UPDATE: Check out the complete guide to no-contact here.
What I’m about to describe today is something every man should be aware of, and be able to execute. It’s your most effective technique after a relationship ends to get over your ex or to get her back. It’s also one of the hardest pieces of relationship advice to follow.
Today, I’m going to hand you the keys to getting over your breakup. The this rule will change your life if you accept it, and use it correctly. It WILL ensure you get over your ex as quickly as possible, it WILL make you more attractive to other women, and it WILL give you the greatest chance of getting your ex back. It works every time, for every man, and for every situation assuming you have the right frame of mind and the self control to execute it. Without further ado it is:
COMPLETELY CUT CONTACT WITH HER FOR 3 OR MORE MONTHS.
This rule is called the “No-Contact Rule”. It’s as simple as the name implies. After your breakup, you need to completely ignore her. That’s it. You completely vanish from her world, and plan to stay away for a long time. This means no calls, no texts, no emails, and no social media. You need to immediately erase her from your life. That means hiding her pictures, the gifts she gave you and anything that might make you want to contact her. Wipe the slate completely clean.
Right after a breakup your emotions are going to be heightened way past your normal baseline. It’s really easy to make a bad decision when you’re emotional, and this is exactly what the no contact rule is going to help you avoid. We see women make bad decisions while emotional, considering how they are ruled by their emotions and not by logic.
After a breakup, your best weapon against fucking things up further is your analytical brain, which won’t be working properly in the shadow of a breakup.
If you’re like me, you’ll be hyper-analyzing everything, which just isn’t productive. The 3 months you’ll be spending in no-contact are 3 months you can use to improve yourself and ultimately have a better chance of attracting her back – if you so choose.
That’s why it’s important to follow the proven game plan I’m about to lay out. By following it you will be sparing yourself great emotional pain, and expediting your recovery time as opposed to dragging it out like most men do.
The Why:
After a breakup, wanting your ex back is very normal. To our rational male brains, talking it out (read: blowing her phone up with texts about how much you love her and how you miss her) seems like the best choice. However, talking it out is the worst thing you can do. You have to keep it in mind that women DO NOT think like men do.
Repeatedly trying to contact her will only serve to turn her off, and the less positively she feels about you every day, the quicker her attraction to you will drop. Pushing too hard will push her right into the arms of another guy who doesn’t have to. She WILL continue to reject you which will only lead you to greater pain. Resist the urge to contact her and you’ve taken away her power to hurt you any more.
For your part, no-contact is about putting yourself back together and taking back control of the narrative that you lost when your ex-girlfriend dumped your ass. She unequivocally ended your relationship on her terms. By going No-Contact, you take back the control of your life. No longer are you the victim of circumstance, you are the one setting the course again. It’s extremely important to get yourself back in this pathfinder mindset right after a breakup. The control you feel from consciously resisting the urge to contact her will transfer over to other areas of your life and will help you grow.
Every day you resist the urge to contact her, your resolve will grow stronger. It might not seem like much at first, but I promise that in time you will get easier. The emotional control you will build as time passes has no equal. The often unheeded blessing of no-contact is the masculine trait of being able to control your emotions rather than having your emotions control you. By practicing no contact you are training your heart under the most difficult of conditions, which will fortify you for the future.
In addition, not contacting her with increase your mystique and your value in her eyes. Make no mistake, even though she initiated the breakup, she will be thinking about you all the time, even if she doesn’t want to talk to you. Realizing this and using it to your advantage by not giving her what she wants will give you a much better chance of getting back together with her later on, if that is your goal.
The 3 months of no-contact will give you a chance to set and accomplish goals for yourself, which will make you into a more attractive man.
The How:
The first and most important step is to immediately cut all contact. Don’t beat around the bush with this one. She didn’t take any half measures in dumping you, and you shouldn’t either when it comes to regaining your dignity. Delete her number, hide her on social media, and make a promise to yourself not to spend time in areas you know she frequents. You’re going to want to contact her, but keep your resolve up, and this piece of the puzzle will handle itself. Your ex is going to miss you, and may reach out to you during this time. Many women use breakups as a shit test.
Do not take the bait. Immediately delete anything that they send. Women will often want “closure” even though they were the ones to initiate the breakup. Do not stoop to their level. After a break up, you owe no debt to your ex, no matter what she says. Remain silent, and continue to do so until all the emotion you feel regarding the situation has dissipated. For most guys, this will take longer than 3 months. This may seem extreme, but prioritizing your healing over someone that did not choose you is a basic exercise in self-respect.
In the mean time, your aching heart is going to hurt. That’s okay. Take a week, and allow yourself to grieve the end of your relationship. You need to feel your feelings to let them resolve. Spend time with close family members, and spend time with your buddies. If you can, get lots of sun. Vitamin D is extremely important to your feeling of well-being.
Think of this as a time to come completely unhinged. As long as you making any questionable decisions, like binge drinking, or using hard drugs, for this week anything goes. What you do is up to you, as long as it allows you to feel the extent of your emotions. Some guys find it helpful to “finalize” the breakup by burning mementos of your ex. Others want to wallow by chasing other women. Just make sure you take the time to let everything out.
However, as soon as the pity week ends, you’ve got work to do. The truth is, a breakup can be one of two things: it can be a bad memory, or it can be a catalyst. Its your choice.
What you don’t realize is your breakup is only the beginning of the miraculous journey afterward.
Talk soon my friend,
Coach Jack
PS: Got a burning question about your ex-girlfriend or your unique situation that you want my expert advice on? Click here to learn how I can help you.