Of all things, watching Tom Brady win his 7th Superbowl last night got me thinking.
Tom Brady worked really freaking hard to get to where he is today.
(Or if you’re a Tom Brady hater, he cheated really freaking hard to get to where he is today).
Either way, I was impressed. He looked crisp for a dude that’s only 7 years away from getting his AARP card.
The guy is 43 years old playing a position where the average NFL starter is nearly 14 years younger then him (28.93 years old).
And now he’s won 7 championships in his career, after coming out and dominating on one of the world’s biggest stages last night.
Behind those 7 championships and Tom Brady’s supernatural ability to pay refs behind the NFL’s back is a powerful lesson that many of you probably understand, but don’t really realize.
The short of it is:
Tom Brady spent 8 years honing his football craft before he was drafted into the NFL.
During that time, no one had any idea what he was going to become. I doubt even Tom realized how successful he was going to become on the football field.
But, over 21 years later here we are. 7 championships, the most in NFL history.
It sure as hell took some time. But was it worth it?
I bet you Tom would say hell yes.
Tom’s struggle to the top of the NFL may be more glamorous than your goals, but the truth remains:
If It’s Worth Doing, It’s Going To Take Some Time
Men’s Breakup is meant to help you build a life of long-term masculine happiness after you’ve been dumped. You probably have a very unique idea of what that life looks like for you.
It could include:
- Getting your ex-girlfriend back (but you should read this first)
- Recovering from the emotional and spiritual pain of getting dumped/going through a bad breakup.
- Figuring out what comes next for your life as a new bachelor.
- Learning dating and relationship skills to enjoy dating women in drama-free, fun-filled relationships.
- Traveling non-stop and seeing the world.
- Starting your own business
With the possible exception of the first one, these are all worthy goals. Accomplishing any of these will make you really freaking happy.
I can tell you that both from personal experience, and from guys I’ve spoken to in my coaching program.
But without exception, all of these goals take time. Some take weeks, others take years, and every increment of time in between.
But It’s Impossible To Predict How Much Time It’s Going To Take
I’ve worked with a lot of you recently who set these really ambitious goals, which are good. Having big goals is a great way to live life.
But setting an extremely tight timeframe to accomplish that big goal just isn’t realistic.
When I was in my early 20s, I was often guilty of this. I’d set a really big, amazing goal and I’d give myself 90 days to achieve it.
Then I’d stress myself out, busting my ass to try to get it done.
But, when I didn’t get it done in the 90 days as I thought I would, I would lose my motivation and quit, and then end up back where I started.
Then inevitably I’d watch some #hustleporn, and start the whole cycle all over again with a new goal.
Success In Anything Is A Sustained Effort
When it comes to succeeding with your woman, fitness, personal, or professional goals, consistency is what gets you from A->B.
Whenever I look back on the major accomplishments in my life, the one common thread between each of them is that I did a little bit of work, consistently for a long time period.
I didn’t get the results overnight, but my little 1% improvements eventually compounded on one another until the change was impossible not to notice.
I’ve given the example before of my modest fitness gains over a 3 year period (which you can see here).
Of course, this wasn’t as “sexy” as those 90-day transformations you see plastered all over Instagram and Facebook.
But it was sustainable.
And that is really what I want to talk to you about today.
Worry About Sustainability, Not Success
If you can reverse engineer your goals into a series of habits, and then sustain those habits for a long period of time, you will hit your goals between 80-90% of the time.
There are always those weird exceptions, but those are highly unusual.
Those of you who REALLY want to get your ex-girlfriend back are the most guilty of not doing this.
And trust me, I get it.
You want guys want quick fixes because you want her back right this fucking second.
But there’s no quick fix for a failed relationship. Fixing it takes real work, and time!
That’s why, if you follow the system I teach here, you need to stop worrying about the success you are striving for itself (getting your ex-girlfriend back, getting better with women, etc) and instead focus on the systems and habits that you need to get you there.
These habits also need to be sustainable, which means they need to adhere to the pain principle:
If you are doing something regularly that causes you more pain than it does pleasure, you’re going to stop doing it.
Any habit you want to keep for a long time needs to not be a painful experience overall.
That might mean easing yourself into the habit so it’s not painful.
You do that, by starting with something that’s easy, even if it feels ridiculous.
2 minutes of running. 5 minutes of reading. Open 1 new girl on Tinder a day. Get through 1 day of no creeping on her.
You get the picture.
Over time you slowly build on these micro-habits in a way where it never feels like you’re going 0-100 real quick.
You might run 3 minutes the next week, read for 10, open 2 new girls on Tinder a day or get through 2 days without creeping on her.
Take as much time as you need to ramp up your habits. It’s more important that you hit them consistently than anything else, so stick to what you can handle.
It’s going to feel slow and boring doing this at first, when you’re doing much less than you know you’re capable of. You’re going to want to do more, especially if you’re very motivated.
Resist the urge. When it’s easy, you’re more likely to do it. Save the challenge for after you’ve built the habit.
It’s a lot easier to stop chomping at the bit for progress though, when the rest of your life is a good time.
Along The Way, Make Sure You Enjoy Yourself
Success is a long campaign, and it’s often a boring one.
So along the way, it’s so important that you “stop and smell the roses” so to speak.
In other words, you can’t get so wrapped up in rushing towards success that you become completely trapped in the tiny bubble of your concerns.
Meanwhile, life is going on all around you.
Getting trapped in this bubble can suffocate you, and crush your motivation to do the long, boring work that success requires.
So along the way, for the love of god, make sure to enjoy yourself.
Make a habit to enjoy your life & reward yourself for doing the right things.
Whenever I finish one of my daily tasks, I go up into my attic and read with my skylight open.
For the record, I fucking love books, and I love that skylight. It’s great motivation to keep going.
Another powerful motivator for most men is newness – whether that’s traveling somewhere new, eating somewhere new, meeting a new woman, reading a new book, etc.
Because good success habits are often mundane as fuck, you need a healthy dose of newness to counteract that. If you’re getting enough novelty, your boring success habits won’t seem like such a big deal.
So take the time.
Get outside your bubble.
Committ to the long term and get the results you want.
Be ambitious without being impatient.
You’ll get there.