Facebook and Instagram will be so kind as to show you your ex’s shit right away, because it predicts that’s what you want to see.
And then you’re suddenly plastered with an image of her new boyfriend in your face, which starts you imagining what she might be up to.
That’ll set you back a little bit.
You have to plan for these moments of weakness.
As Jocko Willink says: “Don’t expect to be motivated every day to get out there and make things happen. You won’t be. Don’t count on motivation. Count on discipline.”
Before you really start working through no-contact, clean out your social media. Block your ex-girlfriend, and delete any messages she may have sent you.
Be disciplined now, because your motivation in a few weeks won’t be as strong.
I would do the same for her best friends as well as her family. Part of removing her from your life means removing the things that remind you of her, and in my experience, her family will always remind you of her.
Once you’ve cut them off, it’s time to cut yourself off as well.
During No Contact Don’t Post on Social Media. Focus On Living and Enjoying Your Life.
If you’re planning on using social media as part of a strategy to get her back, don’t.
Whatever you’re trying to tell her she’ll probably misunderstand, or just completely ignore.
If you want her back, the best thing you can do is to let her wonder about you. If you vanish from her life correctly, including cutting off social media, she’ll wonder where you went or what happened to you.
If you do, there’s a good chance she’ll eventually reach out. When she does, you’ll be a complete mystery to her. If you’ve worked on yourself, you’ll have a much improved chance of getting her back, if that’s what you’re looking for.
Focus On Having In Person Experiences
One of the underrated benefits of quitting social media is it forces you to be more present in your life.
When you’re feeling like shit during the early stages of no contact, one of the best ways to feel better is to focus on what’s happening right in front of you, and don’t let your mind wander outside of that.
Talk to people around you. Take the time to look at things closely, whether it’s a blade of grass, a leaf, or a deer.
Do it right and you’ll find yourself more at ease. It won’t stop the pain, but it will help a lot.
Being present puts you in a peaceful and relaxed state, which makes it easier to stomach what you’re feeling.
Why The No Contact Rule Combined With No Social Media Is A Gamechanger
Now here’s where it really gets interesting.
If you type into Google “social media addiction” the first organic search result that pops up is for an addiction treatment center.
To me, that’s sobering.
That means Google thinks we have a social media addiction, because it thinks the most relevant result to us is a somewhere that we might treat ourselves.
Now there’s no reliable statistics on how many people have the disease, but we all know someone who can’t put down their damn phone.
You know, the homie that’s always the first to tag you in Barstool’s newest post, minutes after it comes out.
Speaking of which…
What we do have numbers for is screentime.
And they aren’t pretty. It’s around 2 hours a day spent in the US, and a little bit less for England at around 1:50.
That’s fucking staggering, and if you want to get over your breakup faster, you need to put those two hours to use.
As I’ve talked about in my master guide to no contact, setting goals for yourself is the way to get yourself out of the post breakup funk.
This extra time, in my opinion, is the most powerful benefit of skipping on social media during no contact. In my case, quitting social media helped me to find a great internship that launched my career in digital marketing.
The main benefit was I finished blocks of work much quicker because I wasn’t constantly refreshing social media. Over the course of the day, the time began to add up fast.
I got into the best shape I’d ever been in, while still having time to go on dates with new women.
All of this from quitting social media.
There’s No Pressure When You’re Not Actively Involved With Everyone
Taking a step back with social media is going to allow you to do what you really need to do.
It gives you space from your ex, and then gives you the time you need to become a better man while you’re focused on no contact.
It also deprives your ex of information, which makes you look more attractive if she decides to come back in the future.
But most of all, it gives you the time to help restore your confidence.
Honestly, once you give up social media for no contact, you’ll probably never spend as much time on it again.
Then you won’t have to worry about some AB style bullshit, or those fucking addiction treatment centers.