So your ex-girlfriend is hanging out with a new guy. You see him one day while you’re scrolling through her Instagram and suddenly your heart drops.
It couldn’t be a coincidence. His arm is wrapped around her waste. You nervously check his Instagram and breathe a sigh of relief. He has no pictures of her up.
A few days later, he pops up again. By now, you’re worried. He might not be dating your ex-girlfriend yet, but it’s only a matter of time.
What do you do?
The Truth About Why She’s Hanging Out With A New Guy
It might seem like this new guy appears out of nowhere, especially if you guys just broke up. However, I can promise you that’s not the case. The first guy that she starts hanging out with after you guys break up is almost always known as an orbiter.
This guy was likely already around while you were dating your ex-girlfriend. They were “friends” beforehand, and now that you two are no longer together, he’s smelled his chance to make their friendship into something more.
Once your ex-girlfriend knew your relationship was on the downswing, it’s likely that she went and hooked this orbiter as a backup plan in order to not be alone afterwards. That doesn’t mean she sees a future with this orbiter, which we’ll talk about in a second.
These guys might look like a threat to steal your ex-girlfriend at first glance, but I can promise you that with the application of what I’m about to share here, you’ll be able to beat them out for your ex-girlfriend 9 times out of 10.
Why is that, you’re wondering?
Because guys that try to be friends with women because they want to date them are almost always very needy and have extremely poor technique with women.
A guy like this literally pushed my first ex-girlfriend right back into my bed. I didn’t have to do much of anything except for hang back and wait for him to mess up enough, until she was practically begging for another chance with me.
It doesn’t matter how good looking he is, or whatever else you think he is. None of that matters. He could a Hollywood A-Lister, but if he’s still a needy guy with terrible woman skills, you can get her back.
Here’s the hard-hitting truth: if your ex-girlfriend is immediately hanging out with a new guy after a breakup, she’s trying to use him to forget you. Women will often sleep with a new guy that they don’t have feelings for just to try to forget about you.
These are usual typical “nice guys”.
But have you ever heard the saying “nice guys finish last?”
Yeah, it’s true.
Play your cards right, and he’ll be old news, and pretty quickly too. Don’t worry about him too much for now.
First things first – he’s no better than you are
It’s tempting to think that if you see her hanging out with a new guy that you have no chance, and that he’s automatically better than you.
That’s just not the case, and if you actually want to get her back you’re going to have to banish that thought from your head.
Women want to date men that seem to be confident and self assured. You’re no exception. You need to know from the get-go that you’re better than the guy that’s orbiting around her right now.
I know that having strong self-confidence going to be difficult for some of you, but let me re-frame this for you.
She picked you before she picked him. That means she had (and likely still has) confidence that you are a great man. So don’t beat yourself up. Just because you made some mistakes yesterday doesn’t take away from who you are today.
More importantly, what you did yesterday has no say in who you’ll be tomorrow. So don’t sit around thinking he’s automatically better than you.
How to get your ex-girlfriend back from a guy she’s hanging out with
You’re going to have to do a couple of things well if you want to make this process easy. For one, you’re going to have to go no-contact. Contrary to what a lot of “gurus” say, texting your ex while she’s hanging out with someone else will only lower her attraction.
What you want is for her to reach out to you. Think about it from her perspective. She broke it off with you because you lowered her attraction to the point where she doesn’t want to be with you anymore. If you’re texting her while she doesn’t want to be with you, you’re going to come across as a nuisance.
However, if you hang back, and focus on living an amazing life, her attraction to you will slowly climb. This will happen over time even if you’re doing nothing, as her negative emotions towards you fade.
That’s the easy part.
The most difficult thing you’re going to have to do to get her back from hanging out with another guy doesn’t have to do with her at all. It has to do with you.
You have identify what you did wrong in your relationship and fix it.
No biggie, right?
So let’s say you were too needy in the relationship, to the point where she felt like she was being smothered. Chances are her new guy is going to be the opposite of you. He’ll likely be more self-assured and give her space.
In other words, he’ll be giving her what you failed to do in the relationship.
So what you’ll need to do is ask yourself why you were so needy in the relationship, and then fix the issue.
Think you were too needy? Start dating other women and practice letting them come to you at their own pace.
If you weren’t a high achiever, practice setting and achieving goals.
Or, if you weren’t dominant emotionally, date other women and practice letting yourself lead the relationship.
You see what I mean.
Here’s the thing: the guys she’s hanging out with isn’t perfect, and he’s going to be making mistakes. Hell, he already made a mistake by trying to be her friend first before coming into her life romantically.
Over time, she’ll begin to notice things about him that she doesn’t like, and her attraction level to him will drop. This is doubly true if he was an orbiter, and her “friend” first. This whole process can sometimes happen in less than 2 weeks.
She’ll start comparing you with the other guy, and wondering why she broke up with you in the first place. The more she thinks about it, the more attracted she’ll be to you. The more attracted she is to you, the less attracted she is to the other guy.
At this point it becomes a waiting game for her to reach out.
When she reaches out
Once she gets confused enough about the guy she’s hanging out with, she will reach out to you. By now, you will have had time to improve yourself, and now’s the chance to let her see what she’s getting into.
Don’t waste time trying to build attraction over the phone by texting or calling. The phone is for setting dates, and nothing else. Anyone that tries to tell you to build attraction over the phone is just wasting your time!
So when she reaches out, spend a couple of messages feeling her out and building some limited comfort. Afterwards, you need to invite her over to your place. If she accepts, focus on building attraction. She might tell you about the other guy to test you. Dismiss it playfully, and continue building attraction.
I’ve talked about the formula before.
1: Invite her to come over to your place to cook dinner or to just talk.My ex back formula
2: If she doesn’t accept, she’s just using you for validation. Terminate the conversation and wait to hear from her again. Once you do, repeat step 1.
3: If she does, cook dinner with her and generally have a good time.
4: Don’t talk about your relationship or anything serious. Keep it light and fun.
5: Escalate the situation by touching her gently over the course of the night, eventually building up to a makeout.
6: If she’s good so far, continue to ramp up the tension. Get her breathing heavily, and then back off. Talk for a few minutes and then continue escalating.
7: Continue to escalate until you two have sex. If she resists, back off and then slowly ramp back up. Try this 3 times, and if it doesn’t work, stop escalating.
8: Either way, after the deed is done, spend a few more minutes talking to her before telling her it’s late, and you’ve got things to do in the morning. Don’t let her spend the night the first time.
9: Once she leaves, wait to hear from her. Once she texts you, you can go ahead and set the next date at your place. You want to aim for between 3-5 dates at your place ending in sex before you can look at doing anything else.
If you’re using the formula correctly, she’ll quickly begin to grow more distant with the guy she’s hanging out with. If he’s not a strong and centered guy, he’ll sense the change and quickly become more needy. It’s extremely important to stay reserved while this is happening!
You’ll know it’s happening when he stops appearing in pictures, and she starts texting you more frequently. It’s also possible he may eject completely, in which case, congratulations! You beat him.
That doesn’t mean your work is over, but you’ve taken a big step.
How to keep her this time
Once you’ve succeeded in sleeping with her for the first time, you need to make it a point to demonstrate that you’ve changed.
The thing is, you’re never going to tell her that verbally. You’re going to show her. For example, if you were weak during the relationship, you want to make it a point to lead your new relationship.
Setting definite dates with a definite time and place is a great way to show her that you’re in charge.
Or, if you were needy and always needed her validation during the relationship, just don’t fish for compliments when you’re with her. Be calm, and show her that you’re confident in yourself to the point where things don’t bother you.
You also want to train her to understand that her reaching out is what will get her the next date. Every time she texts you, you set the next date at a definite time, and then that’s it.
If you can repeat this process about 5 times over the course of around 1-2 months, she’ll begin to fall for you again, and you can really kick off the courtship on a more even footing. At this point, if any of the orbiters are still around, they’ll be old news and she’ll drop them faster than Kim dropped Kris Humphries.
Hey Kris, if you ever need any ex-girlfriend help, I’m available.