Your ex-girlfriend agreeing to meet up with you is a great sign if you are looking to get her back.
Today I’m going to give you the keys to getting your ex-girlfriend back. This method will work whether you are meeting up after a breakup. It will work if you are meeting up after a week. Hell, it will even work if you are meeting up with her a year later.
If you do into your meetup with this proven gameplan in place, your chances of ensuring a favorable outcome will skyrocket.
Thousands of guys from across the world have been successful by following the principles I describe below.
If you want to be one of them, I suggest you pay attention. Only reading half the article will give you half-assed results.
You don’t want that, now do you?
Before we get going, you need to understand an important concept.
It’s called outcome independence. If you don’t have it, it becomes far more likely that you’re going to screw something up during the meetup. So go click that link, and read my article about the concept.
If you don’t have enough time to build outcome independence before you meet your ex-girlfriend, that’s fine.
It takes time. All good things do.
But if you are at least aware of how an outcome independent man acts, you will be much better off when she meets you.
This is doubly true if you know she’s hanging out with a new guy. If you follow the playbook here, she’ll stop hanging out with him and choose you.
Alright, now that you’re feeling dangerous let’s make this happen.
What Does It Mean If Your Ex Agrees To Meet You?
When your ex-girlfriend agrees to meet you, she’s at least open to giving you a chance to get things right.
Assuming she reached out to you, the chances are decent that she has been questioning whether the breakup was the right choice.
She’s telling you that she may be open to getting back together with you, if you do things right.
If you want her back, you want to get her to agree to a date at your place.
Then, once she’s at your place you want to and then seduce her during the date.
Before I break this down, you need to remember that just because your ex-girlfriend agreed to meet up with you, it doesn’t mean you two are back together.
Treating her like your girlfriend right away is going to turn her off and ruin any chance you have at getting back with her. You need to adopt the mindset that she’s just like any other girl you’re dating.
If you’re having trouble with this concept…
Approach the date without any anticipation and go into it expecting nothing.
Having a laid back attitude about the date will put her at ease. You don’t want to be one of those guys that puts too much pressure on her.
It never goes well for them.
As far as you are concerned, she’s just another girl. You’ll be happy if things go well, but you’ll shrug your shoulders and get back to living life if it does not.
This is outcome independence in a nutshell.
You want to adopt the mindset that she’s going to be reacting to you, not you reacting to her.
When Your Ex Agrees To Meet Up With You
Set The Date At Your Place!
You should only set the date at your place.
When you’re at home, you control the environment. There are no distractions, and you’ll be able to make your move on her without anything getting in the way.
Suggesting a date at your place also tells her there’s a chance sex will be involved.
If she accepts the invitation to your place, you can assume she’s at least considering the idea of having sex with you.
Which is exactly why you want to invite her over in the first place. A great night spent together capped off with some between the sheets fireworks can go a long way towards bringing her back to you.
In fact, as clinical Clinical psychologist Joseph Burgo Ph.D., author of The Narcissist You Know explains, sex is more important than ever when things aren’t going well.
Make Sure You Can Laugh And Flirt With Her Like Any Other Girl
The key to getting your ex-girlfriend back is presenting yourself in a positive and attractive way. Think about how you acted when she first fell in love with you.
You were probably pretty damn fun, considering you were head over heels with NRE.
Your job is to be an improved version of that guy, and that starts with getting your mindset in check.
At this point, your ex-girlfriend is just like any other girl. She’s not going to give you the benefit of the doubt just because you dated previously.
In fact, she might be extra critical of you and it’s important to make sure you’re in the right mood to handle that criticism without letting it ruin the meet-up.
Flirt and joke successfully, and you’ll begin to rekindle her attraction to you. Fail to do so, and you’ll either end up friend-zoned or sitting on the sidelines as she runs into the arms of another guy.
A great way to make sure you’re up to the challenge is to set up another date prior to meeting up with your ex-girlfriend.
Get on Tinder or Hinge and try to set one up in the days leading up to the date with your ex-girlfriend.
During the date, practice joking and flirting with her. It doesn’t matter how she reacts. What you’re looking to do is build confidence in your execution.
Plus, seeing another girl will help you invest less in your ex. Think of it as your security blanket. Just because your ex-girlfriend agreed to meet, you aren’t guaranteed success.
If things go badly with your ex, you could have another girl waiting for you.
Understand Why She Broke Up With You In The First Place
Before you’ll be able to re-attract her, you need to sit down and identify why you guys broke up.
I’ll give you an example.
I had a buddy named Dan in college. Dan was blessed with confidence and good looks in spades. His girlfriend broke up with him right before we graduated.
At first, I was shocked. He seemed like he had it all together. After sitting down and talking to him, I realized that he had been extremely aloof over the last 6 months.
It turns out that Dan had been extremely inconsistent in following through on his promises to her. He blew off dates, didn’t spend time with her, and missed important milestones including their anniversary.
He was more interested in hanging with our group.
Consistency, masculinity, and attraction all go hand in hand. Dan hadn’t been consistent with his girlfriend. Because she felt ignored and unimportant to him, her attraction began to drop until she eventually dumped him out of nowhere.
Dan and I hammered out the consistency issue. It’s not something that you can fix overnight, but he improved rapidly.
About 6 weeks after their breakup, she reached out to him and I advised him to set a definite date with a definite time, instead of saying “yeah, we will get together at some point”.
Over the next two months he continued to follow through on his promises with her, and they eventually got back together.
Of course, this is just one example. Some other common issues I often see include:
- The communication in the relationship was poor. Over 80% of breakups report communication issues were a major factor.
- You stopped dating her, and started taking her for granted like Dan did.
- You had unrealistic expectations of her and asked for too much.
- You were too needy.
- You spent too much time together with her.
- You were too emotional.
- You lacked the confidence and assertiveness to escalate and de-escalate as needed.
- You were too jealous. Use my negative visualization technique here to crush jealousy for good.
- You weren’t providing enough value in the relationship.
These are big problems, and by no means will you be able to completely change them in a short period of time.
Instead, work on improving your situation and have a plan for continued growth. You’ll want to be able to demonstrate your improvement to her without verbalizing it.
For example, if you lacked confidence and assertiveness in your relationship, you can non-verbally show her the change by asking her on a definite date, and then leading the interaction from there.
You don’t ever outright say that you’re more assertive. Women don’t care what you say. They care what you do.
Show her instead of telling her.
Put In The Work To Fix What Went Wrong The First Time!
It’s easy enough to figure out where you went wrong. It’s not as easy to begin to change.
If you’re not willing to put in the time to really change what went wrong, you won’t get your ex-girlfriend back even though she agreed to meet up.
Ask yourself: am I working to fix the problem areas that ended our relationship?
You should be able to specifically identify what the problem areas are, and how you are working on them before you even think about having her over.
For example, if you were too needy, I would want to see something along the lines of:
- You identifying the shortcomings in your upbringing that cause you to feel needy, and then working to be mindful of how they make you act.
- You having experiences with multiple new women to help you realize that you are deserving of love from women other than your ex-girlfriend.
- You taking action to make your life more compelling to you, so that you don’t feel the need to make a woman the center of your life.
You don’t need to entirely change in the short term, but you’ll need to be well underway to get her back. You’re not doing it for her either. This is an investment in yourself!
Now, think about it from her point of view. In her mind, you don’t deserve to date her. Why should she take you back if you’re the same person, just promising new things?
Most men who try to get an ex-girlfriend back don’t succeed because they talk about change, but don’t follow up.
Don’t be that guy.
Show her that you’re a man of action and you’ll be that much closer to getting her back.
If you need help figuring out what exactly you need to do, one of my most popular articles happens to be 8 ways you can work on yourself.
Or, if you want to skip the guesswork you can get my help here.
Be Confident You Can Navigate The Date Even If She Is Not Initially Receptive
You should expect a reserved version of your ex-girlfriend showing up to your date. Your ex-girlfriend will initially be more reserved than a new woman, and won’t give you as many chances as someone new might.
That makes it crucial that you nail the first date. While it’s not a death sentence if you screw up, it’s going to make getting back with your ex-girlfriend harder.
While it might be off-putting to see someone, you love act so reserved, you’ll need to be able to maintain your cool and present an attractive personality towards her.
How will you react if she tells you she’s dating another guy? What if she’s only giving you short answers to your questions?
Remember, no matter what she says, she still agreed to meet up with you. Even in the worst-case scenario, that means she is at least considering what you have to offer.
That doesn’t mean she has to take what you’re offering though.
Your goal on the date is to have fun! While she might want to sneak barbs at you, or tell you she’s better off alone, don’t let it get to you.
Women say things all the time that they don’t mean. Hell, I had an ex tell me she never wanted to see me again when we broke up.
2 months later she was blowing up my phone asking me to take her back.
The point is, be prepared to encounter some adversity on when you see her. You’ll need to have internalized the plan here to be prepared for any roadblocks.
What To Wear When You Meet Your Ex-Girlfriend
Changing your look is a great way to subtly show you’re different without having to say it.
For example, if you used to wear sweatpants and a t-shirt out while you two were dating, change it up when she comes over.
With women, subliminal communication always works better than the spoken word.
Women pay attention to the little details.
They look at your shoes. They check if you are properly groomed. They notice the new watch and the new bracelets.
You’ll speak volumes by changing your look, even if you say nothing else.
Don’t be afraid to try something a little bit different. As long as the cut is right, and what you’re wearing fits you properly, it will work.
When I was changing my look, my new default was a pair of dark-washed Levis, and a black fitted t-shirt to show off the gym progress I had made.
There’s a good chance she’ll comment on your new sense of style. Regardless of what she says, don’t feel the need to over-explain yourself.
She may be asking only because she wants you to admit you’re doing it for her.
Don’t let her think that.
Wear A Scent She’s Familiar With
For the record, Eternity for Men is still one of the BEST values in cologne, and women love it (and so do I).
But I digress.
One of the most powerful drivers of memory is scent.
The olfactory bulb in the nose that runs alongside the bottom of the brain works together with the amygdala and hippocampus.
Guess what those two bad boys are responsible for? Your memory!
And even better…
Visual, tactile, and auditory information does not pass through these two areas.
Only scent does.
It shouldn’t surprise you to know these senses don’t have the same impact on memory.
Using this knowledge, you can hack your ex-girlfriend’s brain.
While I advise refreshing your cologne every so often, this is one case where you shouldn’t change what you’re doing.
Wearing a scent that you wore frequently during a happy period in the relationship usually correlates with a good date.
Because scent is so closely connected with memory, you’ll be able to arouse a positive emotional response in her by just wearing a cologne she’s familiar with.
This technique is surprisingly effective. Plus, women love men who smell good.
I’ve watched women take one deep inhalation of my scent and instantly relax. It’s that powerful.
If you weren’t a cologne wearer during your time together, now’s the time to start.
How To Act When You Meet With Your Ex-Girlfriend
You don’t need to put on an act when you meet your ex-girlfriend. If you are trying to act like someone you aren’t, you will come across as inauthentic and fake.
It’s important to be yourself, with one caveat.
You want to be the BEST version of yourself. You know, the kind of guy that she was attracted to in the first place, just turned up to 10.
She was attracted to you before, and she can be again if you can…
1: Be Positive & Happy When You Meet Her
Mindset is everything if you want to re-attract your ex-girlfriend.
You want to be in a positive, happy-go-lucky state of mind when meeting up with her.
Of course this is easier said then done, especially if you are still hurting from your breakup.
Luckily, there’s plenty you can do to cheer up ahead of time.
If you’ve got any negative feelings swirling around in your head, write about them in a journal.
If possible, spend time with your buddies before you meet your ex-girlfriend. Male friends are always good at getting you into a positive frame of mind.
If that’s not possible, do some blood pumping exercise. Whether that’s running sprints, playing basketball, or rock climbing, all that matters is you get your heart rate up and keep it up for at least 25-30 minutes.
Then endorphins released by the exercise will do wonders for your mood.
2: Act Like The Best Version Of Yourself
Your ex-girlfriend knows you better than most. If you act fake, or like someone you aren’t, she’ll notice. Be yourself, but seek to act like the best version of yourself.
To figure out what that looks like, think about the version of you that attrcted her in the first place. What was that guy like?
Once you think about him, try to assess where he felt short. Think about him as if he were someone completely different than you so that you can be objective.
What were his strengths? His weaknesses?
When I was learning these techniques for the first time at age 20, I assessed myself as having a good physique, good conversational skills, and a great attitude but poor confidence and next to no consistency.
The best version of me kept the good things, but sought to downplay the bad.
And what would you fucking know?
My ex-girlfriend, Gia (who I talk about throughout this website) ended up giving me multiple different chances to get back with her even though I ultimately chose not to.
3: Keep The Conversation Flowing During The Meet Up
You also want to make sure that you can keep things light and fun.
There’s nothing worse than stumbling over what you want to say. An hour before she comes over, call someone you’re close to and talk to them for at least 15 minutes.
Talk to someone you’re comfortable with. Shit, I’m not even ashamed to admit it, but I used to call either my mom or grandmother back when I was still learning this stuff.
Keep the topics positive! Focus on being engaged and asking questions. You’ll be doing the same with your ex-girlfriend.
If you watch public speakers, you’ll often see them get tripped up early but gain momentum as they persist. Here’s a great example of Steve Jobs experiencing the same thing.
You can feel the audience engagement climb as Jobs begins to hit his stride. His momentum builds slowly, but he finishes strong.
Think of your ex-girlfriend as the audience. You want to have momentum behind you as soon as she walks in. You want her to see the confidence in you from the start.
Keep the conversation light and fun, with the aim of getting her to talk about herself as much as possible.
Get her talking about how she feels about things.
For instance, instead of asking her what she’s reading, ask her why she loves reading that book and what she’s learned from it.
Once a certain topic starts to get stale, make sure you gracefully move the conversation in a new direction.
If you do it right, she will have an almost unbroken stream of things to say. Once you reach this point, you can sit back, let her do the majority of the talking, and simply shepherd the conversation from topic to topic.
Keeping her talking is extremely important and demonstrates your confidence.
You’ll feel better for it, and so will she.
Which brings up my next point…
4: Acting Confident Is Attractive To Your Ex-Girlfriend
Leading her from the second she walks in the door is one of the best ways to show her how confident you are.
Since you invited her to your place, you are in a great position to take the lead.
You can start by adopting the body language of a leader. Focus on drawing your shoulders back, as if you wanted to show off your chest. When sitting, don’t slouch. Lean back and take up a lot of space.
Try to keep good eye contact when you’re talking to her, but especially when you are listening to her.
This video from ImprovementPill NAILS what confident body language looks like. Take a few minutes and watch below:
Just make sure your confidence doesn’t turn into arrogance. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, embarass yourself, or poke fun at something you did wrong.
You want to maximize your presence, and these little tweaks will go a long way towards helping her feel comfortable around you.
You’ll be able to sense her warming up to you if you get it right. Good cues to look for include:
- Playing with her hair or adjusting her makeup.
- Her feet facing towards you while you talk.
- Her leaning towards you if you are sitting.
- Looking downward when you make eye contact with her.
- Smiles that wrinkle her forehead.
- Not crossing her arms or legs.
- Her “accidentally” brushing against you.
- Her looking at your lips or licking her own.
- Her making an excuse to touch you.
These signals are her way of telling you that she’s receptive to being touched.
Touching builds connection. Once you recognize the signs that she wants to be touched, it’s up to you to slowly escalate while being mindful of her response.
5: Touch Her Gently As She Warms Up To You
Always start slowly with the touching. Stay away from her breasts, and between her legs initially.
I know some of you are going to write to me with something along the lines of “But Jack, those are the two areas where she’ll get the most aroused!”
No. That’s not how women work.
While you might like it if she skips the pleasantries and goes right for your dick, you have to remember: she doesn’t think like you do. Just because you like something doesn’t mean she does.
You need to build up to touching her intimate areas. You do that by starting with a low-risk body part. For example, you might touch her hair, or the inside of her wrists before you move to her lower back.
Remember: there’s no rush. Keep it gentle and intimate.
As you slowly escalate the touching, you will build sexual tension which will come in handy later.
Just remember, your date can’t be purely physical. You need to work touching her into the normal flow of conversation.
Now you’re touching her gently, and keeping her talking about herself.
Things are moving in the right direction.
6: Don’t Act Needy During The Meet
So, the date’s going great, and you’re getting excited. It looks like you’re finally about to get her back. I remember feeling this several times when I was younger. It was like a liquid rush of excitement.
Of course you want her back, and to you it seems that she wants you too.
If you catch yourself thinking this way at any point while she is over, stop whatever you’re doing, go to the bathroom and splash cold water on your face. This is exactly how you lose your ex-girlfriend for good.
Just because you’re feeling the fuzzies does not mean you can do any of the following:
- Start trying to talk about your previous relationship
- Bring up anything about who she’s seeing or was seeing
- Try to chase her down and corner her into a relationship again
- Beg for forgiveness
Would you do any of these things with a woman you were going on a first date with?
All of these things SCREAM neediness. Regardless if that’s why she left you the first time, that’ll give her ammo to do so a second time.
Your only objective on date one is to keep things light, and ultimately make love to her, so don’t make things harder on yourself!
It’s not entirely important what scent you wear, as long as you avoid floral notes. Stick to deep, masculine scents like sandalwood, leather, tobacco, etc.
Taking Things To The Bedroom
Okay, lets rewind to you before you had to splash water on your face. The date’s going great, and you’re getting excited.
She’s warming up to you and her body language is telling you she’s enjoying herself. She may even be touching you directly and blushing when you look at her.
Maybe you’ve even made out by now.
It’s time to start gauging if she’s ready for more, and it’s up to you as a man to lead the interaction to the bedroom.
Start slowly at first. Make out for a little bit, and then stop and gently touch her some more. Weave in some light banter here and there.
As you progress and she gets more excited, match your escalation to the signals she’s giving you. If you do something and she starts breathing heavily, stop. Take your time. Don’t rush, for women, the foreplay is as important as the sex itself.
Mix in gentle tracing with passionate kissing. Don’t go between the legs or on the chest without first thoroughly stimulating every other part of her body.
Taking the time to make sure she’s into it will pay dividends in better lovin’ for you down the road. If you knock it out of the part on foreplay and sex, your ex-girlfriend will not be able to resist you.
So, take it easy. Delay the actual act until she’s practically dripping in anticipation.
The sex will be better for you both.
By now, you should be in the bedroom and your clothes should be off. You know what comes next.
If she spurns your advances initially, don’t stress. This is a normal part of any seduction. Don’t be pushy, and don’t get mad at her if she’s not at the same place as you.
Guys that get angry at being rejected are fucking chumps. I don’t want you to be one of those.
Don’t get angry.
Just back off and go back to making out and talking with her. Slowly build back up and take another run at her after some time has passed.
If she rejects you again, try one more time. It’s important to be patient! You must outwait women. Patience and persistence make the difference.
You should try to escalate 3 times, and 3 times only. If she stops you 3 times, then stop.
However, don’t be dissuaded if during the seduction process, she says things like:
- “We’re NOT having sex tonight”
- “Don’t think you’re getting any further than this”
- “We can’t have sex”
- “I’m not ready yet”
This is her way of telling you she is seriously considering the possibility of you two having sex.
Keep gently leading the interaction forward. You’ll be surprised when you end up sleeping with her despite her “objections”.
Women do say what they feel in the moment, but what they feel changes by the minute. That’s why it’s your job to persist.
If you outwait her, and keep the positive momentum going with the kissing and the touching, it’s likely her mind will change about having sex with you.
Let her come to you, and don’t force it.
Give First Before You Recieve
I’ll just come right out and say it.
You need to make her cum.
Your main goal in bed is to make her cum.
You want her to orgasm BEFORE YOU DO.
You want to make her think “Holy shit, why did I dump him?”
MAKE HER CUM!
You want her to choose you over the other guys?
MAKE HER CUM!!
I won’t go too deep into this. I’ve already written an in-depth guide about how to have sex with your ex-girlfriend which you should go read.
The point is, the sex isn’t about you cowboy. It’s about her. Put her first in bed, and once she gets hers, then you can do your thing.
Making her cum sure as hell won’t fix any relationship issues you two had, but it’s a great start.
As a general rule, if you make her cum, what happens afterwards will go better.
Ideally, your ex will be just as happy as you are. However, there’s also the chance she may not feel the same way, and it’s up to you to navigate these choppy waters.
If she’s fine, then no worries. Follow the above tips on humor and conversation. The date’s not over yet.
Just like if you were dating a new woman, you want her to leave at some point after the act itself.
However, if she takes it badly you will have a more complicated situation on your hands.
I would say this happens in anywhere between 20-30% of the time. It’s almost always related to rushing to sex. Again, this is why it’s SO important to make sure she gets warmed up ahead of time.
More likely than not, she will want to leave. At this point, there’s not much you can say or do, so resist the urge to overly comfort her. Most importantly: do not apologize.
Assuming she gave her willing consent, you should never apologize for sex.
Do what you can to salvage the situation. Try to cheer her up or lighten the mood.
You can hit her with a line like:
“My God, I never knew I was THAT bad!” with a sarcastic tone and a shit-eating grin.
A good shit-eating grin and a timely joke can diffuse even the tensest situation. Whatever you do though, don’t rush her out. Give her some time afterward where you two lay together and continue the conversation from earlier.
By doing this, you’ll help her feel more comfortable about you. Treating her like a booty call won’t get you far, if you want her back.
After she leaves, you can pat yourself on the back.
Congratulations! You’re one step closer to getting your ex back, if that’s what you really want.
How Did It Go?
The ultimate indicator of how well you did is ultimately:
- Did you make love to her?
- What was the aftermath positive?
If you can say yes to both of those, then you did well. Now we move on to the next steps.
What You Do After The First Meetup With Your Ex-Girlfriend Depends On How It Went
Alright gentleman, before we start worrying about what to do after your first date with your ex-girlfriend, we need to get 2 things out of the way here.
You should still be seeing other women.
Don’t be the guy that immediately drops all the other women he’s seeing just because his ex-girlfriend is back in the picture. Even worse, don’t be the guy that’s not seeing any new women at all!
You could have the best date in the world with her, only to have her choose someone else for reasons beyond your control.
So you need to keep seeing other women, at least for now.
Would you quit your job just because you had a great interview at a new company?
Of course not!
You need to treat your ex-girlfriend like she is just another woman you are dating. She dumped you, which means she needs to earn her way back in.
The method I teach for dating new women is simple. After the first date, you reach out once a week to set another date.
With your ex-girlfriend, the formula is slightly different.
I recommend between 3-5 low effort dates at your place before you start going out for dates again.
If you have 3-5 great dates that each end in sex, you can be reasonably confident that you are on the right track.
From there, you can start going out on regular dates again, as long as you set them close to your place or hers. Each date should end with sex.
If The Date Went Well
Once the first date is over, you are no longer in the no-contact period.
After she leaves, wait about 24 hours before you reach out to her again with a direct, non-needy phone call or message asking what her schedule is like over the next week.
Pick a date where you are both free and invite her over to your place again.
The one thing you want to avoid is being friend-zoned by your ex-girlfriend. Read this article on what that looks like and make sure you never fall into this trap by doing things like:
- Agreeing to a date that’s somewhere other than your place
- Texting her back and forth “just to talk”
- Taking a “maybe” on plans
- Agreeing to go out with her and her friends
If she won’t agree to another date, tell her to get back to you when she’s free. The ball is in her court now.
Focus on dating other women until you hear from her again.
If The Date Went KABOOM
If shit started popping off on the date, you need to back off. If you apologize and try to talk her down with guy logic, you will just make things worse.
GUY LOGIC DOES NOT WORK ON WOMEN.
Back off for a week and don’t panic. Go back to no contact and figure out what went wrong.
Were you too needy? Did you force the interaction too hard? Maybe you weren’t properly calibrated and came off as boring and unfunny?
Re-read this article and apply the step by step process to your date. Figure out where your technique let you down – and then plan to fix it. Re-read this article as many times as it takes to internalize the concepts here.
You also need to consider the possibility that your relationship with her might not be able to be saved.
You can’t force a square peg into a round hole. You need to consider that you two just may not be compatible.
This is why it’s so important to always be dating other women. If your ex-girlfriend is not a good fit for you, it will be fairly obvious as you meet other women who are.
After a week has passed, reach out to her again with a quick, non-needy text to gauge her interest in coming over to your place.
Once your ex-girlfriend has agreed to meet, make another date at your place, and follow the formula above.
If she doesn’t agree, terminate the conversation and return to indefinite no-contact until she reaches out again.
Need More Help Getting Her Back?
If you’re having trouble applying these techniques, or want some more in-depth help putting together a game plan to get your ex back, I can help.
Book an email coaching session with me and I’ll work together with you to help you learn the principles laid out in this article. I’ll coach you through exactly what to do from the moment she walks in the door, until the moment she walks out so you don’t have to worry about anything going wrong.