Public service announcement incoming gentlemen.
As you know, Valentines Day is fast approaching and with it comes a litany of cliche captions will soon be plastered all over the Instagram stories of basic bitches everywhere.
Flowers will be exchanged. Dinners will be had. Chocolates will be given.
And this Valentine’s Day, as a single man, you won’t be participating in any of it.
Nope, you get to take this year off. Because:
Valentines Day is not an excuse to contact your ex-girlfriend – or god forbid – send her some fucking chocolates.
Not only does it make you look like a chump, but it damages your chances of getting her back. Give me a few minutes and I’ll explain.
I’m not telling you this to be an asshole. Far from it.
I’m trying to save you from yourself. Every year, right around this time, my mailbox starts blowing up with people asking me questions about how to handle Valentine’s day with their ex-girlfriend.
The answer is really simple: you don’t have to handle anything. You’re not together. Under no circumstances should you even consider doing anything/getting anything for her.
She’s on her own. Let someone else validate her.
That being said…
It’s the same fucking set of questions every year, so I’ve taken to answering them with the same response.
Hop on Tinder and score yourself a single hottie for the night, because no woman really wants to be alone on Valentine’s day.
Or, if Valentine’s day happens to fall on the weekend, kick back with your boys and watch the NBA All-Star Game. To be honest with you, I only know when Valentine’s day is coming because of the All-Star game.
That said, I’ve cracked open the mailbag and I’m feeling dangerous, so let’s dismantle some of these questions, yeah?
Consider this your free Valentine’s Day Survival Guide.
1: What’s The Best Text I Can Send My Ex-Girlfriend On Valentine’s Day?
The best text is one you can’t send because your hands are too busy feeling up someone else.
Seriously though, you should never reach out to your ex-girlfriend unless she contacts you first. Read this guide on the no-contact rule to get a better understanding.
Valentine’s Day texts or texts on any holiday for that matter are no-no territory. Don’t send her a text.
But, if she texts you first, that’s a different story. We’ll talk more about that in a minute.
2: Should I Send My Ex-Girlfriend Flowers On Valentines Day?
Sure thing, sweet cheeks.
As long as you’re sending her the Titan arum, more fondly known as the corpse flower on account of its wonderful scent.
Sending her unsolicited flowers works great if you’re actually dating. Women love them.
Sending her flowers when you’re not dating makes you look like a creep. She knows that you’re sending them because you want something from her.
Usually, she’ll assume that’s sex.
While there’s nothing wrong with that, you never want to verbalize your intentions so clearly.
Plus, you know what kills the mood faster than her seeing right through your thinly veiled intentions?
Sending her a corpse flower. So stick to that instead. You’ll have more fun this way.
3: How Can I Get My Ex-Girlfriend Back On Valentines Day?
If you buy my $997 dollar e-course, I’ll show you the ONE SENTENCE she needs to hear at exactly 12:58.41 PM if you want to get her back, 100% of the time!
Sound like a good trade?
If so, hit me up. I’ve got a Nigerian Prince or two that would love to talk to you.
The moral of the story should be pretty clear: Valentine’s Day alone is not going to help you get your ex-girlfriend back.
The thing that makes Valentine’s day special for her in the first place is her anticipation. It’s her wondering about what surprise you’ll have for her. Her imagining how great it will feel to be treated like a queen by a guy like you.
Since she’s your ex, and since she probably broke up with you, she’s not anticipating anything from you.
When it comes to going out of your way to do things for women, there’s a hard and fast rule I like to live by.
If she’s really attracted to you, going out of your way to do something scores you major brownie points. Women love being spoiled by men they’re attracted to.
However, if she’s not really attracted to you, going out of your way to do something for her makes you look like you don’t have any other options.
In other words, it makes you look lame at best, and potentially creepy/stalkerish at worst.
Now I know what you’re thinking: “But Jack, she IS still attracted to me!”
And that’s completely fair, she might be.
But to that point let me reiterate: she’s not your girlfriend. You only should do something special for her if she’s your girlfriend.
In other words: she needs to earn it! If she wants something from you, she better be your girlfriend.
On another note, I’ve seen guys suggest approaching that you should approach your ex-girlfriend as a friend.
DO NOT DO THIS. Never agree to be her friend, or attempt to approach her under the pretext of being “just friends”. It’s dishonest if you really want her back.
4: My Ex-Girlfriend Is Celebrating Valentines Day With Another Guy! Help!
Good. Wish them all the best, and let him waste his money on her instead.
Also: how the fuck do you know what she’s up to? You’re supposed to be following no-contact.
Part of no-contact includes not stalking her life, which is exactly what it sounds like you’re doing. You shouldn’t give a flying fuck what she’s up to.
Use your money on a six-pack and some beer. At least you don’t have to pretend like you actually enjoy watching The Notebook or Dear John.
There’s not really much you can do if she’s getting covered in another man’s goo.
Luckily, if he’s like most men, he’ll start screwing things up soon enough. All you have to do is wait. Read this article for more suggestions.
One of the best ways to take your mind off what she’s doing is to get some action yourself. It’s totally possible with 3 days of lead time if you really want it.
5: What Do I Do If She Texts Me On Valentine’s Day?
Repeat after me:
There’s no other response that’s worth considering.
In all seriousness, you shouldn’t treat her reaching out any differently than you would on any other day.
Read this article about why she might be reaching out, and how you should respond.
The short of it is as follows: if she reaches out to you, assume she wants to meet up. Invite her on a date at your place. If she denies you, go back to no-contact.
If she accepts, follow the guidelines here and make sweeeeeeet post-Valentine’s day lovin’ to her.
One thing though, if she does reach out to you on Valentine’s day, don’t feel any pressure to respond. I would wait until the day after, even if you don’t have anything going on.
You don’t have to lie to her, but you not responding to her on V-Day could give her the impression that you’re with someone else, which heightens your value in her eyes.
TLDR: When It Comes To Valentine’s Day, The Answer Is No – Unless It’s Your Boy Asking If You Want Another Brew
Hopefully, that clears things up for you fuckers.
Don’t text her. Don’t meet up with her. Don’t send her flowers, and don’t get her chocolate.
Going out of your way to do these things for her when you’re not together makes you look weak.
Don’t be one of those guys that gets all worked up because it’s Valentine’s day. Treat it like you’d treat any other day, and skip the flowers.
Unless they’re corpse flowers of course.