2020 has been one hell of a year for us all – so what better way to end it than your girlfriend dumping you on Christmas?
According to many of you I’ve spoken to over the last month, that’s how the story has gone.
Getting dumped sucks no matter what, but right now it’s on another level. You might be confused over what to do with gifts you bought her. Your friends and family all asking what happened, like it isn’t fucking obvious.
And to make things even better, you’re getting constantly smacked across the face by all the proposals and “happy” couples on social media, on TV, or in your day to day life.
So if you’ve been having a rough go of it, like I know a lot of you are, this article is for you.
I always get flooded with messages around Thanksgiving, but this year has been a bit different.
You all know why.
I’ve gotten plenty of the usual questions like:
- How come she dumped me right now?
- Should I give her the gifts I got her?
- How do I explain what happened to my family?
- Should I wish her a happy [insert your holiday here]?
Now even in the best of times these questions have no easy answers.
But here’s the thing – despite all the pain you are feeling right now, getting dumped on Christmas is actually a blessing in disguise, as I’m about to show you.
But first, let’s dive a little deeper into why women love to dump men right around Christmas.
There’s The Holiday Specific Reasons
The most popular day to get dumped, according to studies, is smack dab in the middle of the Holiday season.
It’s December 11th, and is almost exactly halfway between Thanksgiving and Christmas. December is also the most popular month to get dumped as well.
And that’s not by accident.
So why is December 11th -and the month as a whole- such a murderer’s row for relationships?
There’s a laundry list of holiday-specific reasons, that aren’t limited to:
- Not wanting to introduce you to her family
- Not wanting to meet your family
- Issues with gifts
- Neediness during the holiday season
Here’s a great example of a woman’s perspective on how she felt this holiday season, courtesy of Bustle:
“It was my senior year in college and I had been seeing this guy since the end of summer. After dating a string of non-committal guys it was refreshing to finally be with someone who liked making plans in advance and sticking to them. He started to become too much around Thanksgiving. He wasn’t close to his family and talked about how he dreaded going back home. He also talked about how he would miss me and wished we would spend the holiday together instead. I’m close to my family and haven’t seen them since summer, so I told him that I couldn’t do that but we would do something when I got back. He was upset, but didn’t make a big deal about it. Over Thanksgiving weekend, he texted me non-stop and got upset when I wouldn’t text back right away. It wasn’t done on purpose, which I explained. I was spending time with family, but he didn’t seem to get that for whatever reason. From that point my interest in him went downhill. When he started talking about making Christmas plans, I knew I had to end it. There was no way I would make myself miserable on my favorite holiday.”-Allie (25) on why she left her boyfriend
Holiday-related angst can explain away some of the breakups but in my experience, there’s something bigger at play.
And it isn’t your ex-girlfriend not wanting to get hit on by Uncle Steve at your family’s Christmas dinner.
But Chances Are, She Was Already Imagining A Future Without You, And Just Needed A Little Push
Unless you cheated on her or did something equally terrible, your ex-girlfriend didn’t just wake up one morning and decide to leave you.
Unlike someone we know…
As I’ve talked about before in my article “How did she move on so quickly after we broke up?“, your ex-girlfriend may have been thinking of leaving you for anywhere from a few weeks, to a few months after she first felt unsure about your relationship.
Leading up to the holidays, most women will spend their time thinking it over while talking with trusted friends and family members. These friends and family members often act as a sounding board for her concerns about your relationship, which may empower her to leave you.
This happens throughout the year, not just on Christmas. But during the holidays, you’ve got two other forces turning the pace of breakups up to 10:
- “New Year, New Me” mentality
- Added social pressure from both sides of the aisle: friends and family getting engaged and from the newly single hold outs looking for someone better.
The “New Year, New Me” mentality is exactly what it sounds like. As the current year comes to a close, your ex-girlfriend may have started thinking “what’s next?” for the new year.
The promise of a new year often invites “big picture” thinking, including thoughts of changing jobs, getting in shape, moving somewhere new, cutting off toxic people, or ending a relationship that has gone downhill.
Here’s just one example of what that can look like, thanks to Bustle:
“I’m a New Year’s Eve baby so my birthday is on December 31. I was about to turn the big 2-5, so I thought about my life and what I wanted it to look like over the next year. At the time I was with someone for two years and it wasn’t really going anywhere. Instead of dragging things along, I decided to break up with him a week or two before Christmas. I immediately regretted it but stuck to my decision. On Christmas Eve, I ran into an old flame and we really hit it off. We just got engaged this summer.”Carly (27), on why she left her boyfriend of 2 years right before Christmas.
On the other hand, there’s also a ton of social pressure around the holidays for non-married women to get married. It’s especially strong for women in their 20s and early 30s. The pressure comes from friends, family members, western culture, ads, and all sorts of other places.
This doesn’t mean your ex-girlfriend was expecting you to propose – it just means around the holidays she’s getting bombarded with the idea of getting married.
And if you don’t measure up to the idea she has in her head for what she deserves in her future husband, then you might be on the way out.
“I was feeling unsure about my boyfriend for a while. We were together for almost a year. I loved him, but I wasn’t ‘in love’ with him. When my sister got engaged on her birthday, which is a few days before Christmas, it hit me and I realized I didn’t ever see myself being married to him. I thought about waiting until after the holidays to break it to him but I wanted to start the new year off fresh. We had a talk a couple of days before Christmas and he told me he felt the same way. We decided to just be friends and we’re still good friends to this day.”-Sammy (31) on why she left her boyfriend right before Christmas
That aside, you can’t put all the blame for her leaving you on the holidays. Most relationships that end during the holidays are already on life support.
For a more detailed look into why you really should read this article about the 6 biggest reasons your girlfriend will leave you.
So take heart, if she left you around the holidays it probably means you were on borrowed time to begin with.
Which Means You Don’t Need To Wish Her A Merry Christmas or Happy New Year
Every year, right around Christmas/New Year’s Day I get innundated with the same question:
“Jack, should I wish her a Merry Christmas/Happy New Year?”
When I say no, I’m often met with resistance, along with a laundry list of reasons why I’m wrong.
If you are one of those guys, I get it. You want her back, and you probably think that a harmless “happy holidays!” will help keep you on her mind so she doesn’t forget you.
Here’s the thing: if you really want her back, she has to come to you. If she has already broken up with you, it’s best to give her time alone to start missing you.
If you want her back, she needs to get to a place where she misses you enough to contact you. Anything less than that is setting yourself up for failure.
And I can say with confidence: she’s not going to forget you, so don’t sweat that.
If you really want her back, you need to be able to detach from your former relationship so that you can treat her like any other woman.
Don’t Feel The Need To Overexplain To Your Family
There’s no reason to hide the truth from your family. If they ask why you’re alone, tell them.
However you don’t need to spill every detail. Remeber: if you do get back together with her, chances are she’ll be spending time with the same family members at some point.
Even if your family is intimately involved in your day to day life, I suggest that you tell them a very simple “we’ve decided to do our own thing” and leave it at that.
You Should Return Any Gifts You Got For Her
While you might feel the need to give her the gift you got her “just because”, you are better off returning it.
If she just dumped you and you give her the gift anyway, it could come across as a bribe to get back together, which can make her uncomfortable.
Think about it this way, if you are confident you’ll get her back (and you should be, if you are a regular reader) you will have plenty of time to give her gifts in the future.
There’s no rush.
Instead, I would encourage you to take the money you save and spend it on one (or all) of these timeless books that all men should read after getting dumped.
It’s Also Best To Put The Gifts She Got You Away
I recommend you take any gifts she got you and put them somewhere that you won’t see them, at least temporarily.
Her gifts can act as powerful reminders that you are no longer together. Seeing them lying around isn’t helpful to you moving on as a newly single man.
As a single guy, I strongly recommend you read this post about the dreaded ex-girlfriend addiction. It has a step-by-step guide to getting your life together now that you’re single, which includes a detailed checklist of things to put away.
So put them deep in a closet, or under your bed somewhere. You can bring them out later, once you get back together or move on to someone that’s a better fit for you.
Getting Dumped On Christmas Can Be A Christmas Miracle – But There’s One Catch
The beautiful thing about getting dumped on Christmas is that the new year is right around the corner.
A new year to build relationships, wealth, knowledge, fitness, friendships, or anything else you can imagine.
Considering how much energy it takes to maintain a healthy relationship, as a single man, you are now in the driver’s seat of your life again.
No one is telling you what to do except you.
So what will you choose to do?
Are you going to sit at home and feel sorry for yourself because she dumped you?
Or are you going to instead dedicate this year to becoming the man she remembers as “the one who got away?” as you become the best version of yourself?
The choice is yours.
If you want to make the right choice, I highly suggest you start here. It’s a collection of all my best articles that will help you get back to firing on all cylinders so you can hit the ground running.
So go, get better, and become the man you are meant to be. Trust me, it all gets better from here.