“What about when I tell you no?” she said, her light brown eyes inches from mine.
I could feel her warm breath gently tickling my neck.
She was the classic good girl. Well educated, conservatively dressed, and immaculately put together with perfectly white teeth and nails to match.
You know the type. The type of girl you love to see, but the type of girl that’s easy to lose.
I shrugged and prepared to take a risk.
“Then I’ll ask your sister what she’s doing tonight” I asked with a shit-eating grin.
“Jack!” she giggled, as she twirled a strand of hair around her finger.
“Is that what you tell all your girls?” she said to me in her light Dominican accent.
At that point, I knew I was in the clear.
An hour later her clothes were strewn across the room, while her heavy breasts pressed against my chest.
“I can’t believe I just did that!” she laughed, as I passed her a joint. “Oh my god!”
Before we parted ways several months later, she repeated a variation of that line several times.
Such is the power of outcome independence, one of the most important fundamentals that you need to master when it comes to dating, or getting an ex back.
It’s hard to learn, but absolutely irresistible to women. Even better, having outcome independence allows you to always keep the dominant frame, where she’s reacting to you, not the other way around.
Put simply, outcome independence is something you must master if you want to take it to the next level.
Outcome Independence Is Abundance
When taken literally, outcome independence means that you’re not emotionally attached to any one outcome.
If something happens, great. If it doesn’t? Great. Your emotional state doesn’t change.
Honestly, this definition (advanced by many slimy pickup artists) completely misses the mark.
I prefer to look at outcome independence as the confidence you have in yourself that you can find other options to replace what you stand to lose.
Because when you fail at something, no matter how tough you are, you’re going to feel it, at least a little.
But, if you know you have other options, you’ll have no problem picking yourself up from your failure and moving on.
For example, my Dominican paramour. Even though she was beautiful, I knew there’d be plenty more like her. I didn’t want to screw up, but if I did, I knew I’d have plenty of chances with other gorgeous women.
Ultimately, I knew no matter what happened on that one date, I was going to end up in bed with a beautiful woman at some point.
I just had to put in the numbers to get there.
Outcome Independence Makes You Irresistible To Women
Women love outcome independence because it always goes hand in hand with competence and rock-solid self-confidence.
Look no further than Hollywood for proof of this. Bond, Han Solo, Don Draper, Tommy Shelby, and their compatriots all display high levels of outcome independence.
Whether it’s Han’s famous line of “I know” or Draper’s excessive philandering, they all show it in a different way.
And guess what? Real, and in-universe women drool over them because they can’t be pushed around.
On the other hand, men who are outcome dependent can be easily manipulated by the men and women around them.
That doesn’t inspire confidence or attraction in women who (at least subconsciously) are looking for a man to protect them.
Women are used to having their way with the men around them, often on their terms.
I’m willing to bet you were wrapped around your ex-girlfriend’s finger, weren’t you?
But now that you’re on the path to being a better man, that has to end because…
Dominance and outcome independence go hand in hand. Women know that men who are outcome-independent tend to err on the side of dominance, which is what women want in a protector.
Easy enough, right?
Getting to true outcome independence, however, is a gradual process that requires work.
But you can do it if you’re willing to put in the work.
How To Build Outcome Independence That Makes You Magnetic To Women
To have true outcome independence, you need to have multiple options.
When it comes to women, that means having many options available.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
What you need before that is a combination of confidence and lots of practice.
Just like you can’t fake confidence, you can’t fake outcome independence. It has to be built.
That’s the bad news.
The good news is, the practice you need definitely won’t be boring.
There are two ways to go about it, and you’ll have to pick one that’s suited to your personality.
Each has its limits, but both are intertwined and extremely rewarding.
There’s the indirect lifestyle growth method and the more direct women method.
Option 1: Build A Fucking Awesome Life For Yourself
If you’re already good with women, but can’t quite seem to take it to the next level where you’re dating the kind of women you want, this is the option for you.
This is also the option for you if you want to get an ex-girlfriend back. Living an awesome life will help you holistically re-attract her because you’ll actually have things going on.
Honestly, you should be doing whether or not you’re good with women, but if you’re looking for more “quick wins” and are laser-focused on getting good with women fast, scroll down to option 2.
Otherwise, let’s break this down.
Here’s why it works.
Imagine for a second you’re on a date with a really hot woman, or the ex-girlfriend you’re trying to get back.
Things aren’t going well. She’s not engaging with you in conversation while she’s glancing at her phone occasionally.
You can tell she’s not into it, and tonight probably isn’t going to be your night, and it’s subtly ruining your game, even though you don’t notice it.
As you begin to resign yourself internally, you feel a twinge of disappointment. You figured that you were only hours away from freeing her glorious mammary glands from the skintight prison she calls a dress.
Denied the pleasure you had hoped for, a thought crosses your mind.
Tomorrow night, you and your buddies leave on the sweet vacation to Venice you’ve been looking forward to for the past month.
Suddenly, you perk up and the light jumps back into your eyes. Your date notices as your internal excitement has you smiling with your eyes.
You finish your drinks and bid your lady a sweet adieu as you rush home to get to bed.
That night of sleep is extra sweet, even though you have the entire bed to yourself.
Waking up the next day, your mind filled with thoughts of a Venetian adventure, there’s no room for the thought of titties that have passed you by.
The principle is simple: have so many awesome things going on that if one thing goes wrong, it’s just a bump in the road, not an effing massive pothole that swallows you whole.
See what I did there?
How you accomplish this is going to be unique to you.
For me personally, I do this by working on projects that I love all the time. I also balance this with trips to the gym on a program I created myself.
If I have a bad day, no problem. I can get excited at the thought of putting in some meaningful work as soon as I get home.
My advice: think about the things that really make you happy, and make it a point to do them all the time.
How you figure this out involves a lot of trial and error. I’ll write about it eventually, so stay tuned.
Once you get this right, you’ll have outcome independence in all areas of your life, not just in dating women.
You’ll also actually be happy, which is not something you’re going to get just from dating women.
Option 2: Date Lots Of Women
On the other hand, if you’re looking for quick and dirty wins, this is the way to go.
I went down this path prior to realizing option 1 was the better choice for me.
Since then, I’ve found that this option is really best for you if you’re one of those guys who’s never really had success with women, and it’s left you with a chip on your shoulder.
Don’t listen to those guys telling you inceldom is the way to go. It’s not. It will lead you down a path of cynisism and misery.
Once you date enough women, you’ll quickly realize it isn’t as great as it’s cracked up to be, but you’ll need to get to that point first.
And boy, the first few wins are FUN.
To do that, you’ll need a rock-solid system for dating and managing multiple women.
Beyond that, the key is you need to put in the numbers.
For newbies, that means doing what I call a dating campaign, where you go on a bunch of dates, make a ton of mistakes, and then learn what it takes to refine your approach to the point where it becomes second nature.
If you’re a fast learner, this will take you 1-2 years before it becomes unconscious, unless you have a proven system or a great coach, in which case you can cut these numbers in half.
Online dating is the best way to do it these days because sleazy pickup artists have made it hard to approach enough women without getting yourself into trouble.
Again, this is a huge topic worthy of several posts that I can’t possibly cover here.
Once you’ve dated enough women, you’ll quickly realize that there are patterns common to all women, and it’ll get easier and easier to get dates.
Once you realize how easy it is, you’ll get to the point I was at in my story at the beginning, where you’ll have the capacity to bring new women into your life at will, so the results with any one date won’t matter.
And once you get to that point, you’ll probably realize how much you screwed up with your ex, which is good, because…
Greater Outcome Independence = Greater Chance Of Getting Your Ex-Girlfriend Back
The secret to getting your ex-girlfriend back isn’t some special technique.
If you don’t have other things going on in your life, it’s going to be very difficult for you to get to that point.
Because it’s not easy to remain in control when it’s your ex-girlfriend who you probably still love.
But once you do, you’ll be less concerned when she inevitably tests you, which will lead you to keep your poise, and not screw things up with her.
And when it comes to getting her back, the closer you can get to doing everything right, the better your chances.
Seriously, it only takes one mistake to torpedo things with your ex-girlfriend.
So practice practice practice.
Whether that means dating dozens of women or planning tons of trips the world over.
Outcome Independence and its indifference will absolutely make the difference with women.