The first thought I had when I discovered the no-contact rule was “Great, how long will it take until she reaches out?”. Once I heard that I only had to go no contact for 30 days, I was on board. Sitting on my hands for a month was no big deal. I could do it, if it meant she would reach out.
I wasn’t thinking about myself, the grieving process, self-improvement, or even what I wanted during those first 30 days. All I cared about was getting her back. I was laser-focused on that 30-day mark, and how relieved I would be once we started talking and eventually got back together.
Seeing as though you are reading this, I bet you can guess what happened.
Yeah, things didn’t go according to plan and I suffered as a result of it. Today I’m hoping I can save you from the same pain. So let me start by answering the burning question that brought you here.
Will She Reach Out After No Contact?
If you use the no-contact rule correctly, there’s a good chance she will reach out to you in the future. Several studies[1],[2] have shown that between 40-67% of former partners stay in touch.
So trust the numbers here. I know deep down, you want to believe it’s possible anyway. If you are a betting man (and I most certainly am), you want to take the over here. Because at some point, statistically, she’s likely to reach out to you.
But before you go celebrating, her reaching out to you isn’t a good thing. It’s actually dangerous to you if you want to experience a life of long-term happiness. I’ll tell you why in just a second, so hold that thought for the time being.
There are certain relationship and personal dynamics I’ve observed that seem to make it more likely that she will reach out during no-contact.
Factors That Make It More Likely That She Will Reach Out
- If she’s unhappy with her current relationship;
- If she’s part of your larger friend group;
- If you work together;
- If you haven’t handled the “Breakup Logistics” as I talk about in my upcoming book;
- If you were together for a long period of time relative to her other relationships;
- If you had a deep emotional connection relative to her other relationships;
- If she has an anxious attachment style;
- If she is going through a difficult time in her life;
Related: Why You Shouldn’t Be Worried About Her Rebound Relationship
So, how long will it take for her to reach out after no contact? A 2016 study[3] showed that in over 90% of the cases, there was contact within a few months of the breakup.
The takeaway here is that you can expect her to reach out to you, and to reach out to you soon. But as I mentioned earlier, that should be about the last thing you want.
Her Reaching Out Is Not A Good Thing
I know what you are picturing in your head. I know somewhere deep down, you’re hoping that she comes running back to apologize for dumping you. If you check your phone every morning hoping that today is going to be the day she finally reaches out, then what I’m about to say is the reality check you need.
Just because she reaches out doesn’t mean she wants to get back together with you. Most of the time, it has nothing to do with her wanting to get back together with you.
Plus, her reaching out to you has a number of damaging consequences. Consider that a 2013[3] study showed that men who continue to communicate with an ex-girlfriend hold on to romantic feelings for longer and experience greater sadness, among other things.
Contact with her stalls your recovery process and reinforces your Ex-Girlfriend Addiction. The whole point of no contact is to keep your recovery process moving so you can begin to adjust to your newly single life.
So don’t listen to the ex-girlfriend recovery snake oil salesmen out there – the whole point of no-contact isn’t to get her to reach out. It’s to give you the chance you need to be alone.
Related: The Real Reason No-Contact Is So Effective
Regardless of what her reasons are for contacting you if you were dumped, maintaining no contact is in your best interest if you want to experience long-term happiness.
What Should You Do If She Reaches Out After You Go No Contact?
Once you have handled the breakup logistics as I talk about in my upcoming book (which I will announce officially in a couple of weeks), there should be nothing left for her to contact you about.
While I realize the prospect of never hearing from her again seems incredibly painful, I promise you that the sooner she is completely out of your life, the sooner you will start feeling better.
That’s why I want to circle back to this idea of “after” no-contact. There is no such thing as “after”. Once you go no-contact, that’s it. When you walk away from a woman who decided that she no longer wanted you in your life, you must do so completely and fully. Anything less than 100% commitment and you will suffer additional pain.
Thus, if she reaches out to you during no-contact, you need to ignore her.
Related: Why You Need To Ignore Her After The Breakup
I know that you may want answers, especially if she dumped you without closure, but I promise you, even the pursuit of answers isn’t going to help you move on. The only thing that will is when you make the decision to do so.
If you need help ending things, you can send a “Statement of Intent” text where you talk about your intention to move on from the relationship and ask her to refrain from contacting you. We talk more about it in my upcoming book, as it’s one of the most mature ways you can give yourself closure after being dumped.
Otherwise, you can just ignore her. It’s not rude or impolite to want to prioritize yourself, especially since she made the decision to dump you.
Reminder: The Point Of No Contact Is To Help YOU Help Yourself, Not To Get Her Back
No contact is one of the most powerful tools you have in your post-breakup arsenal if you use it for the right reasons. Using it to get her to reach out to you completely flies in the face of its intended purpose. All you are doing in this instance is delaying the healing process, which you most certainly don’t want, especially if your intention is to experience long-term happiness.
Related: The Complete Guide To The No Contact Rule
If she does reach out to you during no-contact, just remember: you’re probably not going to get back together with her. Do you really want to set back your recovery? Do you really want to keep feeling like this?
I don’t think you do – because you are a man with some self-respect. You are the type of man who knows he deserves happiness.
I ask you to remember that and remind yourself of it frequently. If she didn’t want you in her life, accept it with grace. It’s okay that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.
But don’t let her delay you from healing. She made her choice.
So for now, if you are struggling and you want to get my help, I encourage you to fill out the form below to get my 7-day course on how to take control of your life again. It’s just a taste of what’s to come – and even a taste will change your life for the better.
Talk soon my friend,
Coach Jack
PS: Need help processing the breakup so you can get back to feeling like yourself again? Click here to learn how I can help you.