There’s no way around it: getting blocked sucks.
It feels even worse when you have no idea why she blocked you. Maybe you were just looking for an explanation as to why she left. Or maybe you just wanted to remind her of how much she means to you.
Either way, finding out that she blocked you on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc is a punch in the gut you just don’t need right now. The first time I was blocked, it felt like my stomach dropped through the floor. I thought she hated me, and that it truly meant things were over for good. In some ways, it was almost harder than the breakup itself.
Many of you have told me similar stories in my email coaching program recently. There are 3 or 4 of you I am thinking of in particular. You know who you are.
Most guys that get blocked ask the same question:
“If she blocks me, that means she loves me right? Or is she going to hate my guts forever?”
The truth, as it often is, is somewhere between those two extremes.
I’m going to pull back the curtain on that, and if you stick around till the end, I’ll show you exactly what you need to do while you’re unblocked, and what to do when she eventually (in most cases) unblocks you.
Sound like a fair trade? Let’s dive in – starting with the titular question.
She Didn’t Block You Because She Loves You. She Blocked You As An Act Of Self-Preservation
She did not block you because she loves you – she blocked you because she needed a breather for one reason or another. Blocking someone is the nuclear option. It’s essentially saying “I’m done with this, I don’t want to hear from this guy, I don’t want to see anything from this guy, and I need to move on”.
Her blocking you has less to do with you, and more to do with how she is feeling at the moment. While it is possible that your actions chased her away – whether or not she blocked you has more to do with how she is feeling.
And if you are worried you will be blocked forever, or that she completely hates your guts just remember: her feelings can and will change. Most men I work with eventually get unblocked assuming they follow my advice.
The problem is: most men don’t. They either don’t have the self-control, or are not aware of why getting blocked happens in the first place. And then they lose their cool and completely chase the woman they want right out of their life.
Since you are part of my audience, I don’t want you to be one of them. You have more important things to do than to worry about why she blocked you.
She Blocked Me On Everything – What Do I Do?
“Coach! She blocked me on everything! Oh my god, how could I have screwed up so badly? I never wanted to hurt her. She must really hate me. Is she going to hate me forever? “
If this is you, please, for your own sake, calm down! If you don’t calm down…
Take a deep breath and stay with me here, because you are going to be okay. I am going to give you 3 easy steps that you can follow right now to take control of the situation. But first, you have to promise me something…
Step 1: Don’t Panic (Or Try To Find Other Ways To Reach Out)
The most common mistake men in my audience make when they realize they have been blocked is to panic – even though this is the last thing you should do.
Depending on the type of guy you are, this tends to go 1 of 3 ways.
- You try to find other ways to contact her;
- You shoulder an immense amount of self-blame;
- You make extreme assumptions about how the future will be;
…and as you might imagine, each of these is bad.
The worst thing to do if you want to get her back or get over her is to find other ways to contact her. As we will talk about in a second, her blocking you is NOT a test to see if you’ll get creative and find other ways to contact her, like…
- Using other accounts or phone numbers;
- Writing your ex-girlfriend a physical letter;
- Having friends pass messages;
- Showing up at her house / place of work;
- Using Facebook Ads (I wish I were kidding);
Guys, I’m a fucking broken record about this. You must never chase a woman after she leaves, whether you want to get her back or get over her. If you need a smack upside the head because you are breaking this rule, read the article below two or three times.
Now let’s talk about the self-blame and catastrophizing for a minute – because both of these can hold you back from moving on, and can make the pain you are feeling worse if you are not careful.
Step 2: Be Equally Cautious Of Self Blame
If you have poor self-esteem or an insecure attachment style you may feel the urge to heap undue amounts of blame upon yourself for her blocking you.
In my article ” I talked about how everything in your life is your fault once you are an adult. That is still as true today as it was when I first wrote it. However – there is a massive distinction between accepting responsibility for everything in your life being your fault and blaming yourself.
The difference between blame and responsibility is that self-blame diminishes and destroys us – while accepting responsibility allows us to expand our minds and grow from the challenges around us.
|You realized she blocked you because you kept reaching out after she asked for space.||“Fuck, I am so stupid! Why do I always chase away the people I love?”||“Fuck, I chased her right out of my life. This sucks, but I learned my lesson. I need to be willing to walk away.”|
|You feel ashamed and guilty after you realize she blocked you because you snapped on her while emotions were high.||“God, why am I such an angry person? This is all my fault, if I had just controlled my anger it might have been okay”||“Shit, I definitely slipped up. That was a bad move. I need to address the root cause of this anger so this stops happening”|
|You feel broken after finding out she blocked you because she has a new guy right after you broke up.||“I must have provoked her to do this – our relationship was so terrible and I’m a terrible partner”||“I can’t believe she already has someone else, but that’s a reflection of her, not of me. Her actions do not reflect my worth”|
When you are unable to love and accept yourself, you will have a hell of a time trying to love someone else. Like your ex. Or another woman that deserves your attention.
Step 3: Lay Off The Catastrophising Too, Will You?
The world is not going to end because she blocked you. The pain and shock you may be experiencing right now will pass, and I can say that with 100% certainty.
“Sure Coach,” you say “But it’s her I want. Is she going to hate my guts forever?”
The answer is no, probably not.
Even if you fucked up big time (with some exceptions), the chances are good that she won’t hate your guts for life. You probably will not be blocked forever.
But let’s throw rationality out the door for a minute and assume that only the worst-case scenario happens. Let’s assume she hates your guts and keeps you blocked forever. You never hear from her again.
To that I say – so what?
If she never reaches out to you again and never unblocks you again, what are you really losing?
Right now you think you are losing the love of your life, the perfect girl, with a great relationship and a great future. The problem with that is…none of it is true. If you think it is, you need to read the article below.
Read More: Why Your Ex Is Not Special
The only thing you are losing is someone who would have moved on anyway.
So – is the worst-case scenario going to happen?
No. Probably not. Reality often falls somewhere between the best and worst case. What happens next really depends on why she blocked you in the first place.
Why Did She Block Me?
The underlying theme here is that she blocked you because she felt uncomfortable for one reason or another. That reason depends on the length of your relationship and the duration of it as well.
Regardless of what her reasons are, if you get blocked, don’t be an asshole. Respect her decision and have some self-respect for yourself. Stop chasing a woman who is not interested.
Why She Blocked You If You Were In A Short-Term Relationship (<3 months)
The majority of men I work with who get blocked after a short-term relationship get blocked for 1 of 3 reasons.
- Her needing a clean break;
- Making her feel uncomfortable / giving her the wrong vibe;
- Because she ghosted you;
Let’s break these down really quick.
1: She May Need A Clean Break
Depending on how your relationship ended, it’s completely possible she decided to block you in order to move on. If she doesn’t want to talk to you, hear from you, or even know you exist, sometimes blocking you is the easiest way to go.
Emotions often run on high during the breakup, and sometimes blocking you is a good way to get them under control again.
Her friends and family have encouraged her, or she may just want to start fresh. Either way, if this is the case, you must respect her decision.
2: It’s Easy To Make A Woman You Don’t Know Well Uncomfortable
While you may lament your lack of dates, a single woman in the same position has the exact opposite problem. Chances are, she has plenty of options, but she’s going to ignore most of them. Some get ignored for being unattractive. Others are boring and get left on read. And still, others go on to steal millions of dollars and get their own Netflix show.
Considering you aren’t an international fraudster, boring (hopefully) or unattractive (hopefully), she may have blocked you because you made her uncomfortable. Different people handle being uncomfortable in different ways, and hers may have been to block your ass.
So if you were blocked recently, it’s time to think back over the last few weeks. Did you say something creepy? Did you say something out of line? Did you get a little too personal?
In my experience, there are forgivable offenses (assuming she was attracted to you) and unforgivable offenses. Every woman is different and will classify forgivable and unforgivable differently. If you are not sure whether your offense was forgivable or unforgivable, you can book an email coaching session with me and I can help you figure that out.
Below is a very general set of offenses that may make a woman you have only been dating for a few months uncomfortable enough to block you.
|Possibly Forgivable Offenses||Unforgivable Offenses|
|Coming on too strong, too soon. Includes talking too much, trying to progress the relationship too fast, or trying to control her life/choices.||Hitting on her friends / acting creepy around them.|
|Posting weird (or political) shit on your social media.||Pushing her to do things sexually she does not want to do. This includes sending nudes. If you do this, you are an asshole.|
|Emotional outbursts – anger, sadness, jealousy, etc.||Trying to surprise her by showing up at her work or her house unannounced.|
|Trying to get too much personal information before she is ready.||Trying to get involved with her kids before she has asked.|
|Small fights and minor disagreements.||Laying siege to the US Capitol building.|
|Her having a weird “gut feeling” about you.||Having history (especially negative history) with any of her friends, family, or co-workers.|
All of these things (and many more besides) can get you blocked.
So – can you recover if you made her uncomfortable? If you made a mistake in the possibly forgivable column, you have a chance. If it isn’t….then I have some bad news for you. The unforgivable offenses are usually unforgivable when you barely know a woman.
3: She Ghosted You
If you have been dating for 6 weeks and she suddenly drops off the map and stops texting you, that’s not an accident. What she is doing is telling you in no uncertain terms that she is either about to break up with you, or already has decided to without telling you.
The good news is that most women have the self-esteem and the decency to tell you directly that it’s over. But there are some women out there who will just block you and vanish without saying anything.
Don’t take it personally – it happens all the time.
This can include women who:
- Are no longer attracted to you;
- Were never attracted to you to begin with;
- Met another guy or got back with an ex;
If You Were In A Long-Term Relationship (>3 months)
I have actually written a full article addressing this, which you should consider a companion article to this one.
Go read it by clicking the link below, and then circle back to this article when you are done.
Read More: She Left And Blocked Me. Why?
Will She Ever Unblock Me?
The answer is yes! Most likely she will unblock you at some point. But that answer has caveats. Let me explain.
If you were in a short-term relationship and really made her uncomfortable, the chances of getting unblocked are slim. The same is true for a long-term relationship. If you did something that could be considered unforgivable (ie cheating, getting another woman pregnant, getting really angry after the breakup) to the point where she felt threatened, you may stay blocked.
It’s impossible for me to be any more specific than that without having more information about your situation. If you want a tailored assessment as to whether or not she will unblock you, book an email coaching session with me, and let’s talk.
For the rest of you:
What You Can Do To Get Unblocked
There’s nothing you can do which will guarantee you get unblocked – which is why it is important to study my material and make sure you are working on yourself. It’s possible you may never get unblocked, so you want to be in the best position to move on as opposed to sitting around in denial, which is the opposite of long-term, masculine happiness.
So here’s what you need to do.
- Do not contact her for any reason. Don’t write letters. Don’t show up at her place. Nothing. You want to vanish into the shadows.
- Remove her on any platforms she has blocked you on. This is not to send a message to her. This is for your own sake, so you are not constantly checking to see if you are unblocked. That’s the wrong mindset. If she wants to get back in touch with you, she will. Obsessing over her is not the answer.
- Remove her on any platforms she has not blocked you on to take away the temptation of reaching out.
- Get your ass over to this page and read every article listed there.
Sound simple enough? It is.
Got Blocked? Good. It’s Easier To Do This…
I don’t know about you, but I think it’s a good thing that she blocked you. It may not seem like it right now, but now you are free from the addictive pull she exerts on you. Now you can take the right action to begin breaking her hold on you.
Put your feelings aside for a minute and throw on your logical hat with me. If she really loved you, wouldn’t she be trying to work things out? Wouldn’t she be sitting down to talk, instead of blocking you? Now I’m not trying to absolve you from blame either. If you fucked up and she blocked you for a good reason, that’s on you. But now – you can work backwards to understand why you did it so that you can be better in the future.
Now that you’ve started to come to terms with this harsh fact of life – now you have a choice. Right now, she’s out. So what are you going to do? Sit down and patiently refresh your social media every day waiting for her to get unblocked like a good little boy in denial? Or is that little voice of defiance within you finally going to take control – that voice that’s desperately screaming “Fuck this, I deserve to be treated better. Time to move on!”
Besides, will her unblocking you change anything? What’s your gameplan, anyway? Beg and plead for another chance? How has that worked?
I’ll tell you what my friend, you probably don’t realize it yet, but she has done you a kindness. It hurts right now, but if you keep working with my material I promise that you will rise from the ashes much stronger than you are right now.
So instead of killing yourself over this, it’s time for you to see the good in it – the silver lining.
Building your new life of long-term, masculine happiness just got a whole hell of a lot easier without her distracting you.
So don’t waste it.
Talk soon my friend,