Today, I’m just going to give you the answer, and I’m going to give it to you quickly.
She’s either not over you and/or wants you back, or she was looking to keep you as a backup while she was doing her own reconnaissance on the dating market.
It’s that simple.
But you probably figured that, right?
Here’s the dirty truth: relationships don’t go away overnight. It doesn’t matter how bad the relationship, or how nasty the breakup. There are some reflexes that just don’t go away no matter what, and jealousy is one of those, especially with women. It doesn’t matter if she cheated. It doesn’t matter if you broke up with her.
Especially if she broke up with you, you would think that she’d be on to the next and not worried about what you’re doing, but the truth is often the opposite.
Why Jealousy From Your Ex Girlfriend Is Completely Normal
It takes a long time to truly forget someone. I’ve written before about how it takes the average guy around 2.38 years to get over a serious relationship. In all liklihood, it takes women less time than this because women have better support systems than we do.
I’ve talked about how you guys can get over jealousy, but I haven’t talked about how women handle jealously.
In short, they treat it a lot differently then men do.
While men feel jealous sexually, women are more apt to experience emotional jealousy – the kind that’s sparked by relationships.
After a breakup your ex is more likely to get upset by the idea that you might fall in love with someone else.
At least subconsciously, your ex fears you becoming emotionally involved with someone else because it means less of your attention will be focused on her.
If you think about it from an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense. In the past, if a woman let her man become involved with someone else, less of his attention would be focused on providing for her and her children.
Because her post breakup jealousy is directly tied to the same hormones that urge her to get pregnant, the further past prime child bearing age she is, the less likely she is to be emotionally jealous.
The More Attractive Your New Girl Is, The More Jealous Your Ex Will Be
Women are always sizing up the competition.
You can see this in practice anywhere you go, especially in younger women. Pick a woman that’s at least average looking and watch her eyes while she walks by another woman. A lot of times, you’ll be able to literally watch as she looks the other woman over head to toe.
What normally happens, is she’ll start with the shoes and then quickly pull her gaze back up to the other woman’s face. Of course, she’ll try to be as discreet as possible, but it’s very obvious if you know what to look for.
Women are so used to doing this that it barely even registers when another woman does it to them.
The takeaway from this is that a woman is always looking around to see how she measures up, because someone being more physically attractive than her makes her jealous.
It’s also no coincidence that the hotter your new girl is, the less you’ll be thinking about your ex. She knows this fact subconsciously, which is exactly why the hotter your new girl is, the more jealous she’ll be.
Again, this goes back to evolutionary psychology. You both know people with better genes tend to be more attractive
So if you knock it out of the park and are getting cozy with a major upgrade in terms of looks, be prepared for your ex-girlfriend to be seething with jealousy, even if she claims otherwise.
Just make sure you aren’t taking things too fast with your new girl.
The More Attracted To You She Is, The More Jealous She’ll Be
The other side of the equation is how she feels about you.
It probably won’t surprise you to know that she’ll be more jealous of you dating if she’s still really attracted to you.
But when I say that, I know a lot of people assume I mean physically. I do, and physical attraction is definitely part of it.
Her attraction to you is more comprehensive than just your looks. It encompasses the whole of you: your looks, your frame of mind, your presence as a man, how she feels about you, and the history you two have. Finally, she adds that to how she feels about herself.
If she’s not attracted to you, she won’t be jealous. Emotional jealousy for her always comes coupled with attraction.
And of course, a strong attraction to you will cause her to put herself in your orbit – often using jealously to get you to notice her.
Strong attraction is a powerful motivator. It overrules all of her other emotional signals. It’ll bring a woman back to a man without exception.
Have you ever seen a relationship where the man treats the woman like shit and she happily takes it, and comes running back for more? He could lie, cheat, or steal, and she’d happily take him back.
To most guys, this makes no sense. But once you understand attraction a little better, it makes perfect sense.
She keeps coming back because she’s extremely attracted to him, and probably doesn’t have a very high opinion of herself. This attraction is like having blinders on, and causes her to ignore everything else except for her focused attraction.
Now think about the situation from her perspective. She’s extremely attracted to you, and she sees you with another woman. Her jealously is going to flare because she values you so highly because of her strong attraction.
It makes sense that you’d assume she wouldn’t be jealous if she was the one to end the relationship, but you’d be wrong. Women end relationships with men they’re attracted to all the time.
So even if she ended it, if she explodes with jealousy upon seeing you with a new woman, it might be over for you, but it’s not over for her just yet. More on that in a minute.
The Less She Knows, The More She’ll Assume
Our reptile brains aren’t very good at wrapping our heads around things we can’t understand.
If we don’t know something, our brain has to do one of two things. Either it has to investigate what’s really happening, or it can assume. Assuming is a lot easier, and our brains do it a lot.
And much like legitimate patterns that we can apply to new experiences, our assumptions are used to understand new things all the time.
Even worse, our assumptions are colored by our experiences in life. Your ex-girlfriend is no different. The less she knows about what’s going on between you and the other girl, the more she’s going to assume about your relationship to said girl, and her relationship to you.
What her assumptions are depends on how she grew it. For instance, if she grew up in a home where cheating was normal, she might just assume you’re only with your new girl for a little bit, and will eventually come back.
Compare this with a girl who’s a bit more sheltered, and hasn’t seen a divorce, or gone through a breakup yet. She’ll have been influenced by cultural factors as opposed to experiential ones. Her experience with breakups would be limited to stories heard and seen on the TV/internet.
It would be easy to see a girl like that being crushed to see you with another girl, assuming that meant you were in love with her.
But that might not mean she wants you back.
Does My Ex Being Jealous Means She Wants Me Back?
If you’re like most guys, the realization that your ex is jealous of you might lead you to think she wants you back.
And at least in part it’s true, her being jealous can be a sign she wants you back. If she’s very jealous, she’s likely very attracted to you and wants you back, at least subconsciously.
But on it’s own, her being jealous shouldn’t have you making assumptions. When your ex girlfriend sees you with someone else, she’s not going to have all the details. Considering that you should be using no-contact to get over her, she probably won’t have access to you either.
As we know, the less she knows, the more she’ll assume. It’s possible she’s just working herself up into an emotional frenzy and it means nothing at all.
If she’s only jealous for a short period of time, less than a week or so, then chances are it’s just her getting worked up.
But if it’s longer, and more sustained jealousy, it’s more likely she wants you back.
How Do I Know If My Ex Girlfriend Is Jealous?
1: You Get The Sense She’s Trying To See What You’re Up To
We’re all curious by nature, and your ex-girlfriend is no different. She might see you out with your new girl and then you later (but not too much later) find out she was asking your mutual friends about what was going on with you.
Your ex is curious because on some level she’s interested. If you notice she only starts asking around after she sees you dating someone else, you can rest assured she’s jealous, and she wants you to know.
She had no problem asking your mutual friends because she knew word would get back to you.
Looking at it another way, she wants you to notice her, which is a hallmark of jealousy.
But, you might see her trying to get your attention in other more subtle ways.
For example, your ex-girlfriend might like a picture of you with your new girl in it on Instagram. On the surface you might think it’s her stamp of approval. But if the wound is still fresh, her like is her reminding you not to forget about her.
2: She’ll Reach Out To You
If your ex-girlfriend suddenly reaches out after seeing you with someone new, it’s a great sign that she’s jealous.
Her reaching out can serve as a reminder that she exists and deserves your attention, and can provide a chance for her to talk down to you about who you’re dating after you broke up.
She might reach out to you to and say negative things about your new someone. Usually it’ll be passive aggressive, but if it gets nasty, there’s very little question she’s jealous.
If you’ve decided to break no contact and suddenly your ex girlfriend starts being nasty, you should immediately cut contact and go back to no-contact in order to avoid drama.
3: She’ll May Try To Sabotage Your New Relationship
I think we can all agree that this one is a no-brainer.
Most women don’t do petty shit like this, but the ones that do, it doesn’t matter how they do it. Whether it’s rumors, harassment on Facebook, or more insane schemes like dating your best friend, if she’s actively trying to end your relationship, she feels it’s in her best interest.
If she feels it’s in her best interest, she’s either crazy, or extremely jealous. Either way, tread carefully.
Especially if she’s Latina. She’ll smoke you faster than a rack of ribs.
4: She’ll Act Highly Erratic
Sorry to pick on Latina ladies, but this is common to them (and all women) as well.
If your ex-girlfriend is suddenly acting more emotional after she sees you dating someone else, it’s possible she’s jealous. What you’re looking for is a pattern of ups and downs. Jealous women will go through phases where they’re angry at you, and then others when they feel sad and vulnerable.
Your ex-girlfriend could be experiencing this. One day she might be angry at you for “no reason” and another she’ll be wrecked, sending you snapchats of her crying. If this starts happening after you start dating someone else, it’s very likely her jealousy kicking in.
What To Do About Your Ex’s Jealousy
As I mentioned before, your ex is only jealous because she’s not over you yet, or she’s either directly or indirectly looking to keep you as a backup while she tests the dating waters.
It’s understandable if you’re confused about what to do. In the end, your choice is going to come down to what you really want.
Do you really want her back?
Or is it better for you to move on, and start something with someone new?
For the record, starting something new is always better than trying to patch up something broken.
Now you might not feel the same way, and I can understand that.
If you decide that you want to go your own way, the best way to deal with a jealous ex is to cut contact completely. Just ignore her, and move on with your life. Date other women as you please, and enjoy it.
You’ll make her more jealous, but not much else. If you’re not engaging, she’ll eventually lose interest.
On the other hand, if you think you want another chance, a little bit of jealousy isn’t a bad thing. Don’t split with your new girl just yet.
You’ll just need a slightly different approach.