“We had our goodbye call today” Jason told me. “There’s still a lot of love there. She said we could get back together in the future, once she comes back from Korea”.
Jason hesitated for a moment, clearly thinking something over.
“Do you think she really wants to get back together or is she just letting me down easy?”
The Future Is One Confusing F*cking Place
I work with clients like Jason in my coaching practice on a regular basis – and if you feel confused, hopeful and conflicted, you’ve come to the right place.
Because I get it.
Hell, I still remember how I felt when my ex said we could get back together in the future almost a decade ago. It was just enough of a hint to keep me confused and hopeful that once enough time had passed, we’d get back together.
And I stayed – stuck.
I don’t want to see the same thing happen to you my friend.
So what the fuck are you supposed to do if your ex says she wants to get back together in the future?
I’ll tell you a secret – probably not what you’re thinking.
She Wants To Get Back Together In The Future – Is She Lying?
There’s no way of knowing whether or not your ex-girlfriend really means it when she tells you that she wants to get back together in the future.
On one hand – promising a future with no guarantees is a form of withdrawal. It’s a similar strategy to friendship – one that allows her to de-escalate the relationship without completely cutting you off.
On the other hand, I believe there are occasions when this can be genuine.
For example:
- If the breakup was caused by her mental health;
- If the breakup is because she’s moving;
- If she left you because of circumstances in your life (not personal traits) that she could no longer handle;
- If the breakup came because she needed space after having personal issues;
When she’s telling you that she can see a future for the two of you together, she’s forecasting tomorrow based on today’s feelings.
Think about it like her trying to see some distant point on the horizon with improperly focused binoculars. She’s going to be able to see the outlines of what’s there, but she won’t know what it actually looks like until she gets closer.
If you ask her what’s on the horizon, she’ll tell you what she saw. But, without it being in focus, what you actually find could be dramatically different than what she saw.
Now, she wasn’t lying to you. It’s just that her perception of what she saw at that moment was warped by the haze of time and space.
So Is Maybe In The Future Something You Should Bank On? Should You Wait For Her?
Look – on a philosophical level, if you’re a high-value man who truly wants a life of long-term masculine happiness like I teach here, you should never wait on a woman.
But maybe you’re not there yet.
Maybe you couldn’t give less of a shit about this long-term, masculine happiness thing I won’t shut up about. Maybe you just want to sit next to her on the couch and enjoy her presence and her warmth like you used to.
If that’s the case, should you wait?
The answer is still no.
Let her tell you how much she loves you and wants to get back together in the future – but for the love of all that is good and holy, don’t sit on your hands and wait.
As I’ve discussed before in my article about how long it takes to get your ex back – if you want her back you shouldn’t be waiting on her. You should be working on yourself.
Because you’re working against the clock.
I don’t say this to scare you – because I know that you likely will experience more long-term masculine happiness without her. A year or two from now you’ll understand why.
But in the mean time – if you want to go out knowing that you did everything in your power to make it work – you can’t wait.
I talk about this key concept in my course on how to get your ex-girlfriend back – but suffice to say, the further out you get from the breakup the less likely you are to get back together.
And I know that feels like it’s the end of the world, but I promise you – it’s not.
You can do this. Deep breath.
You Also Have To Consider How Quickly Her Mind Can Shift
Scientific research has demonstrated that women tend to score higher in neuroticism compared to men, which suggests that she will likely experience greater emotional variability than you.
As a consequence, your ex-girlfriend’s emotions can shift rapidly and unpredictably, including her feelings towards you.
Her current emotional state is a key factor in how she perceives and judges the quality of your former relationship, and her overall attraction to you is the balance between her positive and negative feelings towards you.
However, her emotional state can be influenced by external factors such as her friend grroup, her new boyfriend, or a biological factor such as stress or her menstrual cycle. So don’t assume that what may be true right now will be true tomorrow.
She may want to get together in the future right now but…
She’s Allowed To Change Her Mind!
Again, she’s not telling you this because she’s full of shit or because she wants to hurt you (hopefully).
So believe her when she tells you she sees a future together – and if you want her back, great! Get my course on how to get your ex-girlfriend back, work on yourself, and see what happens.
But be realistic with yourself – no one knows what the future holds.
And as I’ve talked about before – your chances of getting her back are not great. So should you wait?
No.
But that’s not all…
Maybe In The Future Is Harmful When It Turns Into Stringing You Along
Now here’s where her innocent behavior can start to get dangerous.
While I’ve written about why she’s asking about you, or reaching out while she has a boyfriend I haven’t mentioned this particular tactic yet.
There are some women who will use the promise of getting back together in the future to keep you as an orbiter while she shops around for other options. While this isn’t as common as you want to believe, it does happen.
I’m currently working with a client who was stuck in a holding pattern with his ex-girlfriend because of this. He was going on dates, and having sex like with her like when they were in a relationship.
But there was no label, and he was dreading the day when he knew he’d find out that she was dating someone else.
For several months he went back and forth while it impacted his career, his stress level, and his mental health.
Fortunately – I was able to pry his attachment to her loose and he’s since gotten back into the driver’s seat of his life.
What’s the takeaway here?
Stop Worrying About Tomorrow and Focus On Today. Fuck “What If?”
Even though she isn’t lying to you, and probably she doesn’t have malicious intent, it’s still best for you to start making moves with only yourself in mind.
I know it’s tempting to want to wait for her, and play the what if you two get back together game.
Here’s the thing though. Chances are while you’re waiting, she’ll either be playing the field or her emotional state will change.
All you’ll be doing is delaying the grieving process and prolonging your pain.
Handcuffing yourself to her is just going to prevent your from finding the life and love that you deserve at this moment, not at some point in the future.
There’s no you and her anymore. There’s just you and me baby.
I’ve got your back, so stick around and let me help you.
Here’s the first thing I can help you with…
If You Really Want To Get Back Together In The Future, You Need To Let Her Go (For Now)
As I mentioned earlier, her changing emotional state means that the way she feels about you right now isn’t set in stone.
You can change it for the better.
You just have to remember that what she said about the future really doesn’t mean anything.
However, how you react to it will impact the chance you two have of getting back together.
Let me explain.
Just the premise that you two might get back together is going to make you needier. It’ll make it that much more tempting to reach out, just to “check” on her, when you should actually be in no-contact.
Read More: How To Re-Attract Her When You Were Too Needy
All of these things say to her that you don’t have options, and that you’re not a high value man who she’ll lose if she doesn’t act soon.
She’ll know she has you, and she’ll know that whatever happens in the relationship will be on her schedule.
Is that something a high value man would do?
I’ll let you be the judge of that.
She wants you to be confident and unafraid of losing her, but equally warm, and able to truly listen, apologize, and rebuild the trust and the safety. She wants the best version of you.
And you should want it too.
If you need help becoming that guy because you don’t know where to start
If you want a proven plan to follow – a pathway to working on yourself while keeping the door open for a second chance with her – pick up my course on how to get your ex-girlfriend back.
It’s your battle plan and marching orders.
Talk soon my friend,
Coach Jack
PS: Got a burning question about your ex-girlfriend or your unique situation that you want my expert advice on? Click here to learn how I can help you.