Your brain is a douchebag sometimes. It makes you do painful things for no reason.
Visualizing your ex girlfriend with someone else? Yikes. Not fun. Not fun for anyone.
If you’ve just gone through a breakup, I know it will be in the back of your head. If you aren’t following the rules of no contact, or you’re fucking up your social media game it’s more likely to happen.
To regain your confidence after a breakup and get yourself to a place where you can date other women the first thing you need to do is take control of your derelict brain and force it to get its shit together.
The best way to stop thinking about your ex is to force yourself to imagine the worst case scenario
I know this might seem like complete bullshit, but stay with me.
The best way to stop imagining your ex with another man is to simply visualize her doing exactly what you don’t want her to do. Imagine her laying there and getting absolutely destroyed by another guy. Better yet, visualize her getting crushed by someone who’s better looking, better in bed, and otherwise better than you in every way.
Imagine her going on a date with that guy. Imagine him being both wittier and more confident than you are right now. Force yourself to see every detail as if you were standing over her shoulder watching the entire thing date unfold.
Picture her confessing her love for this guy. He’s someone that matches what she wants. Someone that isn’t you. See the expression in her eyes as she gives herself over to him and completely forgets about you.
Be prepared to feel uncomfortable. Some guys I’ve talked to have told me this exercise made them feel physically ill. It’s going to hurt a whole hell of a lot.
If it does? Good. That’s your body purging itself of weakness. It’s part of the process for your post-breakup recovery.
What I want you to do is to continue to visualize these scenes over and over. Sit down in a quiet room and force yourself to see it happening as if you were there.
Keep visualizing the scenes until they no longer bother you
A funny thing starts to happen after you’ve repeatedly visualized the other guy with your ex-girlfriend.
You stop giving a shit.
You get to a point where seeing her with someone else just makes you want to shrug and move on with your life. Once you get to this point, congratulations. You’ve just accomplished something very powerful.
You’ve successfully utilized a powerful technique called negative visualization, used by some of the manliest men ever grace our good earth. It’s been written about and practiced by noted philosophers like Marcus Aurelius and Seneca for thousands of years.
Negative visualization will help you keep your cool when your ex girlfriend starts seeing other men, or when she starts texting you while she’s dating someone else. The idea behind negative visualization is that it helps you be prepared for the worst case scenario.
With that said, the worst case scenario almost never happens, no matter the situation. But, because you’re prepared for it, whatever does happen is no big deal.
Any time you find yourself worried about whatever your ex may be doing, use the negative visualization technique to view the worst possible outcome until it no longer bothers you.
If you do it enough, it will stop bothering you. That much I can promise you.
Most of the time, the worst case scenario is just your overactive imagination
We’re trained to imagine the worst, even though the worst almost never happens. That’s especially true with relationships.
After a breakup, it’s really easy to let your mind conjure up all of these outlandish scenarios about your ex girlfriend. I’ve heard dozens of them, and without exception, none of them have proven true.
Your ex isn’t going to suddenly meet an Adonis that suddenly sweeps her off her feet. The truth is, most men suck with women. Whether it’s a lack of confidence, or poor relationship management skills, most men are disappointing to women.
We wouldn’t have the #metoo movement if men understood women.
95% of the men your ex will meet are going to fall under this category. They just won’t get the job done.
More often than not, even though your imagination might see your ex getting demolished by other alpha studs, she’ll actually spend a couple of months going on unsatisfactory dates and complaining about them to her girlfriends over brunch and mimosas.
After she’s had enough of other guys fucking up, she’ll reach out to you, assuming you’re following the no contact rule.
In the mean time, you need to be taking action. Your dick isn’t going to get itself wet.
You won’t be imagining her with someone else if you’re with someone better
The other key takeaway here: you’ll only be worrying about what your ex-girlfriend is doing if she’s the best option you have available.
A man is only as fearful as his options. Think about it. You’re not going to be afraid of losing your job if you know that another better paying job is right around the corner.
The same principle of abundance is true for women too. While visualizing the worst case scenario will take the sting out of thinking about her with someone else, getting several new women will make you stop needing to visualize it at all.
Does this sound deceptively simple? It should! It’s common sense.
I’ve done it, and so have millions of other men.
But for some reason, I’ve seen a lot of men get hung up on this step, and I get it. It’s not easy to put yourself out there. But for the love of god, don’t give yourself an excuse.
The reason you aren’t doing it isn’t because you’re ugly. It’s not because you don’t have enough money. Hell, it’s not even that your game sucks. It’s because you’re afraid.
At the end of the day, you can visualize anything you want until the end of time. But visualizing alone will only change your inner world. To change your outer world, you need to act.
In the next 30 days, I need you to go on 5 dates with 5 different women, minimum! No excuses!
Hell, I would prefer you go on closer to 8-10. At one point about a year ago I was going on 4-5 first dates a week. I did that while working my corporate job AND working on my side business. I admit, I was one tired motherfucker every night, but I did it.
And oh yeah, it was well worth it.
But I digress – as a single guy with no kids I had it easy.
That doesn’t mean you have an excuse to take it easy on yourself! Just the opposite. I’m not one of those “rah-rah, be comfortable being uncomfortable by taking my masterclass” type people.
With that said, things are hard because you suck at them. Dating is no exception. You can suck at painting. You don’t need to paint. But you can’t suck at dating. Sucking at dating is just going to make you think about your ex-girlfriend. You also need to get laid frequently to meet your sexual baseline for happiness.
Chop chop motherfucker. Time to get frisky.
Now these 5 chicas shouldn’t be just anyone. I want you picking women that you’d gladly stop to look at twice. I want you to shoot for the best looking women you can. You’re not going to be pulling Victoria Secret supermodels, but you should be aiming for women that are more attractive than your ex.
You’re probably going to be rejected by the best looking women. Don’t sweat it. It’s a numbers game. Plus, you can go for the serious hotties later, once your confidence and outcome independence are sky high.
That might seem like a tall order, but stick with me for a second.
Statistically speaking, most of you live in populated metro areas. I double checked my stats just to confirm. Whether that’s London, LA, NYC, Chicago, Dallas, or Tampa-St. Pete, you guys have numbers on your side.
Even if you’re in a smaller metro area, you’ll still be okay. You’ll have to be less selective, and augment your online game with going out, but it can be done.
Load up Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble. I’ll do my own write-up on these in the future. You can Google how to get gets online. For now though, here are my cliff notes.
How to get your 5 dates using Tinder, Hinge and others
Online dating has gotten somewhat of a stigma over the last couple of years, especially in the pickup and seduction community. If you’ve read any of that negative shit, I want you to throw it out before you read this. Be skeptical, sure. But don’t be biased.
Because here’s the truth.
You don’t have to be handsome. If you put in the numbers, you will succeed with online dating.
While it’s true, the better looking you are, the easier it is, that’s not an excuse. I’m personally not that handsome and there are dozens of men I know who have it even worse that are still killing it. So how are we doing it?
Online dating is sales. And just like in sales, it takes having a process that fucking works, and then executing that process with as many potential leads as you can.
So here’s what I recommend.
1: Optimize your profile. No selfies. No fishing pictures (unless it’s deep sea badassery).
2: Spend less time “selling” (talking) and more time closing (getting numbers).
I hate to say it, but online dating is just like any other type of online selling. You need to sell the benefits, not the features.
I need you to think like a salesmen. Don’t be one of those guys who throws up a couple of shitty pictures and wonder why nothing is happening.
Women have unlimited choices now. If you want to date a good one, you need to show her that your stuff is better than everyone else. That starts with your photos. If you show her 4 selfies, what is that really going to tell her? You don’t have friends, you don’t do anything cool, and you’re either socially awkward or just not worth her time.
Now think about the guy who carefully selects the best 5–6 photos of himself. His photos are a mix of all his biggest hits. A few show off his physique, or fun outdoor activity. A few show him as a leader in his circle of friends, and a few others show him with hot women.
What does this subliminally communicate to your target prospects?
- This guy does cool stuff (and will help me do cool stuff)
- This guy is a leader of men (he must be confident)
- This guy is pre-selected by other hot chicks (what’s so good about him?)
You’re already building intrigue before you even say anything. Now she’s curious.
Close her quickly. Get her number, and schedule a date.
Don’t waste time trying to craft a picture perfect opener. Get into her DMs, ask a few questions to build rapport and then get the number and get out. Too many men make the mistake of trying to “warm her up”. What this actually looks like in practice is 2 days of back and forth until she stops responding.
Don’t be that guy. One of the key tenants of sales is to always sell in person. The way I look at it is someone else out there has a better offer than you. If you wait too long, they’ll come across a better offer.
Which is why it’s up to you to close, and close fast!
Once you have the number, schedule her for a date as quickly as possible. Make a definite date, with a definite time and place, and then get off the phone.
Congratulations, you’ve done what few guys have done. In her mind she’s just gotten a date with an interesting guy who quickly took the initiative and set a date with her. No bullshit, or false pretenses.
Make sure you’re scheduling these dates in your phone. Put as much information as you can, mostly so you don’t forget. It’s harder to juggle multiple dates than you think, especially when they are simply faceless leads from the interwebs.
Once you’re on the date, and she’s sitting right in front of you, the fun really begins.