“Online dating sucks man”
I looked at my buddy Steve and scratched my head. He had no problem with women in real life, but he had failed with online dating.
There had to be something he was missing. Steve was a good-looking guy, and had a lot going for him.
Does that sound like you? Do you think online dating sucks? Hopefully, I can change your mind.
Online dating is a great equalizer for men. It allows you to be fully mobile and make sure your rotation is always well-stocked with women.
It’s cheap, it’s effective, and you waste very little time prospecting.
It’s for these reasons I highly recommend online dating to fill up your rotation when you’re dating after going through a breakup.
So let’s be clear: online dating doesn’t suck. The way you’re going about it just sucks. You can definitely get results, you just need to follow the right processes to make it happen.
You also need to be consistent, which I’ve noticed most guys aren’t.
But hey, I can’t complain. The more guys who think online dating sucks, the better it’ll be for the rest of us. Less competition is never a bad thing.
To be clear, I don’t think online dating is the be-all, end-all of dating. It just makes a lot more sense when you’re a young and busy guy. Meeting women while you’re out and about is great, but doing it as a dedicated activity is not.
That’s because traditional dating is a massive time suck.
Traditional dating takes a long time for each individual prospect
As a man, you have one priority in life: create as much value for yourself and those around you.
That takes money, and more importantly, it takes time.
Going out just to meet women is going to strip you of both.
Going the traditional route means going to activities, meet-ups, clubs, and all that just to get in front of women. You’ll spend time getting ready, slapping on some cologne, and traveling to wherever it is you plan to hunt. Let’s say this takes 30 minutes, on average.
Once you get to the venue, the women are going to fall into 1 of 3 buckets.
- Most of them will be women that you aren’t attracted to, or don’t otherwise want to approach for whatever reason. In most venues, this will be around 50% of the women there.
- You’ll also have women that fit your criteria. However, these women will be unavailable to you. It could be that they don’t like you. They could be dating someone else. Hell, it’s even possible she had a bad day and isn’t interested in attending. This will make up another 45% of women.
- Finally, you’ll have the women that fit your criteria and are potentially open, assuming you play your cards right, and at the right time. If you are lucky, this will be about 5% of the women.
So you slide into the bar, and already 95% of the women there are out.
Then it becomes a question of figuring out who’s a no, and who’s a yes. At the end of the day, that’s what it boils down to, no matter how easy it is for you to approach women. Even if you are good with women, chances are you’ll spend at least a few hours before you get a woman you are genuinely interested in.
I’ll assume your game is tight, and you’re getting her number within 1 hour of when you start talking to her.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a hell of a lot of fun to do. Some of my fondest memories were of having no clue what I was doing with myself (or with women) and I just went out to “see what happened”. The thing is, I wasted a ton of time doing it, and other than good memories I have nothing to show for it.
After you’ve got the number, it’s another 15 minutes home. At this point, you’re riding high. You’ve got a new lady in the pipeline and everything feels good in the moment.
At this point, you’ve invested 1 hours and 45 minutes for one lead, and you go to bed a happy camper. The $25 bucks you spent on booze barely registers as you fall into a deep, contented sleep.
You just spent 1 hour and 45 minutes, plus $25 bucks for one number that may go nowhere.
Let that sink in.
Now, I’m not just pulling that number out of my ass. That’s a real number that I tracked back in 2017.
Of course, my game was nothing special at that point, so you can definitely improve on my results if you’re motivated.
While your number might be different, it doesn’t matter what it is. There’s always going to be a serious cost in time, and more than likely money as well. Even if you two decide to go home together, you’re still sinking time and money into a handful of prospects, no matter how smooth you are.
Sticking with that average for a minute, let’s say you go out 2 nights a week on average, for an entire year.
You’d be spending 91 hours, and $2,600 for 104 numbers. Just to convert that to dollar value for a second, let’s say you make $15 an hour. After taxes, you’ll have made around $1,100 dollars.
That’s nearly $3,700 dollars.
Now that might not seem like much over the course of a year. Keep in mind that’s just to get a number. In dollar value, each of those numbers would be worth about $35 bucks…before you’ve even gone on the first date.
Online Dating Stacks The Numbers In Your Favor
What if I told you that you could get more numbers in around 3 months with online dating than you would with a year of going out twice a week?
Not only is it completely possible, but it’s doable by most of you reading this assuming:
- You live in a large metro (>250,000 people)
- You’re not facially disfigured, grossly obese, or otherwise incapacitated. If you fall in this category, you should start lifting weights now and working on improving your appearance as much as possible.
- You’re willing to put in some time to take good-quality photos and to write solid openers.
Considering most of you live in/or near a large city, you can do it.
The key to having abundance when it comes to dating is to put in the numbers. With traditional dating, putting in the numbers is time costs time and money.
That’s not the case with online dating.
From June 1st to August 15th, 2018 I decided to take online dating seriously to see what kind of results I could reasonably expect.
I had just moved down to Tampa, and I was anxious to meet some new women so I had nothing to lose.
I had no expectations.
I just wanted to see what would happen.
Little did I know, it would quickly spiral out of hand.
In 75 Days, I Got 107 Numbers With Very Little Investment (And It Escalated From There)
I’ll be honest with you – I picked online dating because I didn’t have a lot of time.
At that point in my life, my schedule was packed. Besides my full-time eCommerce role at a local startup, I was pouring my time into my own niche eCommerce brand, and another brand that is now Men’s Breakup.
I needed to be efficient – so I set a rule: I could only spend 30 minutes a day liking/swiping and another 30 minutes talking to women I matched with.
And after 75 days, let’s just say I was pretty damn proud of my results.
The stats were as follows:
- 107 numbers: Of course, not every woman who gives you her number is interested in you. I also had some buyer’s remorse with a few of these girls where I didn’t end up suggesting a date.
- 41 first dates: Most of the women you get numbers from won’t end up going out with you either due to flaking or logistical issues. Your results will depend on your sample size. If between 25-40% of your numbers end up on first dates, you’re in good shape.
- 15 second dates: At this point, I had to cut off many of the first-date women because I had to focus on a large project at work.
- 9 came home with me : I had sex with 9/15 women I went on second dates with. The 6 that dropped off were last-minute refusals that I didn’t have the time or energy to re-engage. Had I not been focused at work, I probably could have pushed this closer to 13/15.
- 3 new women in my rotation: I ended up filling out my rotation with two starters and one new reserve, who I got along with best.
The numbers aside, this little experiment had several other unexpected results:
- My confidence shot up. I’m sure that sounds shallow to you, but imagine you had the confidence and the motivation to talk to anyone without fear. For a kid that grew up with social anxiety, that was fucking powerful.
- An 82% increase in income over the next 6 months. Getting my needs met so often gave me unbelievable focus.
It got to the point where I had such an abundance of options towards the end that I had to scale down the experiment because of time.
The best part of this is I spent $0 dollars to get those numbers and was able to do them in batches to save time. Instead of spending two hours chasing numbers, I could sit down and swipe through 100 tinder profiles in about 15 minutes. The same was true of Hinge on a smaller scale.
I could swipe through these women while sitting at home in my underwear during breaks in my work schedule.
Not a bad way to kill 15 minutes.
Online dating helps you reach the right types of women
You’re going to get rejected by most women you open, whether that’s in a club, on the street, or using online dating.
Most women are going to tell you no. It doesn’t matter how good your game is, or how attractive you are.
If you want to succeed in dating today, you need to get used to being told no a lot.
Whether that’s done overtly through not responding to your messages, playing hard to get, or just flaking when you’re due to meet up, 95% of the prospects you open won’t end up going anywhere when you add them all up.
That being said, once you put in enough numbers you’ll start to see patterns emerge, especially with online dating. Inevitably, you’re going to do better with certain types of women. For example, as a tall white guy my close rate with Asian and Latina women is nearly double all other groups.
I also do very well with the 18-20 age range, average with the 20-24, and very well with the 24-28 range.
In my last blitz, I also had a much higher flake rate with white women.
The science of online dating comes down to one master formula. Putting in the numbers + selecting the right women.
Online dating helps you stack both of these variables in your favorite.
The women on the apps are (mostly) available
One of the biggest advantages of online dating is that you can be reasonably assured that the majority of women you’ll interact with will be available.
Depending on the platform, 20-30% of the entire pool are using it for “promotional” purposes, or attention-seeking. That leaves, at worst, 70% available.
Compare that to a bar where you’ll be lucky if 20% of the women are available at any given venue.
Game on.
You can target the “right” type of woman for you on some platforms
The other big advantage of online dating comes from the filters you can use to effectively pre-screen women.
Take Hinge (one of my best-performing apps) for example. Hinge lets you control everything from ethnicity, to drug use, all the way down to family planning.
Other platforms like Tinder and Bumble aren’t as robust, whereas websites like Match.com and eHarmony give you more options.
Based on my previous numbers, I know I do best with Asian and Latina women either in the 18-20 range or the 24-28 range. While it’s going to be hard for me to target venues with these demographics, I can set my preferences to tailor to these women. By focusing on the best-performing groups of women, I’m far more likely to get the job done.
On platforms like Tinder, you can manually swipe profiles out that don’t match your target audience. It’s not as sophisticated, but it still gets the job done.
Even if you don’t have any idea of what type of women works best for you, you can still filter out types of women you don’t think you’ll be successful with, including logistical hassles.
Online dating helps you select the most convenient women
There’s nothing better than rolling out of the gym riding a great pump knowing your reserve is on the drive home. You don’t have to go out of your way, you can just stop by and take your pump to the next level.
Giggity.
The whole point of online dating is to help you save time and money, not to have you drive all over god’s good earth just to get it in.
One of the great pitfalls of traditional dating is logistics. You might meet a really great girl, only to find out that she lives 2 hours away. That’s not the case with online dating. While you’ll get a small percentage of online dating out of their main market, the vast majority of girls you’ll come into contact with will be within the area range you set.
You want your women to be as close to you as possible. Having them close makes plans and spur-of-the-moment sex a lot easier, without you having to waste a bunch of time and money on driving.
If you want success with online dating, go all in
Maybe I’ve convinced you to give online dating another shot.
I hope I have.
When you do, you need to go all in for the best results.
Playing the dating game is a lot like sales.
Do it well, and you’ll be rewarded.
Fall outside of the top 20% or so, and you’ll end up with the scraps.
Don’t try to dabble in online dating and day game.
Focus on online dating until you get really good at it. The number one reason you’re not getting results is that you’re not investing the time. Invest the time and choose the right pictures, and then you’ll be in good shape.
Commit to crushing it online.
Want my help getting started?
Learn more about how I can help you here.
Talk soon my friend,
Coach Jack