Today we’re talking about one of the fundamental pillars of life in general: attention.
Too many of you guys are making the mistake of freely giving your attention to women who don’t deserve it. That shit stops today my friend.
Today, I’m sounding the alarm for some of you guys that are fucking up in a big way.
From here on out, you are only going to give your attention to women WHO HAVE EARNED IT.
Spoiler Alert: Your ex-girlfriend who dumped you IS NOT ONE OF THEM, unless she’s agreeing to a date at your place!
From today onwards, you’re now banned from:
- Talking to her “just to catch up”. Cut the bullshit my man, you know you’re interested in something other than catching up. Please.
- Dropping thirsty comments or likes on her social media. Again, I know what you’re doing here. Read this.
- Trying to be her “friend“. C’mon. You think being her friend is going to get her back?
- Entertaining her on the phone even though she won’t agree to a date.
- Kissing her ass, complimenting her, and otherwise trying to cheer her up.
Shit, now I’m fired up. Let’s break this down.
Now, I know a lot of you guys are trying to get your ex-girlfriend back. That’s cool. There’s nothing wrong with that.
But some of you guys are going about it in the wrong way. The right way is really fucking simple. You go no contact. She reaches out. You set a date at your place. You have sex. You repeat, and slowly build up her comfort with you.
That’s how it works. Every fucking time.
But, this past weekend I got about half-dozen or so emails …and some of them…oh boy. You motherfuckers are getting played like the world’s smallest violin.
After seeing you guys get taken advantage of, I decided that I needed to put all the other stuff I’m doing on hold and write this public service announcement.
Your Attention Is Your Most Valuable Resource: Never Give It Away For Free
Too many of you guys are making this mistake every day, and it’s not just with your ex-girlfriends.
You’re making this mistake with everyone from the new women you date to your friends and family.
You’re letting people occupy your valuable time without them giving anything back in return. You’re wasting time validating that girl who left you, who pops in and out when she wants attention. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about.
She’s never there when you want her to be there no matter how many times you’re there for her. That girl. She might be your ex. Maybe she’s a “friend”. Maybe she’s just some girl on Instagram.
Chances are though, it’s probably your ex.
Maybe she’s a real asshole to you and every time you see her you find yourself asking “What the fuck am I doing hanging with her?”.
Good question Johnny Boy, good question.
Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted, in one moment, would you capture it? Or just let it slip?
Because you only have one shot to achieve everything you want in life. You only have one shot to date that supermodel, one shot to build that business, one shot to travel the world.
Only one. So don’t let it slip. Because at the end of the day, you only have so much attention to give. You’re not Doctor Manhattan and you can’t wave around your giant blue dong and create more time.
I know you know this, so here’s a question for you: why are you giving your attention to a woman who isn’t giving you anything back in return?
Your attention is the most valuable resource in the world right now.
Companies like Google, Facebook and Amazon literally put a price on your attention that advertisers relentlessly fight for.
Yep. In my day job in advertising, I will sometimes pay over $40 dollars for less than 30 seconds of your attention. And for my company, that $40 dollars can generate over a 25x return.
Statistically, that’s less time than it took you to read the last few paragraphs.
Your attention is your power. So what does a wise man who understands the power of this resource do? He protects it, and only exchanges it for something of equal value. It’s the law of equivalent exchange.
When he gives his attention to a friend? He gains solidarity. When he gives his attention to his business? He gains money. When he gives his attention to learning? He gains knowledge.
He doesn’t piss it away on people or things that A) give no value back in return and B) have no place in his long term plan.
Because only with consistent attention and focus will he achieve the things he’s set out to achieve.
So here’s a thought experiment to hammer this home for you.
Dr. Jordan Peterson estimates that an hour of your time (on average) is worth somewhere between $50-$100 dollars over the course of time. I’ll average it out and say your time is worth $75/hour.
Chances are for most of you reading this, your time is worth more than that, but let’s roll with $75 for now.
Think about how you spent your last 24 waking hours. Would you be willing to pay someone $75 an hour to do what you spent the last 24 hours doing?
Would you give up $75 an hour to “chat” with your ex-girlfriend?
I’m willing to bet that’s a no. And that’s a damn shame because you’re capable of more no matter what your situation is.
That’s Great Jack, But How The Fuck Does This Have Anything To Do With My Ex-Girlfriend?
I’m glad you asked.
First things first, let me clear up a very common misconception. Just because she wants your attention doesn’t mean she wants you back.
There are some “relationship experts” who want to keep this myth going to sell you their products. They’ll try to teach you that any attention she shows you is a sign she wants you back.
But that’s just not true.
Women string men along all the time. Your ex-girlfriend is no different. There are only 3 reasons she’ll ever reach out to you, and two of three of them are for her benefit only.
Attention does not equal attraction. With that in mind…
You don’t owe your ex-girlfriend anything, and she doesn’t owe you anything either. Once you’ve split up, you’re on your own, and she’s on her own.
If she wanted it to be different, she shouldn’t have broken up with you.
I don’t care how much she wants your attention. I don’t care how bad the situation is. I don’t care what excuse she gives you. She could be depressed. Angry. Sad.
It doesn’t matter. “Helping her” or giving her attention freely is not going to help you get her back.
If anything, it’s going to convince her that you’re not a man of value, because you’re willing to put up with her shit without you two being together.
If she made the choice to leave, you don’t owe her shit. This goes both ways. If you left her and now you want her attention, she doesn’t owe you shit either.
Now, until she proves otherwise, she’s not going to help you advance your goals, and she has no place in your long term plan. Even if you want her back, you need to assume that in the long term, she’s not going to be there.
So if she wants to be a part of your life, she has to work for it. The way she works for it is by agreeing to date at your place, and then getting her ass over there. She has to show she has skin in the game too.
Otherwise, she’s just wasting your time.
But you can’t push her into doing this, no matter how bad you want her back. If she wants your attention she has to earn it by coming to you. In other words, she’s chasing you as opposed to you chasing her.
Let me explain.
Way back when, after my first long term relationship went belly up, I wrote something in my journal that I still laugh at to this very day:
“I’ll take my time, be her friend, and help her heal”
Mind you, she broke up with me. Not the other way around. So what did I do? I put myself in the friendzone for 2 months while she dated someone else. I wasted dozens of hours being her emotional sponge.
I gave, and gave, and gave. What did I get in return? Half-assed “friendship” that didn’t make me feel any better. If anything, it really set me back on my road to recovery because I was violating one of the fundamental principles of beating the Ex-Girlfriend Addiction.
Meanwhile, she got to unload all of her emotional baggage on me, while running around banging another guy. It was a great deal for her. She kept all the bullshit in my corner, while she got to chase someone else.
Only when I finally nutted up and went no-contact and took my attention away did she begin to value it.
Then she began reaching out to me instead of me reaching out to her. Finally, when I was ready, she invited me over to her place, which was considerably closer than mine and made sense for us both.
Of course, I wouldn’t recommend doing this because you want to make her go out of her way to show that she’s not just trying to waste your time, but I didn’t know any better back then.
That said, guess what happened when I went over? She told me she’d dumped the guy she was seeing. We ended up having a good time with some pizza and beers before we went upstairs and had sex.
That sounds a lot better than me being her emotional punching bag huh?
Now, I’m not telling you this because I’m bitter. I’m not. I’m extremely grateful for that experience because it taught me one simple lesson I hope I can convey to you gentlemen (and maybe gentle-women?).
Take Your Attention Away And Suddenly People Value It More
Scarcity creates value.
If you want people to respect your attention, you have to show them that your attention is valuable.
The best way to do that is to make your attention a valuable commodity by making it hard to get! It’s the law of supply and demand.
This key fact is exactly why you have to ignore her if you want to get her back. She needs to understand that she can’t just have you like she did before. If she wants you back, it’s on your terms or not at all.
And your terms are simple. You want to see her, face to face, so you have a chance to seduce her and begin building a new foundation for your relationship.
Taking your attention away from her is simple. Stay busy, and ignore her bullshit. I know some of you aren’t going to want to hear this, but getting pulled into her drama makes you look weak.
You’re a man. Rise above the petty bullshit.
If she reaches out to you, assume she’s interested again and make a date at your place.
If she’s at your place, you have a much better chance of seducing her, and getting something valuable for your time (experience, and a chance at reconciliation). Otherwise, you’re just wasting time.
If she refuses the date? Ignore, ignore, ignore. You’re not going to get anything from bullshitting with her.
- She wants to talk, but won’t agree to a date? You’re busy.
- She keeps sending you snaps but leaves you on read? Ignore them.
- She texts you at 1am when you should be sleeping? Ignore it.
- She flirts with other guys to make you jealous? Ignore her.
- Is she stalking you on social media? Delete her. Read this.
- Is she complaining about her new man? Laugh, and ignore her.
The key takeaway here: she’s either coming back to your place, or she’s getting ignored. There’s no middle ground. It’s that simple.
Stop wasting your time on women that aren’t adding anything to your life.
Talk soon my friend,