So you’ve been dumped. You’ve read my last post on why you should use the no-contact rule and you wisely decided that you were going to vanish from your ex’s life.
So you’re sitting on your couch wondering: “Great! What comes next?”
The truth is, there’s no one size fits all prescription for what to do next, besides refusing to contact your ex. It all comes down to who you are as a man.
Each man has what’s called his masculine center. Your masculine center is a set of rituals or activities that you base your identity around and draw your self-confidence from.
The first thing you absolutely must do after going no-contact is to evaluate your masculine center.
Ask yourself: “What do I really love to do? What do I enjoy above all else? What makes me feel good whenever I do it?”
Try your best to evaluate things honestly. It can be hard to be objective when you’re really hurting, but I guarantee there are a number of things you do for others and not for yourself.
After a breakup, you have to be selfish. Only do that which YOU really want to do.
Put aside the concerns of others (minus children, if you have them) and ask selfishly: “What do I really like to do?”
For me, I love going to the gym, working on my business, and windsurfing.
These three activities are the basis for my masculine center, and make me very happy. A confident man is a happy man.
Of course, there are going to be some of you that don’t know what your masculine center is.
That is completely okay! It’s possible you’ve never thought about this concept until now.
Many of us are disconnected from our masculine energy by a society that increasingly emasculates men from a young age.
Modern society does not equip men with the tools that they need to thrive.
Your masculine center (and finding it, for that matter) is one of those things that they don’t teach in school. Although some find it early, whether it’s in sports, music, entrepreneurship, or something else, many men go their entire life without knowing what their masculine center actually is!
Those of you who already 100% sure of what your masculine center is, you can take today off. We’ll be meeting again soon after we catch the other guys up! If you’re not 100% sure, then stick around.
Why finding your masculine center after a breakup is ESSENTIAL:
As guys, we don’t want to admit it, but breakups leave us feeling exposed and vulnerable.
The last thing a man wants to feel is weak. Being strong is what men do, and getting back to a position of emotional and physical strength in the face of a breakup is always the first priority.
That strength will help you get back to living for yourself and will dissipate the pain of your breakup. Your masculine center is a large part of what makes you a strong and decisive man.
The question is: how do you find it if you don’t know what it is?
Don’t overthink it. It’s easy (and satisfying) to waste time on mental masturbation questioning what your passion is.
A strong man is a man of action. So jot down a list of things over the years that you thought might be fun to try, and then go out and try them. Fill your calendar up.
Keep working your way down that list even if you really don’t want to. At first, you’re going to have to force yourself to do it.
Don’t give in to that urge to stay locked up in your bedroom! It will eventually get easier, but you have to crawl before you can walk.
Getting out of the house and doing things is going to have a three-fold effect.
First, it’s going to keep you from wallowing in thoughts of your ex. Second, you’re going to be out trying activities that could lead to any number of great future outcomes.
Third, many of these activities will put you into contact with new women, and more importantly like-minded men.
Just make sure that there’s a balance of physically and mentally stimulating activities on your list.
The key to a strong mind is a strong body. If you notice that you’re leaning more towards mental over physical, make sure you add in some physical activities too.
Finding your masculine center after a breakup will put you back on a focused path. The worst part of a breakup is not the emotional pain, but the disruption in your life.
With your masculine center firmly in place, you will rebound quicker and take your life back.
As you establish new routines and habits, with your masculine center firmly in place, you’ll start to notice a funny thing.
You’ll be thinking about your ex less, and the pain will greatly decrease. As this starts to happen, just know that you are working on of the brain’s greatest miracles, and you are literally re-wiring your brain.
Whatever it is you choose, just make sure you avoid making excuses. Remember, even though you’re hurting, you are still a man. Your ancestors fought, hunted, went to war, and built the greatness that is human civilization today.
You came from a lineage of men who were survivors who went out into the world and triumphed against all odds. They were able to thrive even when things weren’t easy.
In time, you will thrive as they did. So get after it. Get out of the house. Get your buddies to come too if you need them. You were born for greatness. Find your masculine center, and reap the rewards within.
Talk soon my friend,
Coach Jack
PS: Need help finding your masculine center? Click here to learn how I can help you.