The first time I had my heart broken, the first person who I felt understood what I was going through wasn’t my family, my friends, or my therapist.
It was Kayne West.
It was a few weeks after the breakup, and I had given up on sleep after spending several fitful hours wrestling with my racing thoughts. Out of habit, I looked at my phone to see if she had texted me.
“Fuck” I huffed to myself in frusturation.
Since sleep wasn’t an option and no one was awake, I opened my bedroom window and set my phone to play a random song.
You know how after the breakup certain songs feel different, and suddenly you really hear the meaning for the first time after listening to the song many times before? Until that moment I didn’t.
Then, Kayne said this:
I must have listened to this bit at least a dozen times.
How Had Kanye West Perfectly Illustrated The Painful Irony I Now Faced?
Hours earlier, I was at a birthday party surrounded by friends and family. These were people I knew and loved, and almost all of them knew that I had just broken up with my girlfriend. Some tried to offer awkward support or words of encouragement, and the rest were kind to me. Yet I felt more lonely than ever.
I tried to distract myself from the pangs of loneliness by throwing myself into conversation. Everyone told me I needed to “get back out there” and “be more social”. So I slapped on a fake smile and I tried. But no matter how much I talked or listened, it felt like I was going through the motions because no one really understood what I was going through.
So as the crowd enjoyed the day, I was lost in my thoughts.
- Was I the only person who had ever suffered so badly after getting dumped?
- Why didn’t she tell me something was going wrong?
- Was something wrong with me because I wanted another chance with her?
- Was I a simp for not being able to “move on already” as everyone had suggested?
- How could I get her back? How could I show her I’d changed?
Thinking of it all just made me tired.
Plus, there are only so many times you can handle being told to “get over it” even if it’s said kindly. After a certain point, I gave up on talking about my situation because my friends and family didn’t understand. I stopped reaching out for advice, or looking to connect about my breakup. Instead of opening up and being accepted, I kept my thoughts and feelings to myself.
And the truth is…
Withdrawing is the last thing you should be doing if you really want a second chance with your ex-girlfriend. Talking about your feelings with someone who is safe is critical to healing, learning, and growth. Bottling up your feelings does not work. It only leads to racing thoughts, sleepless nights, and believing Kayne West understands your problems.
Was I going crazy? It sure felt like it.
Sound Familiar? Don’t Worry, I’ve Got Some Good News
Even though you feel like you are going crazy, I promise you that you are quite sane. Racing thoughts, not being able to sleep, intense loneliness, sadness, and even anger are all normal parts of losing a treasured relationship.
It’s normal to feel all of these things and want her back, even if:
- You were the one who ended the relationship
- She left you for another man
- Your relationship was “unconventional” such as an affair, coworkers, older man dating a younger woman, extremely short timeframe, open, etc
- She treated you poorly during/after the relationship
- The relationship was toxic
And even though your friends and family may not seem to understand, I promise you that every man who has ever loved has experienced what you are going through right now. This experience is universal, because it relies on machinery we’ve all inherited from millions of years of evolution. So even though you feel alone right now, I promise that you are not the only one that has gone through this, or will go through it.
Unfortunately, this universal machinery has some seriously negative implications if you want your ex-girlfriend back.
Now For The Bad News
The racing thoughts, the inability to sleep, the constant suffering and the unbelievable motivation to do anything to get her back all have a common cause. It’s not because you are a simp, or have some innate character flaw. It’s because you are evolutionarily wired to miss her.
When a close romantic relationship ends, your brain undergoes numerous complex neurochemical reactions that you have no control over. These reactions evolved over millions of years and focus all of your attention on your beloved, and motivate you to take action to get back together with her.
To greatly simplify the science: this process is automatic and runs deeper and far more powerful than your logical brain.
It’s why you begged without even considering your self-respect. It’s the reason you can logically know that you should stick to no contact, but emotionally feel unable to. It’s why you automatically feel jealous when you even assume she’s doing better than you.
And unfortunately, as I’ve talked about before, this process is a lot like an addiction. It’s why you can’t seem to get enough of your ex-girlfriend even though thinking about her, talking to her, and even looking at her on social media is painful. It’s why all of your thoughts are focused on her.
99% of the people around you are unaware of how powerful this biological wiring is, because they aren’t under the influence of it. It’s why they can’t support you in the way you need to be supported right now. It’s why it’s so easy for them to tell you to just “move on”.
So not only are you unsupported (when you really need to be) and addicted to your ex-girlfriend but you are also predisposed to be irrational.
Your biological wiring often compels you to do some less-than-ideal things if you want a second chance.
The Many Mistakes Men Make
Just because you’re not crazy doesn’t mean you’re not capable of making some mistakes that could seriously damage your chances of getting her back. Some of the many mistakes my clients regularly make include:
- Begging for a second chance;
- Blowing up her phone;
- Pushing for a date when you know she’s not interested;
- Angrily venting your frustrations or petty jealousies to her;
- Telling her how miserable you are without her;
- Showing up at her house or place of work;
- Leaning on her friends and family to “change her mind”;
- Throwing shade at her on social media;
- Sending love letters or “romantic” gifts;
If you’ve made any (or all) of these mistakes, don’t beat yourself up. What’s done is done. All you can do is be mindful about what you do going forward. I’ve worked with clients who have made all these mistakes (and more) and still have gotten a second chance.
But perhaps the biggest mistake of all is overestimating the chances of getting her back, and then spending months of your life chasing after a woman who’s already gone.
Because of your biological wiring, you’re much more likely to overestimate your chances of getting her back. Paradoxically, your friends and family are likely to underestimate the chances of getting her back.
So how the hell are you supposed to get unbiased support from someone that really understands what you are going through and can help you navigate the many difficult questions you have right now with empathy, a plan, and just enough bad humor to keep you going?
You hire me as your coach.
I’m Coach Jack
Since founding Men’s Breakup in 2017, I have personally coached over 1,100+ different men from 13+ countries on better adapting to their newly single lives with evidence-backed tools and training. I’ve been the trusted breakup coach for everyone from CEOs to middle managers, nobodies to celebrities, doctors, laborers, to everyone in between.
Compare that to your family and friends who have experienced at most, 1 or 2 bad breakups in their life, and your therapist who, though helpful, likely does not have a coaching background.
My clients trust me because I offer a unique, non-judgemental perspective that comes from years of research, and thousands of hours of “on-the-ground” experience, married into a system that combines the latest in psychology, dating success fundamentals, and the latest tried-and-true tactics that come from the world’s best counselors and therapists.
And unlike your friends and family, you can open up to me about what you’re really feeling without any fear of judgement. I understand how sensitive these matters can be. Your privacy is 100% guaranteed, and everything we talk about is 100% confidential. I
And I want to offer you the chance to draw on my vast expertise to help ease the pain you’re feeling right now, and to put to rest several of the difficult questions you’ve likely been struggling with.
I Want To Help You
Over 60% of my clients come to me while struggling with 3 big questions:
- What happened?
- Can I get her back (and if I can, is even worth it?)
- What do I need to do to get her back / what do I need to do to move on?
In my experience, just being able to answer these questions makes a massive difference in your day-to-day level of clarity, happiness, and functioning.
|The Question||When You’re Unaware||When You’re Aware|
|What happened?||You often feel personally rejected and not good enough. You find yourself second-guessing everything you did in the relationship. Constantly asking “why?” and feeling confused, and even angry that she treated you so poorly. Only allows for fear and self-doubt.||You’re able to forgive yourself for any mistakes you made, and forgive her for her shortcomings. Helps you see the relationship with a balanced perspective and lessens pain and confusion. Allows for growth, and forward progress on your path. Provides closure in many cases.|
|Can I get her back?||You often feel afraid that one small mistake, one little screwup will push her away. During no-contact you feel hopeless like she doesn’t love you, or will never want anything to do with you again.||Instead of potentially prolonging the pain, you choose to feel it all upfront if the relationship is lost, or gain the calm certainty that comes with knowing that your relationship still has a chance.|
|What do I need to do to get her back?||You operate from a place of fear, where you give into your automatic reactions and feel like you are at the mercy of your emotions. You are never sure if what you are doing is actually helping, or hurting your chances.||You’re able to take a deep breath, and know that no matter what happens, you are moving in the right direction. You know that your actions are rooted in the science-backed principles I teach so you can rest assured that they work, instead of worrying about everything you do.|
I want to help you answer all 3 of these questions right now in one fell swoop so you can stop feeling sorry for yourself, and kickstart your journey to the best version of you. The happiest version of you, whether that’s after rebuilding your relationship with your ex-girlfriend or after learning to love the newly single gentleman you are.
Yes – it’s very possible I’m going to have to slap some sense into you along the way. That’s part of my job sometimes. To shake you hard enough that you return to reality and start thinking clearly again.
But that might be just what you need to set the record straight.
This is the most affordable way to work with me 1 on 1, to leverage my years of expertise and deep knowledge of breakups and relationships to give you much-needed clarity on your situation and a fresh perspective – that could be the difference between you spinning your wheels for months chasing a woman that’s already moved on, or getting back a woman you’re ready to let go who still wants you.
So please, for your sake, let me help you, just like I helped these guys.
You’re Only 1 Step Away From Getting Potentially Lifechanging Perspective
I’m Offering This Service At An Unheard Of Value For Only $97
This is by far the most affordable way to get direct access to me. My other 1-on-1 coaching programs run anywhere from $897-$3,497 per person and only enroll 3 men at a time.
So why am I offering you this unheard-of value at only $97?
There are 3 reasons:
- So that eventually, you’ll buy my books, courses, and coaching services to help you build your new life.
- To deliver you kickass results right now so you’ll want to do Reason 1 as soon as possible.
- The more I learn about your unique needs, the better I can help you with my free materials.
Does that sound like a fair trade?
If so…here’s how it works
1: Make Your Payment Of $97 Down Below
The text “Your Email coaching payment has been processed” will display once payment is received. Once you’ve done that, then…
2: Within 5 Minutes, You’ll Get My Relationship Assessment Worksheet
This worksheet will be delivered to the billing email address linked to your payment.
My Relationship Assessment framework is an evidence-backed framework I’ve developed over the last 2 years to help me evaluate you, your ex-girlfriend, and your relationship.
It will help you provide a coherent, consistent, and clear storyline for me to follow to help you best assess your breakup.
Even better, my Relationship Assessment framework is designed to get you to tell your story in a way that many of my clients say is “incredibly helpful and quite cathartic since I can’t talk about this stuff with anyone else”.
Once you have received the worksheet, please complete it. Depending on how much detail you choose to include (more is better) it can take anywhere from 20-30 minutes to complete. Once you have finished it, please reply to the email with your answers.
If you have not received the email with instructions to start our session within 5 minutes, please check your promotions or spam folder.
3: Your Plan Will Be Delivered Within 48 Hours
Once I have received your answers, I will either do 1 of 2 things.
If I have questions or need more information to give you my perspective, I’ll reach out for more information via email.
Otherwise, I will go ahead and answer the 3 critical questions.
- What happened?
- Can I get her back?
- What do I need to do to get her back, or move on?
My responses are delivered in a handy PDF that’s easy to keep on your phone or tablet for reference within 2 business days (48 hours).
My normal business days are 9:00 AM – 5:00 PM EST.
Please understand that I am always booked out two days in advance due to the popularity of this service. The last time I opened it I had to close it because of the massive demand. Please be patient!
Do you offer refunds?
You’re damn right I do. You get my gentleman’s handshake guarantee with anything you buy on Men’s Breakup. For up to 60 days, you can get a refund with no questions asked. Just email me and let me know why.
How many emails is this?
This is for 1 response email with a step-by-step list of actions to take or if requested, a thoughtful response to your question.
If I have to ask you a question, that doesn’t count towards your total.
Once I have given you your steps, you will need to pay for another session if you wish to ask another question.
Please understand that I’m actually losing money by offering this service at only $97 – you are getting a better deal than I am.
Are there any questions you won’t answer?
Yes. I am not a therapist, and if I think you need serious help, I will happily refund your purchase price and refer you to one of the qualified therapists I work with. You can come back and work with me afterward 🙂
Do you help women?
I do not. Men’s Breakup is intended for men. If you are a woman seeking advice, I can point you towards someone who will do a better job of helping you than I.